I am new to this forum so bare with me. Im lost on what to do with my marrige. Its not been good for a while and my wife says that she is not in love anymore and empty. I realize for the first time what is really important and want to take the right steps to have a loving relationship,but shes not sure. I guess my question is how to go about being the man I need to be for her without putting pressure on her? Is it possible for someone to fall back in love? Id appreciate any andvice and words of encouragement to help me around this.

Fall In Love ..... (LINK)

Call her up and ask her out for a date.
Do not ask her where to go.
Make the arrangements yourself knowing what would make her happy and feel special.

Listen to her.
Smile when she talks.
Maintain eye contact.
Touch her hair.
Do something unexpectedly thoughtful.
Wash her car.
Fix something broken in the home.
Give her an upper back/shoulder rub.
Pay for a gift manicure.
Tell her she looks pretty.
Hold her hands, then kiss her hands.

There are very specific steps to falling in love again. They are as such:

1. meeting the top 4 intimate emotional needs of conversation, affection, sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship

2. meeting those needs for 20 hours per week of undivided attention

3. avoiding lovebusters

Would your wife be willing to commit 20 hours per week to your marriage? If so, you can fall in love again.

BUT.....does want to separate over this? Did she say "I love you but am not in love with you?"

thanks for the advice! thats what I want to do. she dosent think she can get it back. time? space? or just keep trying?

She did say "Ilove you but not in love with you" what do you think that means? thanks!

Classic signs of an affair are the request for "space" and "I love you but am not in love with you."

That phrase means she has a new point of comparison. Asking for "space" means she wants you out so she can freely pursue her affair. Another indicator is the unwillingness to work on the marriage.

Women don't just leave without having someone else lined up. I would quietly start snooping and find out who she is seeing. Don't ASK her. Just find out and come back here and tell us what you find. We will help you with next steps.

Brent,

I heard the exact same thing! Mine wanted her space as well. And guess what? She was having an affair!!

VERY IMPORTANT---do NOT let your emotions get the best of you right now. You have to control yourself and listen to exactly what Melody is going to tell you. It is in your best interest to do just that.

Uh oh.

Start taking a close look at how she's spending her free time. On the PC? Facebook? Working late? Texting? Phone calls?

Hate to sound pessimistic, but that phrase has been heard by every victim of an affair on this board.

I really, really hope I'm wrong.

**edit**

Brent, as much I hate to say it, these words usually DO mean what the others here have already told you (an affair is very likely) so I would advise you listen to what they have to say. I heard these same words not long ago myself and, sure enough, the folks here were bang on correct in their assumption; my H was indeed (and still is) having an affair.

My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best.

If and when you come back here, listen, listen, listen, these people really do know what they are talking about.

This sounds so familiar, but in my case my 2 yr marriage with my hubby he fell out of love with me. In fact I think he had planning on leaving me with his 3 kids but I stopped that plan unbeknownest to me at the time. I refuse to put his home and loan in my name only. I had the better credit score.

He was a widower (wife passed 2 yrs before we got married) I finally realized new hubby was not in love or committed to me by his verbal comments and his actions. I was very sad when I realized he did not want to even be my friend, but just playing a part. I was too different from the deceased wife. He tried to love me, but his body language was letting me know he was not into me after we got wed. I dealt with it, but when hubby had a marital affair in which I got my proof I departed the marriage. All the people we knew sided with him cause felt sorry he was a widower with kids. I got a lot of subtle rejection from the children, but when new hubby cheated on me after 3 requests to stop I left. He has told everyone at our old church congregation I am mentally insane. That is SO unfair and hurts deeeply!! I feel like suing him for slander but that is a waste of time. However, I work 45 hours a week in a career and am living in my own place ALONE...no one but me and my dog. Ex hubby has since moved on and getting married in FL seven months after I departed. I did discover he had this woman talking to her online 4 months before I gave him the separation papers.

Yes I am very heartbroken but slowly coming out of the fog.