Dear friends: I just remembered something that happened to me a year ago. I have been so engulfed in my sadness and my rush in trying to get my spouse to love me again that I forgot an experience that left me in total ecstasy. No, I am not on drugs, drink occasionally, but not on this night, did not hit my head or get hit on the head or anything else that would obscure my mental ability. One evening last fall, I was exercising to overcome a bad bout of depression. My spouse was avoiding me and did not want to talk to me on the phone. I was very upset. As I told you before I had always been the one who had to take the initiative in this marriage. In fact, I have had to do that in all my relationships with men. That evening, I was in tears and literally trying to catch my breath in between sets. I almost lost the weights because I was not concentrating as one should when lifting. I finally gave up and started talking to God. I asked him why did I have to work so hard to get people to love me? My children were the only ones who gave me unconditional love. It took many years for my spouse to even send me flowers. I spoke to God for along time. I felt that maybe I was undeserving of love from anyone(outside of my children). I am still struggling with this issue, but I am also still trying to take care of myself. When I went to bed, I was so exhausted that I had trouble falling asleep and I had to work the next day. I finally fell asleep and I began a journey that I don't really know if it was a dream or an out of body experience. I was in a room with other people. The room was brightly lighted and I was dressed like I was making my first communion(most Catholics do this). In my hand was a lighted candle shaped like the Washington monument with writing all around it. The writing was not in English, but what looked to be Hebrew or closely related. As I was standing there with these other people, the room got brighter and all of a sudden I felt this immense feeling of love. I can't even describe the feeling to you accurately and do it justice. You would need to experience it. I have never in my life felt this kind of love. At that point, I felt at peace. I did not want to leave this place. At that point, I was even willing to leave this earth. I truly felt real love. There was no sexual tone to it. I felt like a baby in my mothers arms. The dream or whatever it was was short, because I woke up right after that and began to cry.<BR>By no means, am I trying to convince people to become religious. I am just saying that I experienced something that I can't explain and I wish I could experience it again. My family throughout history has believed in the unexplained, supernatural, life after death. In fact today, we celebrate Dia de los muertos.(Day of the Dead). At one point in all of our histories, we as humans believed in events, things that there was no explaination or scientific evidence for. We held on to a faith, a belief in something spiritual that would see us through our darkest days. Be it Jesus Christ, Mohammad, Budda, Wicca, Pagan, Gods, Goddesses and Other beliefs that I don't know about. We even believed in each other. The days when a handshake could be taken as a trusted agreement, a kindred spirit, a bosom friend. In my quest for survival, I wonder if I should not look back at my ancestors and what I was taught to find myself and my happiness. We are human and we make mistakes, but we are in the spiritual world - kindred spirits. If you read this and take this as a kooks reasoning. so-be-it. I have been called worse. My love to you all

I don't see any kooks. It's the "Good Big Thing" no matter what each of us calls it, and I, for one, have a great deal of faith in it.<P>The spirit of our higher power is there for each of us and, I honestly believe, will always be there, especially when we need it the most.<P>It may not show itself as it did in your dream or vision or experience, whatever it may be called. Many times you'll find it in quieter ways if you pay attention. Like in the laughter of your children, an unusual quietness in your heart. It may only last an instant, but hold on to it whenever you need it.<P>It was a beautiful experience you had, sobeit. Treasure it.<P>Lori

Sobeit,<BR> I've had the same kind of experience.<P> After we lost our 3rd child to stillbirth, I was in despair. I was blaming myself for doing this or not doing that during the pregnancy and wondering if I was such a terrible mother to the two children we already had that God did not see fit to let us have our little girl. I was a real emotional mess, for sure!<P> Anyway, about 6 weeks after her death, I guess I was about as low as I could go. I was so tired that I told the Lord, "Just do what you want to do with me." That night, something woke me. Yes, I was AWAKE! (And, BTW, I was not on antidepressants because I couldn't stand the dry mouth from them.) I sat straight up in bed, and it was like the whole bedroom was lit up, only I could not see anything but this intense, pure white LIGHT. I felt such <B>AWE, JOY, and PEACE</B>! I felt <B>COMFORTED</B> for the first time since Jamie's death.<P> I'm positive that the Holy Spirit visited me that night, and it sounds to me like He visited you, too. In the midst of our despair, He lifted us up. He let us know that He is with us--ALL the way!

Sobeit,<BR>I believe you. When I had a terrible car accident that my kids and even my dog, walked away from, I know there was something with me while we were spinning.<P>And one of the sweetest stories is when my Great Grandpa was dying and my Grandma was with him, he kept saying "Can't you hear that beautiful music?" <P>Hold on to that moment. You know you are loved. You know you have a purpose here on earth!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Bringing to the top for Arik.

We were driving up to Big Bear for the afternoon. I fell asleep, and my husband and son were outside skipping stones into the lake. There were other cars around. <P>As I awoke, I could hear beautiful music. I opened the door to the car and the music stopped. I asked my husband where did the music come from. He looked at me strange, and said from no where, no one had any music on. <P>During this time I was reading the bible from front to back. I had hit "Zepheniah" the next day. It goes something like this....<P>"Is that a joyous choir I hear? No, it is the lord rejoicing over you in happy song...."<P>Yes - there is a God, and he loves us dearly. And this place that we are in will not last. This earthly life will not last, and this pain from infidelity will not last. <P>Great thread, sobeit.<P>

Arik says my faith is blind but I will tell you why it is not.<P>While going through training for the youth ministry team I was having doubts as to the existence of God, I am not really sure why but it was there. During a prayer meeting I was sitting off by myself while people were receiving prayer for various things. One of the senior members of the team came up to me and said "Nicole, God is telling me you are having serious doubts as to his existence and his love for you. He has also told me that you have a serious medical problem that you are too afraid to tell anyone about(I was having severe stomach pain and was bleeding alot). He wants you to know that he is real and to know that He loves you. He is healing you of this ailment right now so you will know this. From that time on there was no more stomach pain or bleeding.<P>Even after this I was somehow doubting God. I had been sexually abused by an uncle when I was younger and still dealing with the pain of this. During time set aside for personal prayer I was sitting in the middle of the front yard at the youth center. I prayed"Lord if You ARE real please send somebody over to pray with me about this." I looked up and a different senior member of the team was standing before me. He said "I felt God wanted me to come and pray with you. Were you seually abused as a child?" He prayed with me and the healing began.<P>These are very concrete things to me God spoke to me through other people and although sometimes I don't acknowledge Him as much as I should I KNOW he is there.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited November 27, 1999).]

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