Ok, thanks.

Is my signature acceptable now?

I just scrolled up and see that you were talking about dreaming about that RAT as recently as 10 days ago. Then you talked about his birthday. You shouldn't be posting about it. When you have thoughts like that, don't talk about it, don't post about it. Rather, train your mind to think about something positive.

Believe me, if I sat around and pined for alcohol instead of focusing on recovery, I would have never made it. In AA meetings, they don't let you pine away about your drinking.

I can tell you still romanticize about this disgusting piece of filth who spit in your face. You are still stuck in the fantasy and have a very warped view of your affair. How do you explain this?

Are you gawking at him on facebook? What is going on here?

Howdy there, CT -- Sorry I've been AWOL for so long...

I'm very glad that Mel gave me a call and also that she shared a piece of our story with you...

I do understand how you feel -- there is a sense of shock that your husband didn't show all his cards to you, yes? You may even feel foolish because you've been "in the dark" so to speak -- It kinda knocks the wind out of you -- I think that's a pretty natural reaction -- Use those feelings to build your marriage -- use them to empathize with your husband -- Not that you feel even a tiny fraction of what he felt on dday, of course -- but really think about that. Now, multiply what you are feeling by -- oh, I don't know -- infinity, perhaps? Then you might have just a tiny, itty bitty, tidbit of an idea of what your husband must have felt on Dday -- but obviously only a smidge because what you found out didn't include his being with another woman...

Actually, what you found out is that your actions left him with a great burden -- apologize to him for putting him in that position, CT -- Thank him for being willing to do so in order to save you and your family from... YOU!

See, I know that I didn't need to know what really happened in our situation -- I was too foggy to be given that information right away -- I would very likely have used it to further harm Mr. W, our dd and myself -- I didn't know for 1.5 years after the fact, and I am GRATEFUL -- and YES, I was shocked when I found out, but thankfully, I was at a point where I could see just how amazing Mr. W and my mom were for doing what they did -- They shielded and protected me by withholding what they did -- I can never repay them for being willing to do that for me -- I sure wasn't worth it at the time.

CT, look upon your husband as the hero that he is for doing what he did -- and make sure he knows that you consider him as such.

That man of yours is a priceless treasure, CT -- even more than you realize at this point. Sing his praises as often as possible, and count your blessings...

Mrs. W

P.S. If you'd like for your signature to be that comprehensive, it can still be done without having to use the acronym "OM"...

EX: [my wording in red]

I like it better!

Mrs. W

CT,

I'm gonna ask you the same question I always do -- How much UA time are you guys getting each week?

Mrs. W

I ratted her out to MrsW!

Thanks, MrsW!! You are awesome!

Mrs. W,
Bingo.......thank you for putting my feelings into words. This is not something I have been able to do.

I will follow your advice.

Melody,
No, I have not gawked at him or checked up on him since August. I've only been posting about the dreams, bday, etc. because I was triggered and was seeking advice.

I stopped going to therapy specifically so that I would stop talking about POSOM.

Mrs. W,
We have been getting about 20 hours of UA time but I know it's still not enough.

I sent you an email. Did you ever get it?
CT

Mel,
Rat me out anytime to Mrs. W or anyone else!

It's good for me

CT

Then I would stop doing that. You post more about the POS than any other FWSs and you tend to be much more triggered than others.

I'm not sure why that is. Maybe because my affair lasted for three years?

I will stop now.

I just skimmed through your thread and this jumped out at me:



You still use FB? FB is a terrible idea for a WS, never mind your history with it. I believe this has and will continue to trigger you.

I am going to recommend that you take FB completely out of your house, until at least both you and your BH are in a better place in this recovery. And it is possible that it will always be too strong a trigger for you that you just cannot use it ever again.

Agree with this. She can unblock the OM in 2 seconds flat and see him. Facebook is not worth getting triggered.

CT, I agree with the others. Get rid of FB. For both you and your BH.

You need to thank your BH for saving you and your marriage from YOURSELF. He did it without using MB at first, and that it simply amazing.

You said that DDay is coming up, and that's why you may be triggered, how is your BH doing? Is he triggered? Are you planning on spending some UA time together that day to take the day back? Make some special memory so that day is erased from the A completely.

I am glad that you changed your siggy. I too had to change mine, because it mentioned the A and my WH too much. It's a step in the right direction when you remove it from sight, and in turn it gets removed from your life.

You're not going to get over this in a short time, but you will as long as you stick to the plans. Recovery is a marathon, not a sprint.

Don't be angry with your BH. Be grateful that he loved you enough to do this for you.

I also hope you have gotten rid of any common friends and since you have had a history of googling ** on the computer, then I would also recommend you only use the computer when your BH is with you (again as ML recommended on page 1 of this thread).

It was VERY evident to me as I skimmed through this thread that something is continuously triggering you and keeping the addiction going. I would look closer at eliminate ANY and ALL triggers.

I logged on and saw there were 41 new notes on your thread. I thought something disastrous had happened.

Imagine how relieved I was to find that the entire "crisis" is due to your need to fabricate "drama" where none existed.

Whew!

Not sure how much of your little crisis you displayed to your BH, but as an outside observer, I would offer this opinion:

If you "suffer" as much as you seem to by discovering
that BH lied to you in a DESPERATE effort to end your
acting like a tramp, and BH were to get wind of that,
he should kick you to the curb and move on. Betrayal
does NOT have to be with the AP in person! Wistfully
ruing that the affair had NOT ended as it did, which
is EXACTLY how BH should interpret it, is betrayal enough.

(Not sure how this aligns with main-stream MB thought, but that's what I got!)

Not sharing any of my drama with BH.

He knows I'm posting on MB but that's about it.

All common friends gone.

I am in no way angry with my BH. I was glad he did it to fight for us.

Time for me to get the kids and take them to their activities, so I'm probably done posting for today (UA time after the kids go to bed!).

Thanks everyone for getting me thru a tough day.
CT

So you are going to ignore the advice about FB...again?

from page 1:

What about facebook?

Waxing reminiscent about the target of addiction is something assessable which states not only that recovery has not begun, but that the addict will not be serious about addiction.

For patients admitted to a psych unit, until this behavior is noted as absent they aren't released.


CT;

FB has to go.


Also; you state you are consistently getting in 20 hours of UA time?

Can you give a short outline of what your weekly UA looks like? (when, where, what)


When is the last time you two did the LBQ/ENQ? It may be time for a refresher.