I'm starting this subject, because I just got off the phone with my MIL. She is great. She went thru the exact same situation with her H, and knows how it is. Her H remembers what he did, and knows all the tricks and is not about to let his son get away with this. His sister and parents refuse to loan him money, after getting burned by him previously when he borrowed to visit OW. They have him on a short leash until he turns around and faces what he has done. Any other support stories?

I am so happy that you have that kind of support! <BR>It is so important specially if it comes from our spouse's side of the family.<P>Unfortunately I didn't have that. I have no one from my family here, so I didn't really have their support either.<BR>My parents in law and SIL had their own reasons to blame it on me.<BR>SIL because she had done the same a few years ago, left her H for an OM that in turn left her. FOr one year, my niece was raised more by me and her dad than by her. So in her case what was happening in my marriage was a way of taking the attention away from her. She loved it. GOing to the point of on one of our worst days and when he packed to leave ( and never did ) calling him to remind him he should tell the kids, and that she would be happy to go out for breakfast with them and be there to help when he told them. H wasn't even thinking that far yet, but her idea sounded so good he did it. SO my children where told that their father didn't love mommy anymore and was going to live somewhere else, just to keep seeing him around the house the next day and the next... quite unnecessary.<BR>His parents... well appart from knowing for a long time that their names were not on the list of my fan club... I guess they still shocked me. On the same day sister had her little suggestion for H. They finally asked him what was happening ( since he was carrying a suitcase out of the house )- although they already new about the affair, but never acknowledge it - and because he was rude to them and they know that they can't do anything with him, they let it go, waited for me, and decided to take it on me instead ( as usual in the last 8 years).<P>I can't say the same about H's aunt and uncle. They were quite supportive of both of us, and helped a lot in many ways, either by babysitting my kids, or talking with both of us, or just being there. So in that sense I guess I still was lucky.<BR> The only problem was that although in different apartments his parents and us leave in the same house, and that created a lot of problems. <BR>WE're still very much in touch wiht his uncle and aunt. Unfortunately relations with his parents are basically none. I am trying to find strenght to influence him to let it go, since they are his parents and that's very important - but sometimes it is difficult, they had been hurting me and using me for years before what happened, and I took it just because they were his parents and I didn't want to be the reason for problems between son and parents.<BR> They would tell him things about me, tell him I wasn't supportive of him, tell him that the fact that I had a separate bank account was because I wanted to keep money for myself that he didn't know about - as if they knew - they had a lot of responsability in his view of our marriage in the last 3 years, up to the affair.<BR> MIL even told him once, right beside me, that I was getting too fat he should trade me for a skinier model ( Indeed I had gained almost 40 pounds while taking prednasone, and other medication for 3 years ). <BR>At this point, I don't feel any interest in social interaction with them, but they know they can count on me in an emergency ( as it happened when MIL went to the hospital last winter ).<BR> I've been letting my kids go downstairs to visit them although H doesn't like even that too much. I buy cards for the kids to give them on special occasions, and try to tell H they're still his parents and he should forgive and forget, but I wonder if I'm not being too convincing since I'm still hurting maybe more from what they did to me, than from the affair.<P>Sorry this was supposed to be a thread acknowledging the support given by friends and family, I just got carried away, but still I think maybe even my negative experience, might help, by showing people how bad it can be, maybe they will rememeber to value even more, the support given by friends and family. ( Good recovery? )<P>Take care, and sorry for the rambling.<BR>Kat<P>------------------<BR>Each and everyone of us is deserving of a kind word, a gentle thought, and the gift of understanding.