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Ok, this is what I'll do tomorrow! 
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Sheez Mel, is your typing speed 400 wpm?
Dang! LOL
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Ok, now he just told me that he doesn't want to waste our money when he already told me the truth, so I told him that I didn't want to waste my life and need confidence that what he is telling me is true. I told him that if that's his decision, then I guess I had his answer about our future. Wow. Just wow. Rarely do we see people handle this as well as you are doing. That was perfect.
If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app! Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8. Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010 If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Ok, now he just told me that he doesn't want to waste our money when he already told me the truth, so I told him that I didn't want to waste my life and need confidence that what he is telling me is true. I told him that if that's his decision, then I guess I had his answer about our future. Wow. Just wow. Rarely do we see people handle this as well as you are doing. That was perfect. Agree, you are doing incredibly well Star. Quite admirable
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Oh, I know he is schmoozing me...  . He even bought me more flowers tonight... wanted to go to the store with me, held my hand, opened every door. Told me I have beautiful blue eyes, that he loves my new hairstyle, loves me so much, just wants to hold me and be close to me and the funniest one was that my body looks like a sculpture or the kind of body that artists paint... a perfect, beautiful body of a woman... very feminine. I swear if I would've had a beverage in my mouth, I would have spit it out and it took everything I had not to laugh. I realize what he is doing and I'm going to stand strong and give him the questions in the morning!
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Thank you! I couldn't have done it without all of the wonderful support here at MB! I am so thankful for all of the guidance, advice and care!!!
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that my body looks like a sculpture or the kind of body that artists paint... a perfect, beautiful body of a woman... very feminine.  Seriously though, just be aware he may be buttering you up before a major tantrum. Pumping up the lovebank of a BW usually makes her more receptive to gaslighting because she *wants* to believe. Prepare for an outburst and refusal where he pulls the heart strings and says all kinds of scary stuff. Practice your pokerface and stock replies. Be prepared. Be ready to do whatever it takes.
Last edited by indiegirl; 03/18/12 04:33 AM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I just handed him the list and told him, "Here is the list of my questions that we spoke about yesterday. In order for me to stay in this marriage, I need you to answer these completely and honestly. I have scheduled an appointment with a polygraph tester for 6:00pm on Tuesday. I have faith and know in my heart that you will do the right thing for our marriage, ok?". He said, "ok" and then gave me a hug. I still didn't get a yes or no answer, but I'll take "ok" for now.
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He's still searching desperately for excuses in his mind, but given your attitude, he probably can't find one.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Good job! I wonder what his next tactic will be? 
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Just got back from the baseball game... Getting ready to get in the pool. He hasn't mentioned the questions and actually put them underneath a magazine (probably because he thought my sister might see the ?'s sitting there, as she came over this morning).
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Keep up the good work! I wonder what his next strategy will be? I have absolute confidence in your ability to handle his next run. You are smart, a quick study and you think on your feet.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thank you! I'll definitely remind him about the questions this evening, unless it comes up sooner!
I did move them and put them on top of the magazine so he'll be sure to see the list again.
Last edited by starfish75; 03/18/12 01:41 PM.
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Keep up the good work! I wonder what his next strategy will be? I have absolute confidence in your ability to handle his next run. You are smart, a quick study and you think on your feet. I want to thank you again for your help and guidance here! You and everyone here are amazing and so helpful... thank you for caring so much and giving so much of your time to help others!
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Oh, forgot to mention that my FIL texted his son (WH) and asked him to call him later. I have a feeling he's going to have a talk with him.
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FIL had a talk with WH and asked him what was going on. WH told his dad that he was talking to OW behind my back and meeting her for lunches, but didn't tell him about taking her on our boat. His dad told him that friendships of the opposite sex are not appropriate in a marriage and that he loved me very much and hoped we could work things out. This is coming from WH, so I'm not sure what all was said
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Well, he just told me that he cannot answer my questions, because he doesn't deserve me!!! He said it doesn't have anything to do with OW, instead there is OW #2! He met her in Colorado in January and said that they kissed, had their pants down, he went down on her and somebody walked in on them, otherwise they would've had sex!!!!!
I wanted to slap him so bad!
Told him my criteria is the following:
1) Answer all of my questions, in full detail!
2) Polygraph
3) Full panel STD testing
4) No more overnights without his wife for the rest of his life!
Talking to my sister now... You were all so right! I cannot believe this!!!! I'm in tears!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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There is going to be more, my friend. I am sorry.  He needs to get it all out now. I know there is more. There would have been nothing stopping him from going all the way with the OW on the boat. Ask for the full name of OW #2. Get all the information about her. He needs to just do one big doc dump and get it all out now if he wants to save this marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He said it doesn't have anything to do with OW, instead there is OW #2! I suspect this is intel about the OW but he is trying to protect her by conjuring up an OW#2. Ask for the full name and phone # of this new mystery OW and tell him you will be calling her to confirm this story. I suspect he made the whole thing up as a cover for the OW.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Well, he just told me that he cannot answer my questions, because he doesn't deserve me!!! (((((((((((Starfish))))))))))) It isn't about him. You deserve the truth and all at once, so you aren't constantly trickled pain. Mel is right, there is definitely more. That boat story was utterly unbelievable nonsense and I am concerned he is protecting her. You have done so well. You have bust up his illusions that his mould can be covered up with lies. See my sig. The truth will set you free. The more truth you get the more freedom you get to decide on a path that WORKS. He is still thinking more about his shame than about you. But you are working him hard. Your plan is working.Don't forget that! Don't lovebust now, don't quit now. You deserve the truth about your life. You have the enemy of the affair in your sights. Shoot down its veil of secrecy and take the truth owed to you.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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