Daisy, this philosophy simply doesn't work. We are all made happy by the actions of other people, not by our own decision to just be happy. No man is an island. We all have emotional needs, and they really are needs in the sense that we will feel very unhappy and frustrated in life if they are not met. And we cannot meet our own emotional needs; they have to be met by another person.

A good marriage with emotional needs met is one of only two factors that have been found to have a statistical correlation with happiness. We really can't make ourselves happy in life just by wishing it.

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A reminder to posters that the purpose of our forum is to help others learn Marriage Builders concepts. It is not to promote personal philosophies. Please help this poster with Marriage Builders concepts or refrain from posting.

Contact me directly if you have any questions.

Thank you, Fireproof

Chickadee can you please tell me more about this? I did google it and I got a lot of sites that are selling their version of the tapes. The info was interesting. I do feel that this is a "head" thing for me cause no external changes (temp, bed, tv, etc.) make any difference at all. Even meds don't stop the dreams. Maybe something like this will make a difference since it is more internal. Do you reccommend certain ones, what price range should I consider? The prices seem to vary a good deal.

The dream situation is really, really getting to me. Last night I didn't even try to go to bed until 12:40 PM because I dreaded the inevitable episode. Sure enough I dreamed about my FWH and OW2. Woke up extremely agitated just a couple of hours later and stayed half awake and upset the rest of the night. Something has to give!

I have always been high strung and many times wished I had an off switch for my brain. It's always spinning. Too bad it doen't spin on something useful! I could be a millionaire.

TIA!
Aerie

This popped out at me. I had this "switch" problem for a while; it was vastly helped by anti-anxiety medication. I was able to tolerate a tiny dose and it helped my brain to "turn off" when I wanted it to.

Suffering the betrayal of adultery is very traumatic. You might speak with your doctor about a short-term prescription to help see you through this very difficult time. Might be just six months to a year of meds.

LongWayFromHome,

I do have what is considered an anxiety disorder, and I have taken meds in the past. I do feel they are helpful to me although I actually dream even more on them, the Dr. says that SSRIs tend to do that to some people.

I am not on any meds right now. I ended up off of them this past September due to illness and surgery. I did not start back right away thinking I was doing well without. A couple of months later I realized that was a mistake but by that time FWH and I had reconciled and he is strongly opposed to psychiatric meds of any sort.

We have discussed the issue at length and the way it was left as of last month was that I would try to explore other natural methods of managing my anxiety for a time if during that time he would do some research on anxiety disorders, the physical reasons behind the disorder, and the medications I took to try to get a better understanding of my perspective. We said we would discuss it again in a month or two.

If I thought it would reduce my bad dreams I would probably push it harder but like I said, I usually dream more on the meds.

I initially started the last plan of treatment I was on after the first d-day in 2007. I was truly a basket case. Of course at that point FWH didn't give a flip what I did so it wasn't an issue. I continued on those meds and with that Dr. until this past September with positive results. Now that we are back together I feel like I need to take FWH's concerns into consideration. POJA and all that.

Prior to the last few years I had experienced a couple of other attempts at therapy and medication that turned out very negatively. One before my marriage and one other during. Both were with doctors that were not judicious with their prescription pads and I ended up very over medicated with side effects and worse than I started. I am sure that experience didn't help my FWH's opinion of psychiatry or psychiatric drugs.

Well that was a lot of words to answer your simple suggestion, huh? Anyway, thank you very much for taking the time to comment!

Aerie

they were just tapes with sounds that pinged back and forth in your ears (headphone a must) they started with a brief relaxation session then into the relazxing music. your eyes move back and forth, its very interesting. It did help me. there are a few professional organizations on line, i would start there- mine were copies of copies. you can also look on itunes to hear samples.

do you grind or clench your teeth- i really found that the guard worked

What worked the best for me was throwing myself into exercise. It worked wonders!

I agree, exercise is wonderful!

btw -- It appears my post was misinterpreted as giving "inappropriate" or non-MB advice. I apologize.

What I said was, "I share my overflow of self-love and care; verses SELF-LOVE GAINED from another persons attentions or actions" --- That's very different from saying I want my husband to make me happy, or that he's not responsible for how I FEEL ABOUT HIM. I'm also responsible for how HE feels about ME.

That's MB's, and I wholeheartedly agree with that!

Gotcha! Thanks Daisy.

Bump