If you want advice on how to recover while you are in contact, why aren't you asking all these people that have seen it work.

That would not include people on here. It is a violation of one of the axioms of MB.

Wonder if it can be because you know it won't work and the others sites are full of crap.

Just wondering.

And yet you cannot afford to get another job.

I understand what you are saying about not being able to get another job.
And as I have said.... I know that is what is demanded on this site.
Just not an option for me.

I had a feeling that I would only get the answers that the site has already given.

And that thinking or doing outside the box would be a slim chance as far as that one situation goes.
And while I totally understand what it is based on....
I also know from everyday life... that if one cannot think outside the box... then it is difficult to function.

I also know the type of committment it will take on my part and the huge amount of discipline that I will have to have.
I am willing to take that step to truely work on the options I have available to me... I thought I might find a few helpful suggestions here....

And in reading the articles writings... almost all describe my exact life and how I feel and how it has affected me.
And I can see what I have to do.
I will start working on the advice...I am sure of it.
My path may be truncated some or modified I should say....
But I am confident that it will work... as long as I commit and stay focused on what I want in the end.
And also the strength and committment that my BW has shown in the past and that she talked about lasat night will also help us.
And I have called her things in the past...such as my ROCK that I always know is there.... and she always has been... even against all odds against her.
She has always stayed her course.
And I think it is time I join her once again.... but truely join her.

NO CONTACT WITH OW FOR LIFE. THAT is the ONE piece of advice that you are going to get until you end it.

I feel badly for your poor wife. You take advantage of the fact that she won't get rid of you if you commit adultery. You, even today, believe that she will most likely forgive you and try to work on it. You are feeling the weight of your guilty feelings, and you confess to make yourself feel better, and then you do it, again and again.

You will NOT see one instance here where it is suggested that a WS EVER continue working with OP. Not on a different floor(there are store rooms, parking garages, and elevators that you can have sex in).

I have an idea, why don't you expose to people, as well as your wife, that can keep you accountable, including OWH and YOUR BOSS? Are either of you a superior to the other at your workplace? Even if you are not, there may me codes of conduct that you are breaking, and they have a right to know that the two of you are dangerous to their business. You two could rain down an enormous amount of lawsuits on them, and it could affect their business. And don't tell me some lame excuse like you'll lose your job, you should have thought about that before you start banging your co-worker.

My sitch is one where my WH had an affair with a co-worker for about 2 years. I had found out, but was gaslighted into believing that they were only friends. My WH told me that he would only talk to OW about BUSINESS. Well, apparently, having sex and falling in love were part of business, as was leaving me and our children to shag up with the lurve of his life. 4 years into the affair, and they are still together. I wish I would have found MB earlier, and insisted on NC FOR LIFE with OW. It may have saved my marriage. Instead, my children get to live everyday without their father.

Oh, and this time, when you confess to your wife, tell her who OW IS. She has a right to know who the enemy to her marriage is.

You, as any typical wayward, are showing NO SIGNS of remorse. As such, you are a DANGER to your wife. She isn't safe with you, and if she were here, I would advise her that if you didn't agree to NC TODAY, she should leave you, because you'll NEVER stop your affair.

PLEASE STOP BLOWING SMOKE UP OUR BUTTS.

You are entitled. You are arrogant. You are WAYWARD.

You are NOT unique. You, sir, are an ADULTERER. Plain as day. You are like every other adultery out there. You come here with your, "cookie-cutter, think outside the box" BS and we don't handle that too well.

The road to recovery is SMALL. You can't even see the path unless you end contact FOR LIFE.

Being foolish is not "thinking outside of the box." If seeing the OW at work makes recovery of your marriage impossible, then doing so is not so cute and clever, it is foolish thinking. Don't be a fool. Thinking outside of the box means coming up with a clever and effective resolution. Working with the OW does none of that. It is just more of the same stupidity that led to your affair.

What you are suggesting is the same as saying an alcoholic can have the occasional "business drink" and experience sobriety. The problem with that thinking is that every drink triggers his alcoholism and puts him back to day 1 of recovery. It is the exact same with infidelity. Only complete abstinece [no contact] will facilitate recovery.

Anything else you do here will be a waste of time until you end all contact for life. Recovery is impossible. Listen to this radio clip where Dr Harley discusses this issue:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=652

Another graduate of "wayward school"....they all come out saying the same thing....it is so.... "cookie cutter"....can't that school "think outside the box" and come up with something different?

I'm just saying.

You are wasting your time. You can't do any of that until you take the FIRST STEP. The steps can't be "modified." And I would remind you that your best thinking led to your wrecked marriage. You obviously don't have the expertise to lead it out of the ditch.

Read up:

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2311122#Post2311122

I am going to "think outside of the box" and go play in the road during 5 o'clock traffic!!

Your friends are monumentally heartless then. If I was to see the woman who destroyed my marriage for even a few moments it would make me physically ill.

Any WH who does not understand that the OW is his wife's enemy - someone who mugged her in the dark - doesn't care about his wife.

If they can remain friends or coworkers with the OW - then they join the OW in a lifelong assault of jabs and insults to the BW.

I would find better friends if I were you.

Sickening.

His "friends" are not in a recovered marriage and it will just be a matter of time before the affair starts up again.

ML that was not directed at you...

oh, I knew that!

Thanks
I understand the suggestions.
But I disagree with you saying that anything I do or have read on this site are a waste of time.
When I have already formulated many ideas and throughts based on articles I have read here.

Yes the advice on this site is proven and works.
But what is not recognized by those posting in here....
Is that while this way in its entirety works.
There are as many was to reconcile a marriage as there are stars in the sky. and one would be nieve to think that this is the only way to make it work.
And they each work in their own way.
I simply choose to gather information from all of them... and formulate my own plan from there.
And while I have gained most of my ideas from this site....
I do have other information from other sources that has also helped me to think about a plan.

Wuite honestly I know what I did is wrong...and will never be right. So no help was gained by that being pointed out.
Nor do insults help. And are a sign of a lack of advice to give.
Just my opinion as I am entitled to...as is everyone else.

(ML, where's your foghorn link?)


But you aren't remorseful AT ALL. And if you believe that I have called you names, know that I held back, out of respect for THIS site.

I do NOT have a lack of advice to offer you, nor does anyone else whom has posted to you.

I would like further comments on what I wrote. Are you willing to tell anyone other than your wife? Are you going to tell your employer? There are people here who actually WANT and NEED help, and I don't want to waste my time arguing with someone about how HIS idea(BTW how many marriages have YOU saved?) of how he can pick and choose what to follow.

MB is NOT a menu where you can pick what will work for you.

Are you going to tell your wife who OW is this time?

But you don't know how to save marriages or you wouldn't be in this terrible place. You wouldn't know if there are many ways to save a marriage because all you know how to do is ruin one. That is like the falling down drunk telling the sober people he has a better way.

You are entitled to your "opinion," but you are not entitled to the truth.

Are you going to take advice on living a sober life from a falling down drunk? Because that is all you are doing right now. Your best thinking got you in this mess, after all.

ace, how about sending your wife here so we can help her?

And also before you say that doing it my own was has not worked before, why would it now....

Need to know this.....
In the past I have only gone on hear say and the way I felt or how my mind formuulated ideas on it's own.

This is the first time that I have actually sought out the discussion of others.... or even done reading from forums or online discussion sites.

So far the advice and information I have gained have shown me that there is hope.
And that I have options... and that I am not alone.

And you still choose to FIGHT what you are being told. THAT is what is being pointed out to you. YOU NEED HELP. Otherwise, you are going to DESTROY your WIFE. You will cause her to have an emotional breakdown, and you will RUIN her.

The advice in the articles is good.
But what I am getting now... is that you actually want my marriage to fail... and are showing that you think it is beyond repair... that I can not make the turn.

So in affect your are contradicting the concept of saving a marriage. Rather pointing out how it will fail.