This is why people need to know and you need to enlist as much support as possible.

The daughter may not support you and may invite them both. So your wife would not be able to go. Her marriage would have to come first.

It stinks, but thats why affairs are evil.

Listen, I suggest you talk to Dr. H. via the radio show or make a counseling appointment with Steve H.

You are worrying about things that are down the road and haven't even taken the first step.

It's like your house is on fire and you are worrying that you might not like the new drapes if the house is rebuilt.

PUT OUT THE FIRE!!!

There are no guarantees of how things will go except if you do nothing.





Doesn't this tell you enough about the status quo? I mean, c'mon.

So I expose the affair & then give her 2 years to stop it?

I'd be gone with my kids way before that.

Should I just buy the book instead of asking all these questions??

Where in the world did you come up with that?

It is six months of Plan A for an active affair and then 18 months of Plan B. If within 2 years after exposure the affair has not died, then Dr. Harley recommends the BS move on.

Ah, OK.

Again, worry about right now. You haven't done anything yet.

Ok thanks. I guess I'll buy the book. Still not sure of some of the terminology here.

You guys are hard asses, but I appreciate it.

You're looking too far ahead, but the time scale is up to you.

I wasn't too willing to put in two years so decided to give it six months. No one is saying you have to fight for your marriage at all but you can do.

As for buying the book, yes you should but the articles and basic concepts are here on the site too

BI2, your WW is in the fog. in a way, you, the new bs are too - we are so overcome with what had been unthinkable that we are scared stiff. everyone here is trying to break you out of that frozen state so you can get off your duff and get going on rebuilding, since you have stated that is your desire.

however, i do think you need to hold still long enough to familiarize yourself with the MB concepts so you know what everyone here is talking about. you have pretty much come straight to the boards with no idea with what MB is about. take some time to take the tour, read the basic concepts, and find out a little bit of how MB can help you. you will then be ready to follow instructions instead of wasting time with what-ifs.

Broken, you mustnt forget that your ww cheated on her then husband with you. Now she is cheating on you with her ex. This is what makes your situation so much more difficult and urgent. If she really valued marriage, you 2 actually may have never married.

If, I were you, I'd be trying everything in my power to break the cycle.

Broken, firstly, what you should do is read EVERYTHING on this site. It is offered for FREE and once you have read all of that material, a lot of the things we are telling you will make much more sense. WE need you to be on a level of understanding that is more closely related to MB principles. If you click on the link in my signature, you can read through the site. There are also the notables, and the highlighted sections on the right hand sides of the site. You should also buy the book Surviving an Affair(SAA) and read it, maybe even a few times. It is not that we don't want you to ask questions, it's just that some of the questions you are asking are distracting from what you need to DO, so find the answers yourself by educating yourself FIRST and then asking about anything that you may need clarification on.

Next, you initially said that you didn't have romantic feelings for your WW before she returned home, but then you said that we needed to understand that you have loved her since you were 16 years old. Can you explain this?

How old are your COM, and how many do you have?

While it is true that your marriage is most likely the result of an affair, and thus an affairage, it doesn't mean that you can't save it. It will probably be much more difficult. Have you looked at the Operation Investigate forum? You need to employ some snooping techniques to ensure that there is NC, although right now, with the way your WW is acting, I would assume that there IS contact.

How old are her children from her first marriage? Do you have any children other than your COM? How is your relationship with your step-children? Was the XHOM involved in the children's lives? You are jumping the gun here on what to do at weddings etc, unless there is one in your immediate future.

Now, about exposure. While there is no guarantee that exposure will kill the affair, I can guarantee that if you don't expose, the affair will continue and you will be on a path most likely to get you divorced.

No one said that you would expose and then sit around for two years twiddling your thumbs. Please READ READ READ, and then come back with your questions.

Sorry you are here, and Welcome to MB. It's not easy to stick around here, but it is always worth the effort.

There is no contact, because he lives on the other side of the planet.

Read everything I wrote, and your questions will be answered.

We've read what you wrote.

The issue is that you think certain things are more important than others. Your house is currently on fire and you are asking about what kind of hose to buy in case it happens again, rather than the blatant blaze killing the house in front of your eyes.

You don't seem to realize the impact of an emotional affair (particularly when the participants already have a marriage/sexual history together). You DO realize that she was just......... "talking to you" once upon a time right? When she was married to him? She was using you as an escape, building a fantasy and relationship of life with you, and then she left him for you.

BrokenIn2, she is doing to you what she did to him. You just don't want to see it or believe it.

Do they have phones and internet and/or smoke signals in your country? If was there "no contact" then obviously you wouldn't be on this board. She did read what you wrote.

If you wish to know why we say follow Dr Harley's advice rather than your counsellor, you need only ask this question of each..

How many marriages have you saved where there was an affair?

The asnwer to this question should give you the knowledge of which counsel to follow.

I am sure your church counsellor means well.... but the road to hell ... your wifes affair continuing/ divorce .... is often made of good intentions.

Ask the question.

I took a lot of time to READ your posts, and these were some of the QUESTIONS and thoughts I had on what you wrote. If you won't respect me enough to answer and comment on what I wrote, why should I continue to take the time to HELP YOU? I am not the one who is asking for help ATM, YOU ARE.

broken.....
An appropriate name.

A few things: 1) you got your curent wife because you interfereed with Their marriage! Pure and simple, and yes you are a detested POSOM!! 2) Your stepdaughters are his daughers - when either one of them have a marriage ceremony and wish to invite him and her mom, your worry on this just tells me you are really a **edit** worrying about interfering with a family YOU broke up. 3) In my opinion you need to apologize to this guy for your role in breaking up their M!

Sounds to me like you need to expose yourself and your motives to your wife, to her ex, and to your stepdaughters in terms of your obvious hidden motives. **edit**

Tom

**edit**

Trusting in God to do YOUR heavy lifting is offensive to ME. You're going to dump this in God's lap to fix? After everything He's done for YOU??? THAT is offensive to me, and I am stunned that you would dump such a thing on Him. Huh. I'm just getting caught up on your thread, and I am very much NOT impressed by your desire to save your marriage. I'll read more of your posts and I hope you prove me wrong.

Mine. Mine was saved the very day of exposure. THAT DAY. Do you need more than one? How many would you like?