Hi all, I am new to this pain and Hurt that comes from A. My WW and I have been trying to work on getting our Marrriage back. A little info for all. The EA started in July 2011, and according to her PA in October 2011, with it ending in Dec 2011. My DD was January 25 10pm. She told me about the A and asked for forgiveness. We are seeing a counsler. She has answered all my questions about the A, but I still have a nagging feeling she is not telling all.
Yesterday was a good day, I felt things were progressing at a slow but manageable pace, I did not have any Triggers or depressing thoughts about the A. I started to look around the bedroom, and found a Journal, Within I found some very unsettling words that rocked me to the core, WW words included She had no regrets about the A and she also said that she had never experiencee love like that before. This was dated 12-20-2011. Now I conforted her with this info and she got all defensive, and said those were just words that she had written at that time,and did not mean how she felt now. Am I not suppose to continue this search for more answers or let it go and believe she is truthful. Thanks for all replies

gravy, welcome to Marriage Builders, I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here.

Can you give us more information?

How long married?

Any kids?

Who is the OM? Is he married? If so, have you informed his wife?

Has your wife ended all contact with the OM? And I do mean ALL.

Where did she meet this rat?

Thanks Melodylane for responding I have been married 17 years I have Two boys 16,10. The OM is not married, he does have a GF. I believe all contact has ceased. She met him when she bought a car from him. While I was out of town on Business.

That is not very reassuring. Have you independently verified that:

1. this is the CORRECT OM?

2. he is not married?

3. all contact has ended? Are you snooping to ENSURE all contact has ended?

4. do you travel for a living?

What part of her story does not add up for you?

(From the movie Enemy at the Gates):

"He isn't dead, and do you know why? Because I haven't killed him yet." - Major K�nig

Her "affair" is not dead. What was an EA, and became a PA, is now hibernating in the recesses of her cheating mind. Females seem to have a remarkable facility to "retain" emotional attachments to their APs, like camels holding water. Until you drive those feelings from her, she is not your "wife", and you are correct in being distrustful of the state of your marriage.

The first thing you should do is click "Notify" at the bottom of this note and ask that the thread be moved to "Surviving an Affair".

I am trying to verify, all contact has ceased, I can account for all her time since Dday, I travel but not very often, As far as her story it is just a gut feeling that she hasn't disclosed the true extent of the A.

Can you answer my other questions?

And what snooping devices do you have in place? how do you know the affair has ended?

Neverguessed How do I drive those feeling from her? I am trying to be that H she wants.I am brutaly Honest about everything. I am trying to fill the LB. She is too. I mean I was totaly blinded by Dday. She came to me and Disclosed.

She bought a car from OM and that started her adultery? Wow, that�s a new EN on me.

I am sorry to bring this up, but it may be important. I think you need to do a lot more checking into her past. This does not sound like her only adultery. This one was way too easy for her.

gravy, I agree with the others. The story doesn't add up. Have you spoken to this OM? Checked him out?

Neverguessed How do I drive those feeling from her?

She's in the "Let's just get past this" plan. It won't work.

- She needs to self-expose to all family and friends, asking their oversight and help to keep her on track.

- She needs to write, for your review and mailing, a "No Contact Letter" to POSOM. There are examples here on this site.

- She needs to submit to a polygraph, so you'll be sure of the extent of her infidelity.

- She has to arrange for both of you to undergo a full bank of STD screens (probably twice, six months apart).

Here's a key indicator: Give her these conditions. If she says anything except, "Yes, I agree," you'll know I was right!

Gravy,

If he is a used car salesman you need to speak with his manager, if he is a new car salemen you need to speak with his manager and the company he sells, Toyota or whatever. If he is working for one of those major brands it will be easier to get him fired. You also need to speak with his GF.

God Bless
Gamma

Gamma He was fired from his job already. I had a nice confrontation with the OM and explain to him forcefully in no certain terms to contact Her ever again. This is a first time for an A. I am certain of that. We had a good marriage up until last year. We started Living separate lives. I know not good.

So you exposed the affair to his workplace? Have you confirmed he is not married? Does his girlfriend know of the affair?

No I did not expose to his employer, He was fired on his own. Yes i confirmed he is not married, and no i have not contacted GF, I can not find her. I will as soon as I do. They live in another Town

Do you think they live together? One way you could find out is call his house and disguise your # using *67. You might get a woman answering or a machine that gives a man and woman's name. Have you checked facebook to see him on there?

No they do not live together. I tried Facebook but he is blocking. When I work in that town, I drive by his house to see if there is another car there. As soon as it is I will stop and let her know.

Is he just blocking you or everyone?