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Alright, you answered that question. The only question left is, what are you going to do about this bullcrap? Melody and I have both told you the exact same thing as to what to do. Gonna do it?
rm, you are in one unique position here. As we have all said, most people on this board would love to have your resources right now. Grow a pair and blow this thing up. I know you're scared and hurt (and I truly do feel for you), but doing the right thing will rip that fear right out of you. It will empower you. You won't regret it.
Again, get on it!
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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She's testing you.
There come a point, it seems, in every WW/BH situation that comes to us, that the WW totally "signs out" of her marriage. Even if the POSOM is run off in those cases, the WW will have decided NOT to return to her BH. At that point, the WW's mindset is not only that she needs (wants, desires) OM, but that she despises (hates, demeans) her spouse.
I give you your situation in that light:
- You know she's planning to see OM next weekend.
- She knows you know that.
- If you cannot prevent her going, what will be her reinforced opinion of your will, and effectiveness, as a man/husband/father/family leader?
One of the major tenets of this site is that it is biased toward action. Dude, take action on THIS. Put plainly, IMHO, if she goes to that assignation, you'll have little hope to save your marriage.
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thanks for the advice all. I'm starting to put together the information on a No Contact letter and looking to reach out to OMW and let her know about this weekend.
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thanks for the advice all. I'm starting to put together the information on a No Contact letter and looking to reach out to OMW and let her know about this weekend. RM, have you contacted the IG about this? What no contact letter do you mean specifically?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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No I haven't contacted the IG yet, I'm trying to put my thoughts together before I do that.
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No I haven't contacted the IG yet, I'm trying to put my thoughts together before I do that. That is where I focus all of your attention. If you contact the IG TODAY, he can end this affair TOMORROW. If you know the base where the OM reports to, you can google it and get his name, rank, etc along with the IG's contact information. You are in a very unique position from others in that you have a SILVER BULLET to kill this affair. In order to save your marriage, you have to kill this affair. Please don't wait around on this, rm1979. If they meet up this weekend, as planned, then it will be harder to save your marriage. There is no reason to let that happen.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm getting the information together on the OM.
How does one handle the response of WW when she says you can't love me for telling the truth? Or you are disrespecting me?
I ask this as I went with her to her first psych visit for the depression and she went ballistic over me telling the truth to the point of packing up clothes when getting home to leave. Our 5 year old daughter begged her not to leave.
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I'm getting the information together on the OM.
How does one handle the response of WW when she says you can't love me for telling the truth? Or you are disrespecting me? Calmly tell her "I am so sorry you are upset. Can I get you a potato chip?" [smile  ] Be polite but don't allow her to drag you into fight and most of all: DON'T TRY TO REASON WITH HER. Just picture that you have taken the crack pipe away from the crack head and imagine their FURY. You wouldn't let it bother you, would you? I ask this as I went with her to her first psych visit for the depression and she went ballistic over me telling the truth to the point of packing up clothes when getting home to leave. Our 5 year old daughter begged her not to leave. If she pulls this stunt again, I would be a gentleman and offer to carry her bags out. Let your daughter see that you handle it in a calm, controlled manner. She needs to see that her mother can't manipulate you with her drama.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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thanks for the advice all. I'm starting to put together the information on a No Contact letter and looking to reach out to OMW and let her know about this weekend. You don't need to put together a No Contact letter. We've got templates for that to help you. And you're premature in putting an NC letter together right now, anyway. You've got to kill the affair, first. Your best tool for that is exposure to all of the people who can pressure the OM and your WW to end the affair. That list would be his wife, his IG, his family, her family and your children. Add to that anyone else she respects who would counsel her to terminate her sleazy actions.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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thanks for the advice all. I'm starting to put together the information on a No Contact letter and looking to reach out to OMW and let her know about this weekend. You don't need to put together a No Contact letter. We've got templates for that to help you. And you're premature in putting an NC letter together right now, anyway. You've got to kill the affair, first. Your best tool for that is exposure to all of the people who can pressure the OM and your WW to end the affair. That list would be his wife, his IG, his family, her family and your children. Add to that anyone else she respects who would counsel her to terminate her sleazy actions. This first. This action will kill it...period. The end. Get it done
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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HEY!
Good, now I've got your attention. STOP dispersing your efforts on unimportant nonsense. You have three things to do before Leap Day. (Check your calendar!)
1 - Contact his IG.
2 - Develop a plan to prevent WW from leaving this weekend.
3 - Contact OMW with the first piece of information.
You need not talk to WW. You need not worry about an NCL. You said you would contact your lawyer today if WW didn't call; she didn't. Did YOU? (Never mind, don't waste time answering that!)
Get your head out of your pooper and GET TO WORK!
(God, I hate when we care more about saving a guy's marriage than HE does!)
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I've started everything with IG. I know this is the right thing to do but it's the hardest thing I have done.
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rm1979,
There are many OM who use their knowledge about the state of other servicemens marriages to their advantage destroying families in the process. They might as well be the enemy for the damage they are doing to our side.
You've done the right thing.
God Bless
Gamma
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Good job, RM! 
Me: WW41
Hubby: BH40...My Amazing forgiving man (CharpyTest)
DD: 8 DS: 8 DD: 6
EA/PA: 3 years
May 25, 2011 (Formal NC letter sent)
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I've started everything with IG. I know this is the right thing to do but it's the hardest thing I have done. rm, you did good! It was the right thing to do. You have now possibly protected someone else's wife by holding him accountable. But don't stop there. Call his wife, tell your family and friends all about the plans for this weekend. Ask them all to use their influence to persuade her to stop her affair. Does the OM have a facebook account? Can you reach his parents?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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His wife knows about the plans, apparently he may already be under a NCL as she said that his [censored] would be thrown in jail if they meet up. Friends & Family knew about the intent not long after she approached me about it.
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His wife knows about the plans, apparently he may already be under a NCL as she said that his [censored] would be thrown in jail if they meet up. Friends & Family knew about the intent not long after she approached me about it. Did she tell you this herself? Or did you hear it second hand.
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This was working with My Sister who can still talk to the OMW. She also provide all the information on his Command as well.
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This was working with My Sister who can still talk to the OMW. She also provide all the information on his Command as well. RM, are you speaking directly to the OM's wife? you need to be talking with her and making her into an ally.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I have talked to her (not going to again) she's already working with the IG. I gave them the additional evidence
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