6 weeks ago my beautiful partner of 17 years and father of my 7 year old son dropped the bombshell that he had been having an affair and wants to be with my worst enemy. This POS has been stalking and sleeping with mine and my friends partner for 4 years even though she was in a long term relationship with his colleagues. My partner slept with her once 4 years ago and has been wracked with guilt. He has been in an EA with her for years and I have been increasingly disgusted with him and we have obviously been growing apart. He is very passive so there really hasn't been any arguments as such, just lots of him coming in at 4am and a unadventurous sex life.

I love him desperately and had no idea he was so far gone! The reason she is my worst enemy is he let her leave a bag of ecstasy tablets in thecar when DS was a baby and he picked us up from the airport while it was on high alert. There have been numerous innapropriate behaviours.
I asked him to stay with friends on the day he told me, but he continued comingand going in the house looking after our son. This became intolerable after 4 weeks because of his shockingly high levels of school boy infatuation and coldness. I then exploded and threw him out with his stuff and told him to leave me alone. He sees the boy with Nc from me.
The circumstances of the affair are so horrible. Her long time partner dumped her, she fell into the arms of my man and she is using him for a RA and an escape from her hell. I have massively exposed the affair from day one. Last night I told her ex that she and my man had slept together 4 years ago. Me and hr ex had a sob on the phone. He confronted her and the cat is out of the bag.
It's a terribly stressful and horrible situation. My man is like a person possessed. Luckily I am not taking his emails to heart(which read very lucidly and cold). I am devasted and ill.
Help!

What kind of help are you looking for? Are you actually married?

AM

If you aren't married, then this isn't adultery.

You are with a freeloader, possibly renter: Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders.

He was never vested in the relationship because he was always looking for something better to come along.

Also you may want to read here: Living Together Before Marriage: Compatibility Test or Curse?

We aren't married because we don't believe in it for religious reasons. I think he has lost his way and I need to get him back home again.

The dynamics of marriage are very different from those in a living together situation. There is no committment here and as such, your boyfriend is a free agent. Because you are not married, his new relationship is just as legitimate as his old one with you. Living together is a month to month rental agreement until something better comes along. It sounds like he in a new relationship now. What happens when there is no committment is that partners simply move on when the relationship is no longer attractive.

Here is Dr Harley's article about why shacking up is such a bad idea: Living Together Before Marriage: Compatibility Test or Curse?


Additionally, I would get the book Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders so you can understand the dynamic here.