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Gee, MM. You sure wrote alot to say you weren't going to write anymore on this thread.

I believe Doro has been honest. She told her husband what she was doing. I further believe Doro is highly remorseful and is changing and I am not sure why you think your wife can change and other folk's spouses can't.

As far as thinking about it, I have thought about the dynamics of human behavior and adultery nearly every day for close to the last four years. Even if Doro's H ends up not wanting to build a marriage with Doro, she would benefit from personal recovery.

AM

MM,
I really do not get you, I hope no one told you the things you are trying..it seems that your not goig to be happy until her husband decides to leave..you have put it out there, maybe you can drop it and let them continue since they are talking to the Harleys..unless you know something that they don't.ughh..it feels as though you have a personal agenda against Doro....not sure what the point of you trying so hard to convience her husband ..I get what you have said, I am sure he is smart enough also..it's just like having a best friend in your ear telling you what to do..I would suggest letting it go unless you have something posistive to say or you have something constructive to help out with both of them..Anwyays..good day..

I agree.

Doro,

I just finished re-reading your thread. You have come a long way since you first posted. You haven't arrived yet, but you are on a steady track. I want to encourage you to keep working and listening to the advice you are getting from the majority here.

CV

DITTO

It appears that the moderators have edited my posts, and that is their perogative to do so. I apologize for my insistant comments. I will post my own thread explaining my position on multiple adulterors.

I'm doing all those things to the best of my ability. Will carry on.
Thank you for the encouragement.

Doro,

You're welcome. You CAN do this (heal and recover)and you are doing it. Time will prove you. Stay steady.

The way every BS can fight to save their marriage or walk away,
the WS has the same right to walk away or realize their error and fight just as hard to recover.

Doro, I would like to take this opportunity to apologize for my posts. I did not give you the same consideration that I have given other WW'S and I (belatedly) realize that. My only excuse is my concern for your husband's rights, and what I percieved as attempts to persuade him to R. Also my niece's situation with her Serial adulterer husband , may have played a part in my thoughts.While I do not (personally) believe your marriage is salvagable, you DO have a chance and you should take it and give it your best shot. I should say that I applaud your efforts and if you follow the basic concepts then if , at the end of the day, you still D, you wiil know that you did your best. Again, I apologize, profoundly.

Thank you for this. I have to admit, when I saw you posted on my thread again, I was like, "ugggg! What now!?". I didn't expect this, and I appreciate it very much. God only knows what will happen to my M, but in my opinion, if I gave up now, that would be the 3rd betrayal- and I am not prepared to do that. Like you said, if we D, I will know I finally came to my senses and did what was right. My actions are the only thing I can control right now.

The very best of luck to you and your husband (and he still is, you know). Where are the smileys when you need them?

My actions are the only thing I can control right now.

How are your actions affecting your situation, DoroM? (And how's the leg?)

Yes, How are you?

Guess it's been a while....obviously, there are still all the ups and downs. We're still living together in the same house. We've actually been spending a fair amount of time together counting UA hours for this week alone is somewhere b/w 20-25, on the conservative side. Our activities our limited d/t my handicapped state, but we went to a concert one night, went out in the woods one day and hung out by a river and let the dog swim and chase sticks, did some yard work, tried to jam on our guitar and banjo, etc.

Last wednesday we talked with Steve Harley, and he gave us instructions how to share our EN/LB questionnaires. BH wasn't all that excited about going over them, so I waited until he brought it up and was ready, so Tuesday we went over ENQ, we still have to do LB.

On sunday, we went to church together. We saw his good friends (married couple who has been supporting him through all of this- he's stayed at their house a bit at first) it was the first time I had seen them(or any of his friends) since DDay, and I must admit that I was utterly terrified. I have been preparing myself for people to be mean to me so much, that I didn't really prepare myself for kindness. I was blown away by the grace and kindness they showed me. Wife gave me a big long hug, and I cried a lot, but she wanted to know if there was any way they could support me/help. We went out to dinner w/ them afterwards.

As for our interactions, BH has told me that me being affectionate with him makes him uncomfortable a bit, but he ended the conversation telling me that I should just keep doing whatever I'm doing(affection wise) and he'll tell me if he doesn't want it. He is being a little more affectionate towards me. (hugs, head kisses, being closer, etc). The other day, we were laying in bed, and I was reading the bible and I started crying (for like the 4th time that day, b/c we had some talks before that), and he was like, "are you crying again?" and I'm like, "yep, it's been at least 20 minutes, I thought it was about time", and he pulled me towards him, and kissed me on the head and told me that he doesn't like it when I cry.

So when I think about all that stuff, I feel encouraged. But he's also told me in the past week that even though he can block stuff out and hang out with me, sometimes he thinks he's just giving me false hope- and giving himself false hope. Says I've made a real mess of things, and he doesn't know if it's salvageable. So I'm just trying to take each day with him and treat it as a gift, because I don't know how many more I'll get. Every day/week he hasn't filed for divorce gives me a future of at least 90 more days we're still married.

To end on a super-duper positive note, I just interviewed yesterday for a job here in the city where we live. (Currently, my job is out of state and I have to fly there and stay at my parents and am gone 4-5 days every other week,). This job I interviewed for was the FIRST job I've seen posted in more than a year in our city. I'd already decided I was going to quit my out of state job (but we decided not for about two months so we can pay off debt accumulated from my handicapped-not working period)but didn't have a whole lot of prospects for my specific job title. I won't hear if I've got the job for few weeks/month, but I'm praying real hard- b/c that would be huge.

Also, in about 8 days I get to throw my crutches off a cliff. I would burn them, but they're metal.

... sometimes he thinks he's just giving me false hope- and giving himself false hope.

Okay, if hope is the knowledge of the possibility (as opposed to the certainty) of something occurring, what he is giving you is just "hope".

Giving someone false hope would be to mislead her into accepting the possibility, when there is none. (I can't even imagine giving oneself false hope as that would mean one half of the brain not knowing what the other half does. Now MY brain hurts!)

BH is most likely struggling with the dichotomy between how his background and long-standing beliefs say to handle his situation ("Dump her!"), and what his heart is telling him now, ("You love her - give it a chance!")

None of this current conflict matters, of course, as long as the UA time, the EN exchange, and the O&H stays on your daily menu.

Good luck on the job app.

(Btw: A quiet private "thank you" note to the other lady would not be a bad idea. You want them STRONGLY in your corner!)

Already did this a few days ago....