This is my second time around here. First time he cheated. This time he's been lying to me about our finances. I recently discovered that we are in a pile of debt he put us in. We have kids, we are Christians, we did counseling the first time, but have no money to do anything this time. I just feel like if I stay every few years I'm gonna have a bombshell dropped on me. We've been together almost 20 years. Just like when he cheated, his problem is he is deceitful. How do I trust him and why would I stay in a marriage like this? I want to leave, but am so afraid of being a broke single parent. I'm so hurt and angry I can't bear to look at him, so he has moved out. It all sucks. I really don't know what to do from here. I don't have the strength, or the interest or the desire to put in all the work I did the first time getting over his affair to try to get over this betrayal. Do I stay for the kids and suffer through bombshells every few years? Or do I realize this is MY only life and I can't let someone ruin it. He has squandered away ALL of our hard earned money...ALL and put us in a crap load of debt. I feel he is ruining my life, but if I leave, will the grass really be greener?

So sorry you are here but don't feel you have thrown away the time you spent trying to recover your marriage. You learned an amazing amount about what makes a good relationship and will take this with you for the rest of your life. I remember LovingAnyway (I miss her) telling me that I would absolutely know when it was the right time to stop working on my marriage and start working on me.

Your children are going to be fine, you are going to be fine. It's not that the grass will be greener exactly, it's that the lack of trust is a poison that leaches all the joy out of your life. Once you no longer have to deal with that you will feel very free. Get the best lawyer in your town and use the innocent spouse argument to leave him with the debt. There will be a time of happiness after this process is over.

Welcome to Marriage Builders, happywithhim. You say you were here before because of your H's infidelity. How have the two of you done, recovering from that? I'd like to hear a little bit more about that part of your marriage before I start to advise you. I'll go back and read your thread, as well.

Your husband is engaging in independent behavior that is withdrawing units from your love bank at a rate that is causing you to fall out of love with him. This is why you are questioning your reasons for remaining married.

You have many reasons to remain in your marriage. Your children deserve two parents who are together and in love. The last thing I'm going to suggest you do right now is D your husband. That would be very irresponsible of me, without knowing what the two of you have done to recover and rebuild your marriage after his affair.

What has he said to your suggestions that you work on Marriage Builders concepts or try counseling with Steve? Have you suggested any of this to him?

If your H is aware of MB concepts, he is not following them and it is creating a serious situation for your marriage. Would he be willing to counsel with Steve?

I was also wondering if you and your BH/WH ever recovered from your EA with your family friend?

What MB plan's have you done?

What EP have you and your WH/BH put into place to start recovery?

I'm sorry you and your BH/WH find yourself back here.
Have you talked with any of the Harley's?