What did you do exactly, bigsky?

I exposed the affair on Facebook, Had a long telephone chat with her mother sent PM to all of her Family to help her to concentrate on the marriage.I let everyone know what I had as far as proof and so far even if they didn't really want to support or not they all without asking said they believe the affair and didn't know what or if they would be able to do anything.

I have yet to accuse her of a PA, I don't have solid proof of that, I told them it was a EA and they understood that.

It was agreed that with what I had to go on, it was still inappropriate behavior on her part, if she wanted to get a divorce or split she should have finished this first. Mother and Brother both felt. Spoken and written.

Bigsky, will any of these people speak to her about her affair?

And have you found anything out about the OM? Is he married? Do his parents live there? Does he have a Facebook page? Can you find his home address and home phone? If so, call his house, disguising your # with *67 and see if a woman answers. If so tell her about the affair.

I would also tell all of your children. She wil probably bring the OM around them so they need to be apprised of the reasons why she wanted you out.

Keep up the good work!

I did that all recon on OM still in progress but I did tell my children and I did tell my step children all she can do now is lie about it, They are probably going to side with her but I know the truth that is all that matters.I am in the holding pattern till Monday and I will have my temp order then I can apply pressure by being in the house or If I am there first she can stay or she can go its her choice. Got a few wireless cameras to install in house and hook up to computer to record 24/7 so if she claims assault the video record will be there. I know she is pissed and I do hate that but this is the first time in a week I haven't felt sad or depressed and have come to realize if this doesn't work I have tried everything I know to save my marriage and if it ends I can live with myself.

Thanks for the help so far guys an gals just have to be patient now and try to destroy the OM ability to be happy and content in a world of Sh.t.

Great! That sounds like a plan! This might not be salvagable, but the odds will be much greater if you can get back in that house and raise some holy hell in the OM's life. Hopefully, her family and friends are talking to her about her affair.

They are I have gotten some responses from them some not so good but a few positive. I knew not everyone was going to understand my motives could go either way but its a crap shoot either way. I can at-least live with myself now knowing I have done everything I could so far. LOL a little humor to I can always show this to my next special someone and maybe they will just forgo the Bullsh.t and not ever do it.

Funny thing here is my wife has always been afraid I would be the one that would have an affair and I promise you I did that once(with my ex we both did to hurt each other)I never want to hurt someone that bad again not this time though. Hope I said that right. Anyway just kinda funny.

When affairs are exposed, you find out fast who supports marriages and who doesn't! We have seen some really stupid reactions and then we have had some awesome reactions that really helped the marriage. You just can't tell sometimes which way a person will go!

Btw, I am in the process of moving from Texas to Oklahoma. We just bought a house up there 3 weeks ago and it is in the process of being built. [completion April 8] We are real excited about moving up your way.

Well just got a call from a friend who couldn't believe what he saw on facebook he knows my wife and me both and couldn't believe either one of us would do what was said or what I had done to expose so he went to her work tonight just to snoop.

Man did he get and give a mouth full He said its pretty obvious there is no remorse the OM was at the bar and they are more than best friends. And she told him that I was just a A...hole accusing her of crap that wasn't true to cover for me being a POS husband and the OM was just a friend helping her get through this and they met last week after I left. He told her a few things he was cheated on many yrs ago but I wont repeat what he said to her.

He said from his experience its over she is pretty blatant about her feelings and instead of running them underground they have surfaced to the top.She said she is just waiting for the papers.

So I guess the next step is back to the house if can be done and become a mule in the corner with cameras all over the house to protect me a few in sight and a few hidden. VAR my best friend.

Get the D papers ready and just tell her I am getting everything inside the house and I am leaving her with nothing. Hope this will shock her a bit but not sure. In Oklahoma its a no fault state but should I gather evidence of the affair best I can since it is so open now and use it in court to press for adultery after all we are still married.

I was afraid of this, she feels like since she told me it was over over, she is free to do anything she wants need to apply pressure a different way to solve this if its even possible.Kind of at a lose now but I didn't expect much I knew I was on shaky ground.

Suggestions anyone who has been here. I am sure we will have a pretty bloody D.........thank god there are no kids between use except from our previous marriages and her kids did what i thought they are supporting her totally without exception, I guess that's good though I didn't ever want to drive a wedge between them.

BigSky,
Are you back home??
CT

Ok getting the ball rolling on being in the house. She is still done with me and I have screwed everything up because I exposed the ugly truth. By the way she still hasn't proved me wrong. anyway text ed her this morning because she said she was getting a attorney and divorcing my a.. I told her the other day after exposure I had already done that and she said FINE. So text and asked her the account balance in the business so I could pay for this and her question was why was I getting a attorney? I was like floored but anyway I responded to her that is what you do when you get a divorce and stated that was not what I wanted I wanted my wife and our marriage to work out but I had to protect my children. Anyway this is a precious moment I think even though I am still getting stone walled.

I may have a chance and its a snowballs chance to start repairing this a bit. I went ahead and had my attorney get started on a temporary order of some sort to get me back in the house without compromising my legal position as to a restraining order.He is working on that. I hate it I lied and said I stopped him from going forth on the divorce but a temporary order is just that temporary. I told her that we could stop this or her anytime I was moving forward because I only assumed that this was what she wanted. She replied that she thought we could do this civil and quiet without the expense and such. There again I told her we could do what ever we wanted but we needed to talk and that was the problem and if she was truly afraid of me that was going to be difficult.I offered to text or talk to her tonight about what she had in mind she has agreed. She did make a comment about she had made up her mind and there was no fixing this but I may or may not be getting mixed signal here. Either way I still want to fix this marriage and I don't understand the I am getting a attorney and divorcing your a.. Friday and then today it was like she was surprised I was doing what I said.

So I guess what I am asking is how do the Pros here think I should proceed. I have what I call the NUCLEAR option which is to just basically take her to the cleaners at first and make divorce a horrible option to get her to engage in trying to fix this or the sit back and go through the motions slowly and hope she lifts the vial of fog off before its to late.I like the Nuclear option but she has to get over hating me first to fix any of this I feel.

I cant fill the love cup up if I am not around and she has to allow that or my attorney has to figure that out to get me back in.Not sure he even knows how to do that, Suggestions for him would be nice to.This home we are in she actually owned before we got married but she refinanced the house about a yr ago and I had to sign papers with her not as a owner but as her husband.
Just bit of background for the legal eagle.

I have been reading MB alot this marriage shut down is caused by unconditional love I am sure of it I have committed so many mistakes and so has she. I know this is going to be difficult if not impossible.

Just as a update attorney says it would be best if I stay away for now to avoid conflict.Any suggestions.

He means "best" for him because his goal is to avoid conflict at any cost. He just wants a quiet divorce and wants you to shut up and go along and don't cause any extra work. But if you want to save your marriage you need to go home. If it were my attorney, I would tell him I was going home and he needs to get off his dead [censored] and defend you if need be. See, he works for YOU, not the other way around. His job is to facilitate your life, not the other way around.

So, I would go home and stop leaving. The police can't make you leave your home without a court order.

I'm confused about this - maybe I missed something. What's to get rolling? Why aren't you just going home? As in, get in the car, drive to your home, park in your driveway, go in through your front door, and sing out "Hi everybody! I'm hoooome!"

What am I missing?

Well took the advice went home stayed the night......wife left the minute I got there....no words exchanged nothing.

Went to work this this morning feeling pretty damn good. Then guess what restraining order showed up this afternoon.Its total bogus but I have to wait 2 weeks for my day in court to prove I am not endangering my wife and her kids.

There's the court order so now what.

Suggestions would be appreciated. I yiyiyiyi..... good thing may hairs short.

1) Get a lawyer. Now. You'll need him for the hearing anyway.
2) Request an emergency hearing.
3) Inspect the complaint. Anything you dispute, threaten perjury action on.
4) Track your expenses until you return home. Sue for them.
5) Get ANGRY. Stay there!

Got The Lawyer..............
Requesting hearing faster but doubt it will happen
I like perjury, its all bull nothing is true in it other than I kept her phone away from her and she deserved that........
Expenses are easy all on CC.............
Angry.......lol Well I been there I am way past that.....Not in a bad way though, not sure the emotion right now its scary I am pretty calm I expected this .....I am pretty sure the EA has escalated to a PA

I think Plan B is in order here and go for the Nuclear option I described, or get to the hearing get the charges dropped then slap her with a RA and tell her stay out, I do have on tap her threatening me from the other night but that seems so silly, I dont know. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Big,
You are doing great! And I have to say, as a FWW, I think your wife has been in a PA the entire time.

No matter........stay in your house!
CT

You've been married four years and have no children with her, right?

I'd file for a divorce and let her take her carnage elsewhere. As there are no children or custody issues, it'll really just be a division of assets.

She doesn't sound like good marriage material and, worse, will be a horrible influence on your own kids. They're watching and little ears hear everything.

You could always do a Plan B with the filing for the divorce.

Thats correct.

I have been saying all along I didn't want a divorce and I don't. I wanted or actually to work this out just didn't want to send the wrong signals.

Our problems are fixable I have been reading MB for a while and I do know what we have done to destroy this, it just takes both to want to fix it.

But I am at a lose for what to do.

4year M with no kids involved? Get out as quickly as you can would be my advice.

What is the answer to this question?