His family is not dysfunctional by any means.. very good people. His parents have been married for 44 years. His mom is such a care giver and very loving, so it's hard for her to be stern. She tried her best, so just waiting to see what his dad has to say. I'm not sure what else I can do. I can't change people's behaviors, actions or the way they handle things. I know they love me though. My MIL. Held me in the bathroom at the restaurant and let me cry in her arms.

But why are they not addressing the affair with their son? It is being swept under the rug and you need their support in speaking to him about the affair. Will they be doing that?

If they won't bring it up themselves, it is really important that you bring it up in their presence so it is out in the open.

The value in exposure is for the WS to be put in a position to EXPLAIN his actions to his family. That is being lost here because his parents are ignoring the elephant in the living room.

I agree. I cannot control anybody but myself. I'll see what his dad says and go from there. I explained to his mom tonight the importance of holding him accountable.

Do you think I should have WH speak with a MB counselor?

I would see how thing shake out with the polygraph and then make a decision. He might step up to the plate on the polygraph and give you the full truth.

I'm hoping he reacts well to the polygraph. He was definitely showing true remorse this morning and told me how deeply sorry he was, tears in his eyes, telling me he loved me and didn't want to lose me. He said he could definitely help a friend someday if they were ever in his situation and said that he would tell his friend not to do it and also that he should tell his spouse. He said this has been a learning experience and he is still learning.

His mom did tell him last night that what he did was wrong.

Thats great! And there is really no reason why you have to wait until Sunday, SF, to tell him. If you want to bring it up sooner, then go for it!

Just had the polygraph conversation!!!

He said he will think about it and he is not telling me yes or no yet. He said he doesn't trust them, because they are a machine and not a person. He said he has enough anxiety as it is and feels that there is a possibility that his anxiety could give false results that could complicate things further. He said I knew you were still having your doubts and you don't believe me that I'm already telling you the truth. I told him that this test is not an option for me... it is a must and I fully expect that he will pass. I cannot be in a marriage without trust and wondering everyday. I'm giving him the opportunity to do something for me to heal so we can move forward and start rebuilding our marriage, which is something that I want so deeply. I am giving you the opportunity to earn my forgiveness and then I walked out of the room.

Now what????

Any attempts to gaslight you such as the above should be met with you sounding like a broken record.

Broken record statements:

"This is what it will take to keep me in the marraige"

"This is what I insist upon"

"I have every faith you will do the right thing and prove yourself"

"Once we both know the full truth, our marriage will not just survive but THRIVE".

Dont engage in arguments, and keep up a stellar Plan A. Give him a taste of what his refusal would cost him - a fabulous YOU.

You did great!! Just do as indiegirl suggested and say "this is what it will take to keep me in this marriage. If you don't feel you can do this for me, that is your prerogative. Just as it is my prerogative to choose to leave a bad marriage."

See, he doesn't really believe that you mean it yet. He will try to wiggle out of it until you make it clear YOU ARE NOT BUDGING.

Did you hand him the list of questions?

I predict that what will happen is that he will first RESIST the polygraph. But when he sees you are serious, he will try to get out of it by throwing you some NEW facts about the affair. He will be hoping that by throwing you some crumbs you will back off and call off the polygraph.

Don't fall for it!! When he starts vomiting some new facts, politely tell him thank you. And STICK to the polygraph. You will probably get even more right up to the test.

You handled this perfectly!!!! You are a QUICK STUDENT!!

OMG, I was so nervous! I didn't let him see it though... I read over the script and just made it my own like I was having a conversation from my heart. When should I bring it up again? Thank you so much for all of your help!!! I think he is scared, but not letting on...

Yes that's very common. The wayward tends to say: "OK, I was hoping to save you this pain, but she pinned me down and kissed me one time. It was horrible and I was retching the whole time. Its what made me realise I didnt even find her attractive and that I want YOU"

Or some other hopelessly unbelievable whitewash. He then hopes you respond with 'See? That wasnt so hard!' and then you cancel the Poly.

Uh-uh. the only way out of this for him is to man up and do the job on the Poly. Make that very clear that you need him to be brave, and SAVE you from doubt and fear. Tap into his Knight in Shining Armour complex, if you want to. All men have one.

That's okay; this is about you, not him. It doesn't matter if he trusts it or not.

The ball is in his court now. Wait for him to come to you. He is over there sweating right now trying to figure out a way out of this. Just wait for incoming! Be strong and just expect him to try and get out of it. Hold your ground. After you hold your ground, I predict he will start singing like a canary.

Ok, I'll try to be patient. I haven't given him the questions yet either. Should I wait to give him the ?'s until he comes back to me with his answer?

You've done well today, Starfish. Why dont you get your nails done or treat yourself to a new hairstyle?

Meets a PA need and gives you a treat. Self-care is an important part of Plan A. You need to keep your strength up

His answer is only going to be one thing, act as if you have no doubt of the yes. No doubts enter your head, understand?

Give him the q's whenever you feel like. Stay busy to keep calm.