Hold up! I've just realised your hubby went all James Bond, in the face of an A, without ANY guidance from MB. That's AWESOME.

My word. Hold him tight tonight, CT. He got you out of the jaws of death, he can get you past some little triggers.

Thanks, Indie I will!

CT,
Make sure you let your husband know he did the right thing for the marriage by being open and honest, it is one of the stepping stones in the foundation of a good marriage, use this opportunity to admire and support his strength in doing so......
Don't let it go without using it as an opportunity to build something positive .
Words are very important and the support he needs is essential, a true way of rebuilding what you two have lost...........
one more step closer to trusting and believing

Why do you care what the POSOM is doing, has a gf, focus on the exact date when you last contacted him, etc? NO energy should be directed to the POSOM.

Seems to me that way too many things act as a trigger, it appears to be excuses to hold on to the memory of the POSOM.
You are FOGGY!!

Your husband is a candidate for Husband of the Year/Decade. Honor him for what he did to save you and him.

This issue concerns both your BH and you.

I have been skeptical of you CT ... your posts still make my stomach turn and I have yet to give you 100% trust. I see progress ... but still many

As long as your BH has dishonesty ... your marriage cannot and will not recover ... hence your continued triggering of the POSOM.

Now it makes sense why you are still triggering ... the romantic love cannot be built post adultery when radical honesty is not enforced.

I highly encourage you and you BH to do a full on Radical Honesty chat ... it cannot wait ... it has to be done immediately.

Once it happens ... you need to up your UA time to 25 hours/week and get moving on building romantic love.

You BH lovebusters will make it impossible to build romantic love ... you are still very much at risk for adultery. Your marriage is still limping ... this is not good.

Your "recovery" was not manipulated, the end of your filthy affair was manipulated. A good thing! Do we call DEA agents "liars" or "frauds" when they trick drug dealers and child molestors into stopping their crimes? The sad thing about all this is your husband was put in this position. I would apologize to him for that.

I will call MRsW and ask her to post, but her husband and her mother did something very similar to kill her affair. The OM called up MrsW and suddenly dumped her. Guess why? MrsW's momma called up the OM and told him he better end the affair TODAY or hell was coming his way because MrW is in the MAFIA! They didn't tell MrsW until years later. You want to condemn MrsW's momma as a "liar?" Don't you dare!!

Radical honesty is NOT WARRANTED when it comes to the practices of a BS killing an affair. For example, any snooping tactics the BH employs should never be shared with her because they serve to protect the marriage. In this situation, he did not tell her the truth about how he killed the affair. That may have been the only way he could kill it, who knows? But in the case of adultery, RADICAL HONESTY AND THE POJA do not apply!

PI,
Your opinion is very important to me considering what you are going through.

We had a very honest talk last night after he revealed the truth to me.

We are going to continue our talk tonight. BH said he didn't tell me earlier because he was afraid I would run to POSOM. He told me last night because he feels I'm at a point where I am not foggy or in withdrawl anymore.

He is right. I have no intention of making any contact direct or indirect.

I do feel very triggered emotionally/memory wise though. I somewhat feel as if we've been held back (as you mentioned), but now that it's all out there....we can really start to rebuild. MB can't possibly work with any secrets.
CT

Melody,
I was waiting for your reply. I knew you were gonna rip me a new one Deserved it is......

I agree. He told me last night that that was the only way he knew to kill it because he hadn't yet found MB.

I was going to give Mrs. W a shout out as well. She's been a good resource for me as far as our situations being somewhat similar.
Thanks, Melody!

It seems like you are just looking for an excuse to talk about POSOM. If you are triggered, the answer isn't to keep talking about him. That will just feed into the addiction.

Also why is he in your signature line so much?

I agree ML ... there has been something off in their marriage. They are in recovery and radical honesty should be implemented. BH doesn't owe her it for killing the affair, but he owes it to her now for everything else.

Something has been off with this couple ... she is constantly triggered ... she is constantly talking about OM. My thought is to get her BH to meet her needs better and to eliminate all lovebusters, and dishonesty is one of them.

All of you are correct in everything you're saying.

The only reason I have POSOM in my siggie is because I want people to see the correct timeline, so they don't have to read my entire thread.

What do you all think of me starting a new thread in Recovery?

CT, this is a misapplication of the principles. RH does not apply to affairs. Snooping is kept secret and it does not preclude anyone from recovering their marriages, trust me on this.

Calling your H a "liar" for tricking the end of your affair is the same as accusing an DEA agent a "liar" for infiltrating a drug ring and busting them. Wouldn't that be crazy to accuse DEA agents of "dishonesty" for busting drug dealers? It is the same with infidelity. Your H did what he deemed necessary to kill your filthy affair with rat filth. That was honorable and just. This is no time to get santimonious and legalistic. This is the time to APOLOGIZE FOR PUTTING HIM THAT HORRIBLE POSITION.

What is OFF is that she is doing something to keep rat filth top of mind. By talking about that loser all the time, she keeps him in the present. The solution is to STOP talking about him.

By continually yapping about that loser, she lovebusts her husband and makes it hard to recover her marriage.

Where was her H "dishonest?" What are you talking about?

Take that crapwit out of your signature.

I had completely stopped talking about him to everyone until last night.

I also have apologized to BH for putting him in that position from the very beginning.

I do not see myself as the victim here. I just needed to vent.

What do you think of me starting a new thread in recovery and this one can float into the distance?

This way I'll be focusing on recovery and no longer on the affair.

From page 1 of this thread, months and months ago. And yet you are still talking about him and he's all over your signature line.

It's because...you are still not letting go of this disgusting infatuation. It is VERY disrespectful to your BH. I hope you stop this.

I just want to make sure there is no dishonesty. That is why I encouraged her to do a radical honesty sit down with her BH. To make sure they are fully honest with each other. When one lies ... you can often get caught up with guilt which may/may not lead to more lies to ease the guilt.

I suggested they do a radical honesty chat to make sure they are fully engaged in recovery.

No one is answering me about a new thread.........

I would stay here so people can read your entire thread.