What on earth can I do to prevent divorce?

Does anyone know about Mort Fertel's "Marriage Fitness" course?
Or Dr. Lee H. Baucom's "Save The Marriage" course?

I am the only one who wants to save this. What can I do?
I cannot even reason with her that it is worth saving because she argues that she feels the effort required to maintain the marriage depleats her such that she cannot be a good mother.

I know that I hurt her (see my original posts in SAA), but I realise now after listening to the HNHN audio book over again and reading LBs and some of SAA, I cannot take all the blame.

We have lived in UK for about 11 years, and whilst we had good friends here, we had no family. We are moving back to Oz later half of 2012, but separately :-(

She threatens to use lawyers if I keep pressuring her to reconcile...how can I cause her to fall in love with me again? She is the most iron-willed person I have ever met.

I've had AMPLE opportunity to go and find someone else who will meet my needs, but my vows and character are now being put through the fire.

It is devestating and so very painful. I tried being honest with her and following some of the principles, but it all seemed to backfire. She keeps saying I need to let her go and get on with my life. I cannot understand having almost grown up together and built our church history together she has done a 180deg turn on what is best for our children. I can only imagine she is still deeply hurt and in pain and in self protection.

I love her and I can see no other option than to fully reconcile. I believe it is totally possible but she seems so resolute and unwilling. It is so difficult to stop trying to talk to her about it. I just wish she could get some kind of revelation that reconciliation truly is the best thing and that it will not be as hard as she thinks.

PLus I really feel she never gave me a chance to properly grieve after seapartion, and expected me to live as if nothing had happened.

I need something to happen in me too. I am on the verge of tears every day. It's been almost a year since she asked to separate. I am also so upset that I asked her 4 times if she would consider us getting external help, independently but with the same person so they could hear both sides. She refused. I feel that was very unfair and it it deeply upsetting. I feel she has become cold and totally unreasonable.

I got up early the other day and baked her a cake for her birthday so I turned up at 8:45am to take my obys to nursery with a freshly baked cake, flowers and a card. Then the following Sunday a cooked her and the boys a roast chicken dinner and took it around for mothers day. she smiled. but I don't know how long this will take. I think it will take years more and I need a tremendous amount of strength. Still, I made a vows and although I was poorly in keeping it, I now intend to do my best to stay faithful to her, even though she wants no part of me. Surely that will also be some sort of example?

Threatening lawyers?

Is she having an affair? Because it sure sounds like it.

I cannot imagine it...it is something I would never believe of her.

And I made it clear that the moment another man appeared on the scene everything changes.

I was the one considered W, not her. She just argues she feels utterly depleated by me. She is the mother of 4yo twins. I beleive that and I know I have not helped enough. I really do believe she is just so hurt that she has put up thick and high walls for self protection. I know that on here it is easy to conclude that affairs are happening. I really find it very hard to even entertain that idea of her. She really is the most loving and sacrificial mother i have ever seen.

I really believe she is simply exhausted by trying to be a noble wife to a selfish (but also ashamed and hurting) husband and she began to fear for her own health and wellbeing.

And that of our boys.

She ended this on a visit to Sydney after a long drive and very upsetting conversation in the car.

I just know that so far, all my reasoning and pleading has done nothing but caused her to become more allof.

I just want to know how I can win her back over because although I know it's possible for us to find happiness with another, NO ONE on earth will ever convince me that full reconciliation is not the very best outcome for all of us together.

She has a broken down relationship with her mother, and she grew up in a ho9me with domestic ciolence. I was angry for many years, but never violent and I never forced her.

I am one of 6 kids, she is the middle of 3. very differnet family dynamics, and with the DV came a huge amount of secrecy about their home.

I want to reconcile, and not just for us but also because I geniunely want to say the God does heal and to be a witness to that.

I fear that I will have to withstand her divroce and somehow win her back and re0marry. But I want to remain strong enough to do that for our boys if possible. It is worth fighting for!

I am very scared to even mention the question of her fidelity. I fear it would be absolutely terminal.

I have no doubt that she is having an affair. You have been living apart--THAT is the terminal part, not your questioning it. You should move right back in with her.

Karma, Still Hopeful is the wayward. His wife does not want to recover their marriage. Maybe a call to the radio show to give him a game plan is his beat shot. However, his infidelity may be a deal breaker to his wife.

Ah, I apologize, I did not know.

If she does not wish to recover, that is her prerogative. But as Cali suggested, calling the radio show would be the best shot.

She has made it very clear to me that any of the sexual/wayward issues are not the cause. Her issue is that I missed her - I failed to notice her becoming unwell, starting to lose her faith, losing her relationship with her mother, becoming exhausted with young twins. In other words, I simply failed to meet her emotional needs. This is her version.

Although I had wayward tendencies, I never had an affair - I wanted to but it was only one sided - i.e. I wanted it but the other woman did not and was not even interested.

I hope that makes it cleraer. I cannot imagine her having an affair right now - she is too committed to our twins (and I really mean committed - like you've never seen any other parent). Her main reasoning for not reconciling is that she "feels depleted by me and it prevents her from being a good parent to our boys". They are her words...

Her version is chock full of wayward bullpucky. Sure, you may have neglected her needs, but she chose to have an affair.

This is fog. If she is not in an affair already she's got someone in her sights.

You've got it the wrong way around...she didn't 'choose to have an affair'...I was the one who tried to...(and failed). I don't think she would have anyone in her sights...she is planning to move country in September (back to Oz from UK). She did what I asked and gave me notice that that is what she wanted to do with the twins. This is to go back to be close to her 2 sisters. Her older sister has life threatening allergies. Iwould say that I fit the typical mound of a wayward on MB (but even still, I after 15.5yrs together, and another yr apart, I have still not been with another woman physically). However, I would say that she does not fit the typical spouse on here that has any wayward symptoms. She really tried hard to be a good wife and mother and her world was collapsing around her...me not caring for her, her theology being fundamentally shaken, her relationship with her mother breaking, her sister being close to death all the time with high allergy risks...and we have become much more alone here in London - no family, and many close friends (all church related) leaving London/UK...she has a broken heart that I have been breaking for 2 decades, slowly but surely. I really do believe she is in self emotional protection...she is not just 'over me', she hasn't just 'had enough of me and wants something different now'...she married me at 20 after -7 yrs dating and stuck with me trying her best to cook, clean, work and then be a mum to twins...and I just didn't help or care enough.

Oh! I apologize, then.

See, the problem with BSs is that they are the ones most in danger of having an affair.

She may have grown angry and given up.

However, you can continue to show her that you are changing. Stick to MB, and show her your change is permanent. She may doubt that it is.