Yes, I am planning to travel with him. No, it isn't possible to travel with him this trip--too many countries requiring visa's--takes too long to get them.

Great! That is where I place ALL your focus until you get this resolved and he is home every night. Traveling with him is a short term solution until he can find a job where he is home.

Once he gets home, you will start healing from the affair. Before that happens, there is no chance.

I hear your message loud and clear and I'm not resisting. I do, however, leave room for the notion that MB is not the only program that works....

It's not the program that is the issue, but the issue of traveling. There is no way you can recover a marriage while traveling regardless of what program you try. If some program tells you otherwise, they are giving you bad information. Sorry. I have been here for 11 years and can attest to this. Dr Harley is a clinical psychologist with 40 years experience saving marriages and this is what he will tell you.

But you already know that you can't recover your marriage while he travels, so you already have the proof. I am not telling you anything you haven't experienced first hand. You would have to be in serious denial to not see the damage his traveling has caused in your marriage and the lack of any real recovery.

Its your decision which plan you follow. I assume you here to try MB on for size.

You should know then that MB is not an a la carte menu that you can pick and choose from.

Dr H is very clear the road to recovery is narrow and 'any deviation is usually disastrous'. Like leaving flour out the cake recipe. We see this proved right on here constantly. Just one EP missed and x months later, that's the EP-failure that starts the second affair.

That's why this site encourages high standards for recovery.

Probably the most useful thread for you to read is the false recovery stories. Its not as depressing as it sounds because it shows very clearly how easy it is to just insist on being made safe and for the WS to be enthusiastic about that.

Totally true !!!

Lots of other programs work. For short periods of time.

And then you find yourself back in the saddle of a troubled marriage again.

I am lazy. I like things that work the first time.

And it is not only that he can have an A while travelling.

The problem is also that the time spent apart increases independent behavior and decreases integrated lifestyle, bringing opportunities for an A to happen right at your backyard.

Put it this way...

As a recently betrayed spouse it is downright abusive for your husband to continue traveling for work (without you) and expect you to be OK about it.

YOU MATTER.


Of course you are free to accept such continued abuse in the interests of remaining comfortable financially as long as you are willing to accept that recovery will be practically impossible ("recovery" being measured by restoring a loving marriage of extraordinary care NOT just staying married).

Dr. Harley came at the problem of how to repair marriages after infidelity at a different angle than most. He's a behavioral psychologist and he studied the behaviors of happily married couples and came up with the idea that if unhappily married couples modified their behaviors to model what happily successfully married couples do...their feelings will follow. They will fall in love with each other again and stay in love just like those happy successful couples.

Happy successful couples DO NOT spend nights apart....regardless of infidelity.....add in recovering from infidelity...like I said above...it's abusive for your husband to continue to expect you to grin and bear it. It's unhealthy mentally and even physically for you to endure his continued working away from home.

You matter.

Mr. Wondering