NG I respond to you the most because your annoying me the most right now, if your annoying me it means your challenging me and if your challenging me it means your making me work and I need to so something so I want to just start off by saying that, yes you are annoying me so bare with me and I know its for my own good.

Next ill take you up on that suggestion...

...does not mean I like what I'm having to do because my H can't sort his boundaries out

Will it help to think of these tasks as working to facilitate a strong, safe, loving marriage?

Here is the EP's list so I'll start with that if thats ok


I will number them to make them Easter to refer to but they aren't in any particular order of importance,.

-----------------------------------------------------------
1) Don�t seek admiration from anyone else, especially females

2) Don�t allow distractions from interfering with relationship recovery

3) Make new acquaintances aware of wife and family

4) Communicate all/any questionable contact with women however minor

5) Don�t hide anything from wife

6) Don�t censor myself, if I have doubt that something will upset her TELL HER

7) Don�t compliment any other females

8) Don�t criticise or allow wife to be criticised by another female

9) Don�t allow/condone any inappropriate contact with females I.e. texts/calls/physical contact/comments

10) Don�t be a shoulder to cry on or attempt to comfort a female inappropriately

11) Avoid contact with women you find attractive

12) Don�t make promises you are not a 100% sure I can keep

13) Don�t fall for women�s character without questioning it first. Look for hidden agendas especially work related

14) Don�t step on wife or family to protect yourself from criticism

15) Don�t lie to my wife

16) Don�t tell wife �I don�t love you� �Not in love with you� unless I mean it and are prepared to end our marriage.

17) Don�t assume you know what wife�s reaction/thoughts/feeling would be before telling her something.

18) Don�t underestimate pain/suffering/damage caused by affair

19) Don�t fail to instigate difficult conversations because of worry or time restraints

20) Don�t be afraid to �have a go� its better to get something wrong than to do nothing at all when meeting her needs

21) Don�t take own failings/guilt/resentment out on wife

22) Don�t forget family exist when away from them

23) Don�t masturbate to other women pictures etc

24) No more night away from wife

25) No drinking while away from wife

26) No Facebook friendships with any women wife does not personally know.

27) Access to all passwords and emails and phone at all times.

28) Do not remove or tamper with Key logger on any of our PCs.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

List of consequences to braking EPs

1) If H brakes number 1 then I go to plan D. This EP is very important to me.

2) would involve a set back in recovery so he will have to give up some of his free time/ hobby time to dedicate to M to recover from this one.

3) again a very important EP for me if he fails to do this it shows he is not serious about M and revcovery and I'll be gone like a shot

4) another total deal braker and braking it leads to swift divorce.

5) deceit of any kind is a major LB for me so this would have the natural consequence of me withdrawing from him and him moving out for an undetermined amount of time ( plan B)

6) same as number 6


Before I carry on is this what you were looking for NG? Am I finally doing it right?

2 married male friends without their spouses as they were home looking after the babies and the wives had gone on a girls night out the previous week so it was the Husbands thurn this week. I did not go out with the girls as I don't go out drinking without H, I'm not condoning their arrangement but it's their marriage not mine.





I am on this retarded iPad, so this is the best quoting I can do on short notice. Look at this last sentence you wrote: it's their marriage not mine.

Do you want friends like YOU around your family? You should care about your friends' marriages, and you should expect them to care about yours. I got kicked out of a CHURCH GROUP for standing up against GNO. I was willing to remain friends with them, but they didn't want me around because I thought what they were doing was wrong, and said so.

Believe me CMI I have spent far more time than I would like to admit to sorting these people out, the first couple are in serious marital trouble, and I have tried to help I sat down showed them MB explained MB but despite all I did they carry on the way they do. I personally have backed away from this friendship because I just don't approve of their lifestyle and what they are doing to their kids but h and the other husband are friends and he wanted his mate there at his birthday.

Before the birthday outing I had informed this man that I would no longer talk to him units he stopped hurting his family and behaved I a more responsible way. I spoke to him on Saturday because I was being nice for my H birthday sake.

The second couple are more acquaintance of the first couple than us but the H socialises with my H regularly, I only know his W in passing,

These two married men live locally and come over for poker nights ( no real betting just chips) over at our house to socialise with H once every couple of months.

I never sit back and just watch when I can see train wrecks are about to happen but there is just so much educating and advising I can do. I have been blunt with the first couple but they carry on being destructive to each other, I stepped aside and withdrew from them because I no longer want to be jnvolved In the drama.

Ps what's a GNO?

It will have to.

7) Major red flag and again I will divorce his a$$ before he can even begin to say the word sorry

8) Very vital EP braking this wil lead to either me having a Biatch fest with my female friends about his behaviour ( which irks him no end and I have not done since we embarked on recovery) or if it was a person he could have a Romantic interest with then of course a divorce,

9) broken once already, broken once shame on him broken twice and I would be officially the dumbest BS on MB if I even attempted any further recovery with him. So in short ill get out of here even faster than if he broke number 7.

10) Good valid EP I don't care if the person is bleeding to death on the floor if it's a female the most he can do is call an ambulance. Anything more than that and I'm gone.

11) well if he didn't avoid people he found atteactive he's only setting us up for another A why bother even risking more pain I'll just simply divorce him and save us all alot of bother.

12) humm difficult one really, will have to get creative with this one. I'll have to come back to it. I'm the mean time feel free to suggest things.

13) I need to word this EP better but basically if he doesent start seeing ALL women as a possible threat then ill never feel safe so agin I'll be gone.

14)Another reaccurrinng broken EP my first thought is if he did this again ill make him run around the block naked then make him sit on hot coal but thats just the silly side of me in reality I am just plain sick and tiered of being thrown under the bus so he can look good. Any more of braking this EP and I will Expose all his bad behaviour to EVERYONE boss included and then still divorce him.

To be continued .....

Now you're getting into the right mind-set!

While I read through the whole list, and work up a couple more to consider, try organizing them into similar sub-groups.

You do realize two things, right? He is going to review this list and SIGN IT. And you are going to have to commit to yourself to enforce your "or elses".

NG I have learned my lesson he's also required to print laminate and carry the list in his wallet at all times.

He has added things to this original list that he told me he wants to discuss with me. Once we if slide the EP list I will subgroup it into plain divorce, maiming him then divorcing him , and other.

NB, by going out with people you have previously refused to associate with because of their moral character, in order to please your wayward husband, is sacrificing, and killing your marriage.

Knock it off. If you wish to distance yourself because of someone's character, your H needs to come with you. There is no POJA when it comes to EPs, and hanging out with people who have troubled marriages will bring trouble to your own.

As you know.

CWMI I couldn't agree more. Here come EP number 29 thanks for pointing that out.

You're welcome.

I hope you guys can turn this around and get back on track. The experienced folks around here can assure you that the vigilance you apply now won't feel like any kind of vigilance down the road, it will become natural and your lives will be better and fuller for it. Dirtbag friends won't be missed.

CWMI I don't mind any of this really I would give up as much as I needed to make this marriage a safe place to be,

I struggle with the since friends thing because I know they are good people and it's so difficult to find people our age that are married and have kids as opposed to babies. We did the whole thing backwards we had kids way early and got married young and now we are stuck between newlyweds with babies and single friends.

I have some very decent married friends but they all live a long way from us, my best friend moved an hour away and her H and my H are close and go cycling together so I will make do with that.

I Still snoop by the way and verify his whereabouts etc so I am still vigilant in that sense,

Oh, GNO=girls/guys night out

Sorry I hadn't answered that simple question!

Just a quick update.

I can't believe how well things are going.

In December he decided to commit fully to our marriage and he has really changed his attitude towards me and our marriage to the point where it is starting to feel natural and a bit more safe being with him.

I am falling back in love with him more as the days go by.

He feels a world away from the wayward I got to see and live with for 3 painful years.

MB really works and I can only hope that people follow the plan with more conviction and less fear in order to reap the rewards of restoring a truly loving committed marriage.

I am here reading and learning more every day and it helps me keep focused on the recovery and always follow the MB path.

Congrats NB ... keep up the UA time. You need at least 20 hours for the first year ... so until Christmas.

When is your FWH posting? Can he also give an update?

Tough

Yes UA time is schedules therefore going great my advice to anyone doing UA time to schedule shcedule schedule becaus that's the key to make it work.

Despite me opening a shop and the stress that brings DH has be so supportive that I feel so much better about myself and my confidence is growing which In turn is helping me achieve so much feel happier and all round a better mum and wife.

I thank him every day and tell him I couldn't do all of this without him.

I will ask him to update his thread because it would be useful for the recovering MBers on here to see how a WH mindset change can lead to such a fulfilling happy marriage and become a DH.

That's all it took after 3 years was a chance in mindset. How simple and astonishing is that?

Was your shop POJA'd? If it is creating stress for him, what options have you sat down and discussed to reduce his stress?