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#26058 11/02/99 01:56 AM
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Talks with w continued today. I appologized for never having shown her how much I truly did love her. I just didn't know how. We talked about my childhood today in counseling and I realized my family just doesn't and never shows affection. My mother and sister still don't call me during this crisis in my life.<P>We had a long distance relationship and just kind of threw ourselves at each other when were were dating on weekends. We never really spent a lot of time together getting to know one another till we got married. Then I just kind of developed into my father for the most part except were the kids come in. I am the complete opposite of my parents there. My mother never saw me participate in any sports, I've rarely missed the kids. I can only remember my father telling me once that he loved me, and I am sure her did, and thats when I was leaving home after I graduated from college. I tell my kids I love them everyday, but I didn't tell my wife.<P>Anyway, back to the subject. W is talking about moving back home for the kids and helping me with the house, butstaying in the guest room. I have been opposed to this, I want her to come back for me.<P>Its funny, when she was in the affair all she was thinking of was herself and everything I did was for the kids. Now that the affair is over, she is thinking of the kids and I'm thinking about myself!<P>Now I'm not sure what to think about havinh her moving home. I guess this is something we can discuss in counseling.

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RWD..ok..I just have to ask...how often before this mess, and in what context, did you tell your wife you loved her?<P>I have a tinge jealous of your intensity in reaching your wife, being a single dad and bringing about recovery.<P>My H is about as "clueless" as you can get, I can't even imagine him being able to post here and seek advise, or attempt to bring about healing....however, I don't think he has missed a day in 17 years (even during kissy face thing...not absolutely sure) of telling me he loves me.<P>How could you not do that, yet show the enormous capacity for love you are showing now?<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

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FHL,<BR>I really don't know ! I guess I fell into that old trap, I'm still here and I don't physically abuse you so can't you see I love you !<P>I was really clueless about the emotional needs things as I thought I never had any. My counselor said I am an expert in hiding them and she questioned how she could have missed my emotions except by the time I saw her I had everything back up in my head. Today I called her and asked to see her and she fit me in, so this was the first time she saw me when I was emotional.

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RWD...I have to say this is one of the few tims I am really stunned. Really, how often would you say the words?<P>I hope your wife "hears" you now. I truly wish you the best. I know she would never go a day in the rest of her life without hearing those words again.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

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FHL,<BR>Its not that I never said them, it just wasn't enough and it wasn't so much saying I Love You, it was my actions or lack there of.<P>I really mistook intimacy as sex and vice versa. So I was either very hot or very cool towards her.<P>As for now, I'm still having trouble saying it as I'm afraid she will reject me.<BR>She is currently telling me she doesn't love me or have any feeling toward me and she isn't sure she wants to spend any more time with me. To me thats it very hard to tell me that I love her although I am trying so show her. It may be too late though is the feeling I get from her.<P>She says she is enjoying being alone and now wonders if she was really supressing her true self these past 15 yrs and that she should have never married. I don't know if this is her guilt speaking or if it is her true feelings.

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RWD, maybe your wife is looking for an opening to come back into the house and actually work on your relationship? What does the counsellor say about this? I know what you mean about not telling your spouse you love them enough, my H expected me to understand that since he was there that meant that he did love me. I have heard more I love you's in the last 8 months than the last 8 years, it's been great because I needed to hear it! Anyhow, I would ask your counsellor what their thought process is in regards to having her move back in. Sometimes God works in weird ways? God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>


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