Here is an interesting bit of info for you.

You can plot your course and live your life to its fullest and still not make any 'final decisions'.

Allow for the fact that a person just can not know the future and what is really going on with other people.

You control only yourself and do not ever need to use krazy glue to keep a door shut.

Divorce? That could be closing a door with a latch.

Krazy Glue would be making proclamations to the people around you "I shall never this or that".

hi have read your posts found u as a strong and wonderful person
yours is true love for husband and so he will definitely come back dont worry am in the process of confirming my wh affair like you i also believed this will never happen to me!!!!!!!!!!!1

Indeed, whether he ever comes back or not....

it was not because of you and your dedication as a wife.

You have been loyal, patient and supportive and no man could ask for anything more in the end.

He is a duufus. I think, down deeeeeeep, he must know this.


Now, continue building your wonderful life.

Yes Mama Bear. Glad you can see through me enough to make ME see through me. I have to take responsibility for my own decision to re-expose, but that does NOT include me checking FB friends status. I get it. Thanks for the lumps.

Thanks reading. This hits home and got me thinking, geez I love MB for that. I have never been one to make krazy glue statements, but I have been one to always have a life plan and set targets that I work towards. My target right now is to heal myself and keep steadily making a wonderful life without Gollum. Admittedly I'm very slow with my steps, but they are happening.

This post caused me to spin off on a tangent... Despite some serious setbacks in my life, this is the first time I have had to decide that the best course of action is to do the best by ME and MY beliefs rather than worrying about others. Its taking some getting used to.

I haven't been single since I was 15... most of my adolescence and all of my adulthood has been taking into account Gollum's needs in some way, shape or form. I'm not used to just considering me.

Thanks for the compliments athira. I am flabbergasted that someone can call me strong and wonderful, but I am determined to get there! Gollum is unlikely to come back, and that no longer causes me unbelievable anxiety and pain. A slow acceptance is taking place. Life will go on regardless of Gollum. And it will be wonderful. Know that regardless of your WH's actions, life can be wonderful for you too.

Thanks reading. More than you can know. Gollum may be too much of a "duufus" (I tend to call him this to my mum, lol!) but it means a lot for somone to recognise what I have committed to. I think only my IM has realised my commitment, everyone else is too keen for me to move on as in get someone else.

Whether Gollum knows he is a duufus or not, I like who I am and what I stand for. More and more so.

There is some of that good advice we/you give out that we/us need to take ourselves like Scottie was talking about.

You also mention that since you were 16, you have always had Gollum around and he has been part of your life. Also a life changing adjustment.

Hang in there

I'm not just hanging in CP, I'm determined to climb up! But thanks for the encouragement.

Re-exposure still isn't over... its nearly three weeks! I think the FB inbox changes have meant the message is slowly filtering through. Enough time for Horse Ho to try and spin a story but I know there is still doubt.

I haven't really read much on how AP's exposure targets respond. I am finding it very odd and thought I should share. Got one today from a friend of Horse Ho, that (again) clearly doesn't agree with Horse Ho's behaviour, but doesn't think it is "fair" on Horse Ho that I send the email. I responded (politely believe it or not!) but I am wondering what others do? I have ignored the two I got that were clearly not wanting me to contact again (one threatened legal action if I did) but I seem to be getting more of those that just want to comment that they won't get involved but don't necessarily agree with what Horse Ho is doing. I have replied to those, as at least they take the time to respond. What do others suggest?

Something very Plan B today... I bought some fluffy purple and pink spotted bed socks (I won't try saying that quick!) It's cooling down here at night, and I miss having someone to tuck my feet into and thought these would do the trick. They are soooo pretty and warm. Only downside... I am leaving a trail of purple fluff behind me...

Oh, and I had a phone call from a neighbouring state trying to poach me for a job... Yippeee! Something to weigh up anyways...

That is so funny, I looove bed socks! My feet are always freezing at bedtime, even during the summer. Then in the middle of the night I kick them out half asleep.
Trail of purple fluff

I've never had bed socks before but can now say I am a convert! Apart from just having to vacuum that purple fluff up lol!

I have to admit, its been a bit of a down day today. Its to be expected, it wasn't a very jovial day... lunch with a very depressed colleague. And my mother has gone to Sydney for the weekend, a trip I missed because I couldn't see much further than the next hour at the time she booked. Sigh. Pity party over.

I'm taking my poor father (who is already pining) out for dinner, a rare father-daughter meal. Don't do it enough really and it'll be fun. Tomorrow is the game of "lets wear poor auntie out" with my misfit nephew!

Re-exposure is still ongoing... got a response from the friend who didn't think FB exposure was "fair". She wished me well with my efforts and unfriended Horse Ho. So far only two enabler responses, so I haven't faired too badly. Left a message with the SIL who wasn't aware of our separation, will have to try again tomorrow. I feel guilty that I didn't contact her sooner, sort of embarassed that she found out the way she did so she certainly deserves an explanation from me.

I really hope you can get back into a dark Plan B soon. This fallout from exposure is taking 4EVA. Some ways good, but for you, not so much.

I have to agree with Scotty. This break in your Plan B is longer than a proper Plan A would take!

There is no way you can take weeks of revelations and front row seats to affairland without it seriously affecting you.

Can't you just unfriend all your FB exposure targets or make your privacy settings higher so they can't message you?

What is your plan to go dark? What if people are still messaging you in another month?

hi am sorry if i have rekindled any thing bad
i just wanted to appreciate u for ur commitment to gollum despite his behaviour
you are a strong women and will definitely do well with or without gollum u have an identity by yourself so keep progressing as a person


my best wishes

Hey athira, don't worry about upsetting my Plan B, I enjoy all posts as they all cause me to question and think what MY beliefs or views are.

I know when I first started posting I was super nervous about upsetting anyone or saying the wrong thing. But asking questions is often how we learn / grow. I know only a couple of months ago I was asking Scotty how she dealt with her IM duties with a WH, not even contemplating that the WH may be a current one to a BW reading my thread. Oops, was I embarassed and sorry!

And your recognition of my efforts is appreciated. Thank-you.

You're right Scotty. Given I didn't know who the assailant on my marriage was, part of me is THRILLED with the exposure fallout being ongoing. But that ain't Plan B. And whilst I am holding up well to it, I know it is not moving me forward in recovery. Too much involvement in Planet Wayward.

As ever Indie, I always appreciate your logical suggestions. I just don't feel right not taking responsibility for the exposure. Horse Ho's side clearly weren't FB friends anyway, and I sort of feel responsible for responding... if I don't respond aren't I sort of wussing out of my responsibility in the exposure?

But if they ARE still messaging me in another month... Yeah, that is not helping ME any. Thinking on that one.

I need to pour this out somewhere. I contacted the "black sheep" SIL today. She was constantly FB'ing me since she kept missing my calls. I was getting myself overly anxious about the contact, so I am relieved it is done. Despite my initial anxiety, it was really lovely to chat with her... she always really liked me for trying to keep the peace with her family, I know I am her favourite in-law. Although I have not always agreed with her life decisions and this created a bit of distance between us, we have always gotten along and I'm godmother to one of her daughters.

Its really weird, that this black sheep (who the other sisters and Gollum have always judged) was the one who said I will always be aunt to her children, regardless of Gollum. Lovely to hear. What is really weird, is she was the most vocal about how wrong it is that Gollum has treated me this way... she is VERY upset and emotional about it. She kept implying she wants nothing to do with him. The thing is, the reason this sister is the black sheep is because of her choice in partner... NONE of the family approve. H used to be horrified and actually had her partner threaten to call the police once because H challenged him on his treatment of his sister and children. I (and the family) strongly suspect this partner had affairs... on one occasion he left for several months to go to another state, and H joked that he was "on sabbatical" with everyone suspecting he had temporarily shacked up with another woman. I found it odd during my conversation today thinking about who my H was, and who Gollum is now as he is acting worse than his sister's partner whom he used to ridicule.

I apologised to her for not having told her in person or on the phone about Gollum's and my separation. I explained that I had assumed Gollum or a sister had let her know. She said once she received my email she tried to contact one of the sisters and left a message asking if they knew of the separation and affair. Apparently the SIL (the one I think is the biggest enabler) answered that she wasn't aware of it either. I think I may have upset the applecart when I diplomatically tried to answer black sheep's question of whether they knew with "I assume so". I am starting to question just how messed up this family is with the level of deception going on.

I had a lovely conversation with the kids. I am pretty sure this SIL may stay in touch. I suspect she understands how it is to be on the receiving end of this treatment.

My thoughts exactly. How odd is the family for making her a black sheep just because of her partner!

I don't know why you feel you need to be responsible for exposure, going forward.

Anyone who contacts you at this late stage obviously won't care very much anyway, except for gossiping. You armed people with the truth, they can figure out the rest for themselves.

And why should the queries and nonsense of strangers be more important than your recovery?

It isn't rude to change your privacy settings on FB to prevent messages, its your right to do that at any time.

Black sheep SIL met me today with her kids... so lovely to see them all. The girls have grown in to lovely young woman... and the boy is a chatterbox keen to impress me. Being out of the country I have missed so much of them growing up. This SIL wanted Gollum's contact details and said she had been trying to find Horse Ho on FB with no luck. I suggested she contact the other sisters to find this information. Other than these few references, we chatted about life with no difficulties, it was not awkward at all.

I now feel sad. Not a crying type sad. Just sad that Gollum's actions have ruined family relationships like they have.

Since feelings follow actions, I'm off to visit a friend for a couple of nights. Think we need to have a Scrabble tournament to take my mind off things.

Awesome

Thanks CP. The dance got a smile out of me!