That is not true. Committment would be backed up by action, not empty talk. You are not committed.

I find Ace's wife's purported reactions to be very unusual. Am I the only one?

AM

And there you have it. You got both got your soulmate Schmoopy hit today so you're feeling just fine about it all. You have yet to go through withdrawal. How strong will you be when and if withdrawal really kicks in?

Affairs thrive on drama and yours is no different. It's like high-school all over again. You are counting on OW to respect your wishes. She's an OW lacking in respect or morals. Think about it. What kind of woman carries on with a married man? She nor you cared one whit about your marriage and stomped all over it willingly and knowingly.

Now you are going to trust her (and yourself) to stop? I feel really bad for your wife.

Good luck with your plan.

I find it somewhat suspect too, but I have seen worse in my 11 years here. Gullibility has no bounds in this business.

Also, a WS's dream. A BW who isn't willing to stand up against the abuse that her WH's adultery is hammering on her every day. He knows that he won't have any consequences so why change his behaviour.

Nope, this seems a bit too neatly packaged.

It could suggest that she's not really invested in the M. Maybe she has something on the side going on as well.

As for continuing to work together, what Ace is not considering is the impact this is likely going to have on his BW, assuming that she IS invested in recovery. My FWW continued to work with the OM for a few months after DDay. Even though SHE said she was Ok with (in reality, she wasn't), I can tell you that I certainly was NOT ok with it, and it had a significant negative impact on our recovery.

I agree, I wondered the same thing.

Do you not see the irony, here?

here

LOL, this is one thing I love about you Mel. Your subtle nature.

That's why they call me LowKeyMel!

and the picture of RESTRAINT for not posting this to MrAce: click me

Or that the "conversation" with his BW never happened at all.

Thanks for all the comments.

Update Day three after DDay
Before I start - Northwood - make no mistake..the conversation with my wife did in fact happen.

Last night my wife and I sat down and wrote out a plan for our marriage recovery. Looking at things that we each need as an individual, and as a couple.
We also agreed that we need to continually revisit the plan and adjust as necessary as we go through the plan.
We decided to forgo a trip together now, because of the fact we both feel that a trip would just put off the starting of our process. As we generally enjoy our trips and would focus on the fun rather than the issues at hand.
We instead decided to plan a camping trip with our daughter when we are further along in our process. Seeing how we see the need to rebuld our family as well after this and our daughter is a very large part of that.
We are planning on both sitting down and talking to our daugher soon.
My wife and I plan on a secoond trip when we are closer to the final stages of our process.
We are also planning on spending as much time together as we possibly can going forward and setting up what we call "our time" in the evenings and and making sure that neither of us misses it unless it is absilutely unavoidable and then we will simply reschedule it for later that same day.
My wife and I have started talking and txting constantly during the day and that has helped as well.
And today she wanted some coffee at work, so I left my office in the middle of the morning and drove across the city to take her a cup of her favorite from Starbucks. Felt great to do that.
Plus I got to see her in the middle of the day which sometimes is difficult to do.

Things at work are still holding steady, so no problems there yet.

Part of what I have planned to do and my wife agreed that it is a goog idea, is that when my mind starts to wonder the other way during this withdrawal stage, that I should be sure and tell her. As well as the details of what is going on in my mind, no matter what they are.
I have identified my largest times of weekness are when I am alone and my wife is at work. My mind wonders more during that time. So I have been working on things that I can do to curb those periods of time and those thoughts. That I feel is critical to getting through this period of withdrawl.
Yes I have started withdrawl, although not quite to peek yet I am sure.... that will take some time to get there and I am sure it will get worse before it gets better.
The one key difference this time unlike the other times is that I am focusing my thoughts on my wife. And any time I may get a thought about the OW or at a time when I would be doing or communicating with the OW. I in turn send messages to my wife, and or call her. That also helps.
If at all possible when I am not at work, I will do whatever I can to be with my wife. In fact this weekend she is running a booth at a wedding show for her company. I know... no place for a guy.... But I plan on going, so I can be there with her.
Even if it means dealing with 5000 crazy Brides to be. LOL

Yesterday when I was leaving work, my wife was on her way home as well, and I called her. We talked the entire way home. we have not done that in years. It felt great.
My phone was dead and needed to be charged. And for the first time in a long time it was because of all the txting and talking to my wife.... and not the OW.

So, baby steps at first I know.
All I know is that I feel good again todayand I do have feelings of being happy starting to return.
My wife and I both know that there will be ups and downs during this process and this first stage will be most likely to most difficult.

I do have a question.
I know that there is no real timline for all of this as each situation is unique.
And knowing that you all have survived this or at least some form of this, what kind of timeline can be expected for each step?

Thanks Again.

Oh ace. I'm not sure what you are looking for here?

Nobody can give you a timeline as you refuse to implement MB strategies.

Only ace can tell you, because so far, nobody here has ever seen such a "program" implemented as this one. Well, they have, but I haven't seen one that didn't come mentioned as an afterthought in a false recovery thread.

"Recovering My Marriage... With Limitations", in everyone's humble opinion here, simply means "false recovery". End of.

Dr. H says usually 2 years after D-Day to recover to a point where both of you are comfortable.

You are in for a rollercoaster ride for sure.

One more thing..........do not let your guard down. Mr. W is right when he says AP's do not like to be scorned (even if it's done nicely) and will seek revenge.
You cannot trust your AP to protect you. That's done with.

For something to have a timeline, it has to have a beginning.

There is no beginning yet.

Like mentioned before, ask someone that has done it like this. No one here has.

Thanks

We will continue to grow and work through this process.
And I know it wont happen over night and will take alot from both of us.

I can feel what good feelings towards my wife used to feel like. and while yes there is still a fog over everything, the good feelings give me hope.

It was interesting when I took her coffee, felt somewhat uncertain as it once did when we were first in our dating stages of our relationship. But we talked the entire time I was there, something we have never done.
For one thing, our communication skills have imporved.
That will help in the long run.

I can respect and realize the failure that you all seem to see in my future. And I can appreciate what you say about it.
But in reality it makes me want to work that much harder.

Will post more later as progress continues.

Actually there has been a beginning.
I know.
I was there when that conversation happened.
Last Saturday.