I was dating this girl for 18 months and she was beautiful. She were both 27 when we started dating and neither of us had been in a serious relationship before. We both lived with out parents and after 5 months we hit a rough patch. I started a new job and she started acting distant. I noticed her text messages were becoming very short (mostly one or two words) and she started adding these single guys to facebook. I was starting a new job at this time and I think she was a bit jealous. I asked her what was wrong, she said she was upset I didn't introduce her to my friends yet. I asked her if she was jealous I started a new job and if she was jealous. Anyway she sent a text and said we were broke up.

The next day I called her, apologized and we got back together. Everything was great for a few months. I went to Las Vegas with a few friends (she couldn't get time away from work). I'm not sure if she was worried I did something I should have done but she started talking with this one other guy a lot. I had met all of her guy friends (most of which were gay) but this one guy was older, taller and in the military. I spent a week at her house in the spring and while she was in the shower I read a few of her text messages. She was very flirty with this guy saying "admit it you want me", that "I was an insecure boyfriend because I didn't like her texting other guys", and that "they couldn't talk on the phone much this week because I was sleeping over each night". My gf found out I snooped through her phone when she got out of the shower and was very pissed at me for snooping. I said I was sorry but didn't tell her about what I read.

A few weeks later I snooped on her open facebook page and found out she was hiding her facebook relationship status with this guy. I sent a text to my girlfriend to say we needed to talk. I didn't tell her I was on her page because I thought she would flip again and break up. I asked her if there was anything she wanted to tell me and she said no they were just friends. I said it bothered me she was chatting with him a lot. She said she would cut back on their phone calls but she never cut off contact. I didn't want to be controlling and tell her what to do.

A few months later we went on vacation down south (we were planning it for months). I had a great time but she was a little moody that I didn't want her mother to come along too and that I was a little cheap when we went out for dinner sometimes. I think she was upset that I didn't propose to her.

Anyways, a few weeks after we came home I had a little but of stress going on at home. I got in a little argument with my parents and they told me I had to move out. I sent a late night text to my girlfriend giving her an ultimatum that if she didn't move out with me I would do it by myself and maybe want a prenup someday. She wasn't impressed with this and sent me back a message saying she didn't want to live with me with that attitude. I screwed up I know but I was under stress.

Anyway a week later I was still jealous this other guys was flirting with her so being stupid I signed up on a dating site looking for someone new. Long story short my gf noticed I was acting weird/moody and she caught me online. She said it was over and she was going to start dating someone else. I said I was sorry for being on the dating site and if she wanted to date it was fine but I didn't want her to date that guy. She said she was single and would do whatever she wanted. I then told her I was snooping on her facebook page and she was pissed. I had an angry outburst and sent emails to her girlfriends that she was having an emotional affair for months with this guy and I sent an email to the other guy to enjoy my sloppy seconds. I have an anger problem and have gone to therapy since then.

Anyway, I embarrassed my gf because she thought this guy would be her backup guy. Her parents found out I was on the dating site, and sent messages to her friends and this guy and they were furious. They told her never to speak to me again.

A few days I apologized to my now ex-girlfriend. I said I was wrong for snooping and I shouldn't have given her an ultimatum to move in with me before marriage, and I shouldn't have been on a dating site to get revenge for her emotional affair, and I shouldn't have embarrassed her by sending emails to her girlfriends.

Anyway, it's been months since the breakup and she hasn't talked to me since. She isn't dating anyone else but refuses to talk to me.

I have sent flowers, left voicemails, etc. It's no use. I feel like an idiot because this girl came from a great family who were nice to me, but because she had an emotional affair, then I snooped on her, the got angry and exposed the emotional affair she will never talk to me again.

I have been so depressed since the breakup. I had trouble sleeping, went to a counselor, and have dated 2 girls since then but can't get over her. The sex we had was amazing!

Any advice???

Yes. Stop wasting your time with this girl. There's a big world out there. There are a lot of women who would love to have a man with whom they can be totally open. Find a woman who includes you in her whole life and doesn't hide relationships with other men from you and you'll be on your way.

She and you are done.

The lesson here is: STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOUR DUMB ACTIONS

Man up. Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Look at it this way, if something is your fault, that is good. Because you can change something by acting differently. If things are never your fault, you do not control your life.

Your post is littered by comments that tell me you made mistakes and blameshifting, and you know it inside, but do not want to recognize them:

- I had a LITTLE argument with my parents and they threw me out (cannot be so little then, can it?)
- "but because she had an emotional affair, then I snooped on her, the got angry and exposed the emotional affair she will never talk to me again."
You make it essentially her fault.
You could have written: I signed up to have sex with other people and took revenge at her once she found out. Now I made an [censored] of myself her good-situated family will not have contact with me anymore, because I behaved like someone from the gutter. (sorry to put it this way)

What she did, does not deserve a prize either. If you read up on the material here (especially the love busters and emotional needs) you could become really cool boyfriend material. At the moment, you do not really know how to treat a woman, or you would not have written the above.

If you apply these things not only to your future girlfriend/wife but also to other important people in your life, you will have an awesome life.
If you keep doing what you have been doing, you are probably going to get layed off, and divorced in the future (and if not, you will have a very unhappy wife and therefore a very unhappy marriage).

You cannot alway get what you think you deserve in life and you cannot always have your way and be in charge. Once you accept that you won't be harder on others than you are on yourself.

Good luck,

Happyheart

Dude, take 6 months off of dating.

Use that time to read the relationship advice here on the website and try to grow up a little bit. Apologize to your parents. Stop blaming other people and situations for your mistakes. Learn to be a better man.

Your ex-girlfriend was out of line and you were a jerk. Next time you need to choose better, and you need to BE better.

If you didn't say you were both 27, I would have assumed you were both 17? You both are incredibly immature (and I am 27 myself).

She doesn't want to date you. Move on. You said it yourself "the sex was great" -> that's what you miss. And you miss drama. Mature adults don't threaten their partners to move in with them or sign up on dating sites for "revenge".

You have given no reason as to why any woman let alone this one should want to date you. You have a lot of soul searching to do.

She was cheating on you.

She got mad that you snooped.

Why?

Because she had something to hide, her relationship with this OM.

Those that have nothing to hide hide nothing.

Why do you want to get back with a seak and a cheat?

You date people because you want to find out if they are the right person for you. She is not the right person for you. Yes, she had some good qualities, but not enough. That does not make her a bad person or you a bad person.

Find someone else who is more right for you.

12345,

but this one guy was older, taller and in the military.

Do this guys wife a favor and tell her what is going on, inform his command as well.

God Bless
Gamma

Yes I certainly made a lot of costly mistakes. After listening to a lot of radio broadcasts of this show I realize now what I should have done. There is no hope for reconciliation though. She is still furious after 4 months and doesn't need me at all because she has wealthy parents.

12345, are you not reading our posts? We're not telling you to consider reconciling with her. We're in total agreement with you. We're telling you to move on. So...move on. Find a woman who has wealthy parents and STILL wants to be with you because it's not about the money. Find a woman who shares all of her life with you, and you share yours with her. Find a mature relationship where neither of you is revenging on the other one.

Go to the bookstore on this site and buy "Fall in Love, Stay in Love."

I will move on. I promise.

But I just want to know what you guys think. After reading everything who do you think was mostly at fault for the breakup? I'd say it was 80% my fault. But i'm just curious to know what others think.

I think you need to stop trying to bean count your relationship with your ex-girlfriend. I think you need to concentrate on working on yourself and create appropriate relationships with women.

But then...you knew my opinion, already, so I'll shut up now. Perhaps others will chime in with some words for you. Good luck.

Based on what you told us, I'd say 87.3% her fault, and 10.1% your fault. I know it doesn't add up to 100%, but part of me is undecided .

AGG

Just wanted to bump this to the front. If anyone else wants to discuss how bad I messed this up go right ahead, lol

Do you want to learn about MB concepts in order to have more successful future relationships/choose a good potential spouse?

Or do you wish to just chat about a bad breakup with a girl who isn't interested in dating you right now?

Please clarify... #1 people would love to help you but it sounds like you are just looking for a rant and that's not very useful. You did pretty much everything that MB stands against so what are you looking for?

Okay. Jumping in for fun.

She was 90% to blame for the breakup. She just wasn't that into you.

You will find another woman out there who is. The sex will be amazing with her too....probably better.

Now, start dating. Date, date, date til you find her. You might need to go out with 100 women to come across a keeper.

I read all the information you have provided on this post. I must say you are a person who is suffering from insecurity factor. If you love some one you must trust her completely. If you found her emotionally attach with other guy then you must talk to her instead of snooping. I want to advise you to stop thinking about her she moved on in her life and it will be beneficial for you too to move on in your love life.

He moved on from here a long time ago, counsellor.

What a load of crap! Trust comes from observing trustworthy behavior, not from sticking your head in the sand. Snooping, in principle, is advocated by Dr Harley.