So you think he is trying to pull a fast one?
I was hoping to believe this guy but not commit to anything.
The relationship cannot go on the way it is his parents and family know, her parents and family know, friends know, coworkers, bosses know. They got nothing to look forward to.
All families have put the pressure on from what I can tell.

I have grown up since much younger. I used to be a wrestler turned body builder compete at 3% fat at 220 to 225 off season 275 to 285 at 6'. Now I just stay in shape 240 ish and slight abs still. capable of mixing it up but learned being nice and talking gets alot more than being a azz and trying to be a tough guy. Nice and smart guy gets alot further than a hot head idiot.

The word of a man who has no honor means nothing. You would believe a lying, low down SNAKE who has demonstrated he has no respect for you, your wife and your children? Are you kidding me? He has already told you he will stay in touch with your wife so what are hoping to believe, my friend? That is really cute that he will call his continued contact with your wife "professional," but that does not help you one bit.

You should commit to him that if he ever contacts your wife again - IN ANY CAPACITY - that not only will he hear from you, but everyone else will too. You should be making that committment to him.

Never believe a dishonorable RAT. He is a liar who is trying to call the shots when he has NO SHOTS.

Did you respond to this weasel?

He tells you right here that he is not ending contact with your wife. He has no leverage and nothing to negotiate WITH. You don't negotiate with an empty handed man. You hold ALL THE LEVERAGE. He holds none.

Did you read your words? He has told you he will stay in contact with your wife. Nothing has changed.

I'm not going to negotiate at all. I will again lay out the facts and what I expect.
I know there is no gaurantee no matter what. But I would like to think this is good news but i will still have to keep my gaurd up.
If wife decides to work with me that will be one stipulation that she leave her job. until this happens I cant control if he needs to talk to her unfortunately. wish I could but...
I see it as a small step forward.
He thinks I should see a counselor to work on marriage and ourselves, little does he know I have MB Steve, Dr. H and his programs and you experts.

Any Input appreciated

No have not responded yet Waiting to put it together. not as he wants simple response.
attorney gave me some ideas but when done I want him to read so there is no legal ramafications for me.
you got ideas

A fast one would mean trying to deceive you. He's being open about the fact that he intends to continue to contact your wife. It does not matter that the contact is professional; your marriage cannot survive if she continues to have contact with him in any capacity, even "professional" contact. There is no way that the two of them can get together and maintain some sort of "boundary," because the two of them being together is a breach of boundaries, every time, for whatever purpose and no matter what happens.

Even if she just sees his picture or reads an email from him (whether new or old) it will give her another "hit" of her addiction to him, and she will never recover. Your marriage cannot survive her continuing to be addicted to him. She must go through complete withdrawal.

Please take the time now to read through Dr. Harley's articles on this site about how to survive infidelity. There are 29 of them. They are important. You need to know what it will take to survive.

There's no "fast one" about it. He is openly telling you he will continue to take action that will destroy your marriage. His name for that action is "professional contact."

I think it's offensive for him to lecture you about "working on your marriage" and going to counseling. He is an adulterer, and he is one of two people personally responsible for the biggest problem in your marriage. If he wanted, he could work on your marriage for you by staying the hell away, and that would make a tremendous difference.

Don't bother telling him this. You can't teach a wayward anything because they are fogged out on affair addiction brain chemicals. You can only let him know that there will be horrendous consequences if he continues to have anything to do with your wife.

By the way, around here, we know that the phrase "working on" is code for "doing nothing about." "Working on my marriage," "working on myself," "working on my anger problems," "working on my addictions," "working on ending my affair." When someone claims they are doing this, they are actually not doing anything. He doesn't know anything about your marriage, but he hopes to placate you by telling you you can "work" on it while he continues to see your wife at work.

Did you expose this affair to their management? You should make sure that they have to conduct their affair completely in the open.

The OM has spit in your face with his message. You have green slime running down your face and don't see it. He is telling you he intends on staying in touch with your wife and you had better not expose him again OR ELSE.

To add insult to injury, the filthy rat has the nerve to tell you to get counseling. That is like the rapist giving counseling advice to his rape victim. The filthy rat had the NERVE to tell you what is best for your children when he just helped break up their family. What a vile, low down snake.

The "committment" of a lying, sneaking filthy RAT means less than nothing. What matter is your committment. And he needs to know what you are committed to and what the consequences will be if he doesn't leave your family alone.

I would write this filthy rat back and say something like this:

Dear piece of rat filth, I am in receipt of your email promising to stay in touch with my wife. I would strongly suggest you reconsider that path. My committment to you is to keep everyone widely informed of your adultery with my wife. I will consider any contact with her to be a continuation of your pursuit of an illicit affair with a married woman. That is my pledge to you.

I would also caution you against discussing the children since you have helped destroy their family. My children know about your affair with their mother. They know you are their enemy. As an adulterer and homewrecker, you are not in position to "counsel" anyone, so keep your advice to yourself.

Be assured there is no future for you with my wife. You would be eternally hated by my wife's family and our children.

I see what you all are saying.
So I need to rethink my response to him and do this with demands of my own. I will rethink carefully.
I'm not giving him any credit. As I too am scheptical and do not take to his demands what so ever or his threats.
I'm not sure how to demand he does not talk to her at work at all as she does have to deal with most people in the facility at least once in a while. Soooooo. what do you demand that is attainable.
I will communicate with your family as much as you communicate with my wife? You talk to her I know it will still be going on and then you can count on me continueing to expose the truth's to any and everyone?

He will need to make it attainable if he knows what is good for him. See, any contact whatsoever with your wife, no matter what cute name he calls it, is a continuation of the affair. If an alcoholic changes the name of his drinks to "professional drinks" has anything changed? Heck no. Liars, cheaters and addicts all use that ploy to get away with continuing their addiction.


I suggest wording it the way I did above, because it is very vague and doesn't come across as a threat. Basically you are not threatening him, but making a pledge.

Just take out the rat filth part. I put that in there becuase he is a piece of rat filth.

POSOM, I am in receipt of your email promising to stay in touch with my wife. I would strongly suggest you reconsider that path as I will consider any contact to be a continuation of your adultery with my wife. My committment to you is to keep everyone widely informed of any future contact with my wife. That is my pledge to you.

I would also caution you against discussing my children since you have helped destroy their family with your adultery with their mother. My children know what you have done and they know you are their enemy. As an adulterer and homewrecker, you are not in position to "counsel" anyone, so keep your advice to yourself.

Be assured there is no future for you with my wife. You will be eternally hated by my wife's family and our children. You would be wise to stay very far away.

rts, all the OM did in his letter was a) promise to keep in contact your wife and b) threaten you with restraining orders and bodily harm if you expose him again. He offered you a BIG SPIT IN THE FACE.

You need to set that rat STRAIGHT and let him know you are not afraid of him and he can expect more of hte same if he doesn't stay away.

See, OM are big pansies and you have to let them know who is boss. Dr Harley says to cuase as much conflict as possible for the OM. To run them OFF. That is what you have to do. Everytime you find out that POS is in touch wtih your wife, you should be calling him up and exposing again. You need to raise holy hell in pansyland.

I like it Pansyland!!
Melody your right. I will not agree to his demands. I will let him know I will be in contact with anyone I like as much as he is in contact with my wife. He is not welcome to talk to her. His threats mean nothing nor is there any reason for them as he is the one who started to have a affair with my wife. and I am not scared one bit by his threats.

Only send what ML has written. It's perfect. DON NOT add anything.

Good job on exposure. You sunk his battleship.

for that piece of rat filth: [my apologies to rats for the insulting comparison ]

That would be awesome. Then you could ask the judge to put out a reciprocal restraining order on him. It might even apply to keeping him away from your wife, I'm not sure.

My best advice would be not to respond at all.

rt. I do not see any sincerity in OM e-mail. NONE. It is all about deflecting blame from himself and turning the attention on YOU. Sure he made a few token statements about some vague mistakes in his lifetime... blah, blah.. But the general tone of the e-mail was nothing more than a character attack on you.

Don't believe anything OM says. He is a liar and is trying to bully you into backing down in your fight for your M. He has no intention of staying away from your WW.

FWIW POSOP always seem to want to give marriage advice. It is just another tactic to throw you off guard. The OW in my situation was very self righteous also.

rt, you are so correct with this. Guys are natural fixers, and it's frustrating when we see the solution, yet are unable to implement the fix.