I'm just got home from b ball tourney. Wife wouldnt even look at me when I walked by or talked to the other parents. Kinda sad but I expected that I guess.
The inlaws sat by me not her as they are mad at her. That apparently really made her mad.
She called her mom after they left and tried to defame me. she tried to say I was crazy for exposing it to her work and everyone. She said to her mom I almost got fired and he did it. inlaw said nothing other than well was it the truth. Wife got mad I guess. Then she tried to tell lies and say I followed her, which never once have done. She tried to say I threatened her friend, which I never did in fact I'm finding being really nice really gets the other person freaked out. Her mother said well who did he threaten, Wife said dont try to be funny mom.

Kinda feeling crappy cause I dont know what the next thing to happen will be. I know I did the right thing, I still wish I was never going through this nightmare.
Its obvious wife is going to try to lie and blame me some more if she can to whoever will listen to her. Should I be doing anything or what or sit tight and stay on offense if I can.

The one bad thing I didnt get done in time is talk to the kids, I suspect she is trying to fill them with lies about me if she can to block the truth of what she did from them believing. I still think I need to let them know just the truth. The reason all this started to happen no matter what Mom tells you is. She got mixed up at work and started to date another guy and he has told mom if she wanted to see him more she would have to move out and get a divorce and not talk to me anymore.
Is this fair to tell them its the truth.

Do you really think she will come to appreciate what I have done or will she stay pissed for a long long time and try to make my life crappy if she can.

Absolutely, you need to tell your kids the truth. Encourage them to talk to her and ask questions about why she would ruin their family for a big fat nothing.

And just continue to be nice! Her anger will blow over. You are doing just great! Her affair is crumbling...

A HUGE plus in your corner is that her mother is aligned with you.

I don't recall - Does your WW have any sisters, or sister-surrogates (cousins, etc)? You're going to want them singing from the same hymn-book when WW goes to them for comfort/support (with MIL on your side) as you continue to be unreasonable, thoughtless, and cruel. (Translating from wayward-speak, you'd be forthright, consistent, and moral.)

You absolutely DO need to tell the kids, or else the WW will make you look awful.

And NG is right, you have a GIFT, a GREAT gift, in that your MIL is on your side.

her step father just called and warned me to protect myself and make sure I dont go anywhere near her house or do anything she could use against me because she told them she was going to try to use things to show I'm crazy because I exposed her relationship which she still doesnt want to always tell the truth on what is going on.
The only thing she has over me right now is the kids (and my feelings but I am keeping them in check pretty good, still wish none of this had ever happened but i cant change it so...) and she knows it and seems to want to use it if she can. I have started a journal to keep track of anything of substance that happens.
Any of you with experience on this. I'm sure this is still fresh and hurtful to her. how long usually does it take for her to come to the realization she caused all this to happen and I am just exposing the truth.

This sucks!!

Hey bud I am in your boat right now but I don't know who is with me other than her mother and I am not sure that will help. Hang in there and I know this sucks but keep in mind you where damned if you didn't and and damned if you did only thing different now is what your damned for. Lost wife because it might be over? or you didn't do everything you could do. No one in there right mind can shame you or be mad at you for trying to save your family and your marriage.

Just my opinion but it is what has helped me sleep since I exposed.

Just make sure that both of you (bigsky and rtschida) keep a voice recorder on you whenever you talk with your WW.

It's not unheard of for a desperate wayward to trump up phony domestic violence charges to get someone out of the house.

Did you ever get that VAR? If not, get it and keep it on you when you are around her. As far as how long, well, she can't keep this up forever. This level of rage takes way too much energy. No way she can sustain it for too long. Just take solace in the fact that HER family is in your corner for now and continue to thank them for their support in your marriage. That's better than a lot get.

You should get that VAR. And in that note-taking thing, do not only write what she does badly, write what she does well. A complete record will help in court.

Keep a separate notebook for what she does with the kids. When you fill one up, go to the library and make copies--in case your WW should find the other notebooks.

Yep. That's what they do when they can't respond to an obvious truth. No response. Typical wayward garbage.

I hope your in-laws realized how bad this sounded. I, a faithful spouse, couldn't care less if my husband followed me. I hope he does whenever he wants! I have nothing to hide - if he feels better, following me around, that's fine.

If your WW comes back to you and you both follow the MB concepts to recover your marriage, there won't be any 'making your life crappy'. You won't have a 'get back at you' sort of marriage. Stay the course.

Are you not at home? You need to get back into your house if you're not there already. Wear a VAR and keep it with you at all times. There is no set time frame for her to defog. But you can do a lot to help her. You've already gotten a great start by exposing her A. Do NOT be afraid that she isn't 'getting' her role in this whole mess. Don't worry about that right now.

rt, you inflicted a very powerful blow against her affair and this is more evidence of your effectiveness. It is tantamount to taking the crack away from the crackhead. You have ruined all possible hope of pursuing her addiction. She will calm down, don't worry about that.

The others are right, just keep your VAR turned on at all times you are around her. And be sure and tell your kids the truth ASAP. You might as well get your money's worth.

maritalbliss thank you your right. I never thought of it that way if wife followed me or had someone follow me or check anything on me wouldnt bother me at all in fact I may have fun with it.
great ideas with the notebooks and how to keep a journal I will do.
I will go to b buy and get a var tomorrow.
we never had a get back at you sort of marriage before until this crap, until then it was the complete joy.
Yes I'm at home Wife moved a few miles away to a rental house initially to work on marriage but that was just a lie, dirtbag convinced her that is what she needed to do for him.

melody Thank you on insight and confidence building for me, I see the relation completely as it really seems the same as someone addicted to something like drugs.
I will try to talk to the kids very very soon and get that done.

Anything else to do for a while? We'll see what tomorrow brings when I call to get kids.

Yes I'm lucky to have supportive parents and inlaws. They both are great, dont know anything on how to deal with this but as I learn from all of you and DR. Harley I relay what you tell me and everything makes sense and is happening as was told it would. I dont think she realizes how lucky she had it to have the support she did from everyone in our lives.
someday she will definately figure that out i'm sure.

That's what my WW did when the post hit Facebook and she called and told me to take it down or else.I told her to prove me wrong and I would post an apology call all of her relatives back (that was priceless because she had not even thought of that yet)Tell the her children they had always been right I was a A..hole and pay for the divorce and she would get everything. You know what answer I got..........Click!!!!!!!!!!!!

BigSKy,
Are you back home yet?
CT

Oops......sorry, RT. I didn't mean to jack your thread.

No. She didn't move anywhere initially to work on your marriage. She moved out so she could have sex with OM and see him at her leisure. He didn't have to talk her into it, either.

Make sure you understand your WW for what she is right now, and don't make the mistake of assigning all the blame on the other person. That's a common mistake many betrayeds make.Your WW needs to own all of her actions, so don't let her off the hook by blaming OM for things she has done.

MB Your right. she moved out telling me she wanted to work on herself and look at us. It was all BS from the get go. When I first found out about the other guy EA and I confronted both of them on this she denied it and he admitted to a EA. Both agreed not to talk to each other.
Well after that We were on a rollercoaster ride, Wife and I. It turns out now that he told her he didnt want her to talk to me or see me. He wanted her to get divorced. All kinds of stuff he wanted and she could and should have been able to say F you but she didnt she played it so she could have it both ways.
Now that it has been exposed. I'm falsely the bad guy or crazy guy but she and he are innocent in there minds. (demented if you ask me)Now he was upset because she lied to him about everything going on and she's upset because the truth is coming out.
I heard a sermon today and it talked about guilt and false guilt. Wife tried for months and succeded to fill me with false guilt that I didnt do the things I should have and everything was my fault and it put me in the dumps trying to fix something that I didnt do wrong. Dont get me wrong A person can always do better hindsight but I was a good husband and father, provided for all there needs and wants emotionally and physically. I have been consumed by false guilt.
Now she on the other hand is consumed by guilt but the only way she can deal with it is to continue to lie and try to blame the guilt on me or anyone else but herself. This is self destructive and she will have to continue to lie to cover up lies and deceive other which will cause her to blame others for her wrong doings until she can own up to her own wrong doings. I think this is the idea some of you veterans have been talking about just not in a biblical term. correct?

Its amazing how glorious movies or books can make this out to be but in real life how painful and destructive it really is.

Ahhh, yes - the exposed WW's scramble for cover. Charming, isn't it? And sooooooo predictable.

RT, put yourself in WW's shoes:

She has been exposed to friends, family and acquaintances as having the morals of a $2 hooker. (Actually, less, as the hooker at least gets the $2!) She was used as nothing more than a kleenex by a 350-lb slob, and when exposed, HE spilled his guts to everyone in earshot.

So now she has two choices:

1) She can admit to herself the ugly truth that she is seriously flawed, disgusting excuse for a human being, and maybe decide to correct that condition.

2) She can try to load everyone up with stories of your evil makeup, distracting them from focusing on her, and giving her the patina of "cause" for her own behavior.

Rarely does the WW initially choose #1.