D.I.V.O.R.C.E. by Tammy Wynette (for a little classic country)

So i had an interesting conversation with a couple of ladies at my biweekly karaoke outing last night. They both are usually at the pub where the karaoke is done and ive come to know them somewhat. They told me i was one of the most attractive people theyve seen in the place for a while.

This caught me off guard but i asked what they meant since i dont consider myself to be any type of adonis. They said it was not strictly being handsome but the confident way i carried myself. It was the fact that i didnt walk around drunk (i dont drink), trying to hit on everything with a pulse but the opposite. I simply come, shoot a couple games of pool, sing a few songs, and then i leave. They said i spoke intelligently and respectfully to everyone.

Keep in my both ladies were late 30's to early 40's so they are mature and neither of them were trying to hit on my (i think). It was a pleasant conversation that was nothing more. I walked away from that feeling good.

They WERE trying to hook me up with their gorgeous and much younger friend,though.

Mark,

It was the fact that i didnt walk around drunk (i dont drink), trying to hit on everything with a pulse but the opposite. ... They said i spoke intelligently and respectfully to everyone.

There is something about this website that reforms our lives. My W said something similar, that I wouldn't be single for too long because of the way I treat women. I doubt she would have said that before MB, thank you Dr. Harley.

God Bless
Gamma

Ummmm, I hate to break this to you, but I think they were putting out bait. You may not have thought so, but I definitely do. The way that they described you are GREAT qualities, and the only reason they would tell you that is.......dun dun dun, ADMIRATION. Hmmmmmm, sound familiar? EN meeting my friend.

It does show how you are confident, and a good guy, and guess what? That's ATTRACTIVE to women.

Other than the drinking part (i quit 10 yrs ago), this is who ive always been. At this point, im more educated about relationships, infidelity, ENs, etc., but ive always been this type of guy.



Scotty, you might be right. Now that i think about it, since i started doing karaoke there, all three of those women have approached me in some way or another. Im not sure either of them are what i would be looking for if i were looking.

Im actually starting to reevaluate the not looking part, too.

Might this be a good time to figure out what you would want? Timeline for when you would introduce to your DD, etc? When you would fit the person into your life? What you would be looking for? If you're ready?

Congrats, another step in Personal Recovery is being taken. KUDOS.

Well, due to the previous experience, im afraid the bar has been set pretty high. As far as dd is concerned, thats gonna be a long while. There is still some thought that needs to happen but i think im approaching that point.

Mark, I smiled when I read your post.

While I know that you aren't there yet, you are moving in the right direction. That is amazing. You did everything you possibly could to save your marriage. You fought the good fight.

Now, I would like to know something about these women. Do they know that you are divorced? Did they know that before they made these comments to you?

I'm glad to hear that you have that bar set HIGH, you need that. With the aid of MB, any new relationship you have will be amazing. Happy for you.

How is DD handling everything?

Another update:

I've been on this site since Oct. 2010. I fought for my marriage the best i could. Despite what was going on - the infidelity, the seperation, the divorce - ive been adamant about my desire to "stand" for my marriage because i believed it was what God wanted me to do.

In recent days and weeks, the attention ive received from other women has caused me to reconsider my commitment to a marriage that, in all apsects, seems to be dead. The attention has caused me to wonder if i should continue to wait or move on with someone else. It feels good to be noticed, to be admired, to hear someone say you're attractive.

Yesterday, i was to the point where i seriously thought about finding someone else. BUT this morning i turn on my phone, which reveals my daily bible verse, to see this:

Jesus responded, "Didn't I tell you that you would see God's glory if you believe?" - John 11:40 (NLT)

That scripture comes from the story where Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. They were spoken to Lazarus's sister who believed that the death of Lazarus meant all hope was gone.

During our seperation, that story was one that kept me hopeful. It helped me to stay encouraged in spite of what my circumstances were and what my eyes saw. It kept me mindful of the fact that with God, nothing is impossible.

My circumstances haven't improved. What I see shows me something so different than what i had always believed. And when it seemed that both had gotten the best of my, I get a nice remimder that God is able and that nothing is too hard for him.

So needless to say, MY plan has been scrapped for what I had always believed God wanted me to do, just wait and continue to "STAND". It is the single, most difficult thing I've ever had to do, but it seems to be what I MUST do.

Tonight, i took dd to a school function and one of my wxw toxic friends was there (she knew about and supported my wife and the infidelity). She kept coming up trying to make small talk and i acted as if she wasnt even there. I just enjoyed my time with dd and kept moving..

Was i wrong? How would you all have handled it?

I don't think you were wrong. Okay, I may have been a bit more vocal about it, but hindsight would mean that I probably would have regretted it later. You were the bigger person, and you did the right thing. Treat her like you would a stranger, at best.

Why should he (or you for that matter) regret telling her about his beliefs about marriage and informing her that he has no interest in further discussion with her because she doesn't share the same morals as he?

I would have NO problem saying something like that to the toxic, enabling "friend", and still be able to walk away with my head held high.

The interesting thing was she was there with her exhusband and their kids. Theyve been divorced for several yrs but they still play house quite often. I've never been one to support divorce but he wasn't good for her or her kids. He couldnt keep a job, sold drugs out of their home, etc.

I'm sure, though, that the prospect of us (wxw and me) remaining friends was.something they talked about. They just didnt expect that i wouldnt be that person.

You handled it well. I wouldn't have been as nice as you. Giving her a piece of your mind wouldn't have been bad either. She played a small part in the destruction of your marriage if she supported your ex wife in her infidelity. For that she deserves to your reproach, and she should not be let off the hook. My wife's best friend did the same and I sent her a letter condemning her small part in my wife's affair. So glad I did. She was toxic force in our marriage.

I think that Mark handled it well because treating her with indifference would actually cause her more stress. If she is one of those people who help their "friends" have an affair, they themselves thrive on DRAMA. Mark didn't feed the drama monster. Thus, this friend can't go back to WxW and say anything about his actions. Although, she's probably going to say something about he practically ignored her. One moment though, and then the drama monster will starve from that.

That's why I think you did well Mark. You didn't feed into the drama mill that some people live in. I sometimes lose my head, especially when I am caught off guard, and I regret having ever even given into it.

Mark,

I agree the toxic friend is no friend to you anymore.......She chose her side and that is her right.
Just like it's your right to surrround yourself with the people that do support you and a moral life style......
I am glad you enjoyed and focused on your child, you don't have to continue any kind of connection with this woman.
You handled yourself like a better person and you weren't that guy who could be friends with others that have hurt you.........nor should you...........patience and integrity ...........

I think simply ignoring her and saying nothing was the right thing to do. Had i said just one thing, i believe some emotions would have come out and it wouldnt have been pretty AT ALL.

I'm pretty sure she said something to wxw about me giving her the cold shoulder but who cares. She was never really a friend of mines. She was my wxw's friend.

Please say a prayer for me tonight. I was informed today that my grandfather, the man who raised me, my mentor, my role model, has been placed under hospice care with not long to live. He's 93 and has been one of the finest amd most respected pastors back home for more than 60 years. He has had heart attacks, strokes, been on oxygen for a long time but continued to preach through it all.

He's lived a long life and is more than ready to die, but it is always tougher for those left behind. I'm making arrangements now to go and be with him and the rest of my family.

Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

Heart attacks? Strokes? Oxygen? And still preaching?

Sounds like the kind of pastor I'd want. Reminds me of the sister in "Hiding Place" that despite her continuing bad health that kept going downhill, still only seemed to think of others.

Definitely keeping you two in my prayers.

He always used to say that the day he retires would be the day God calls him home. He told me years ago that no matter how he felt, everytime he stood to preach, nothing else mattered.

He has been one of the greatest inspirations in my life and i am so much like him. I can't say that everything i learned from him was good (i never saw him be affectionate and kind of grew to be that type of person) but nonetheless, i am like him.