I need help! I found out that my husband of over nine years was cheating on me, the day after Valentine's Day. I knew he wasn't being forth coming with all the details, so after a week of trying to figure things out, I moved out with our three kids. I have been moved out of the house for a month now, and he is just starting to realize within the last week how much he misses me and wants to fix this. The problem is, the "girl" is suggesting that she may or may not be pregnant. As I write this, I am on pins and needles because she was supposed to contact my husband with the pregnancy results and has not. My husband has called her and she is not taking the calls. I don't know what to do? I can not move forward with any type of "work" towards our relationship, until I know if she is going to be involved in his life in the future.

RSM, I am so sorry for the reasons you are here. I would not get back with him unless he gives his assurance that the OW WILL NOT EVER be a part of his life. He would have to end all contact with her for LIFE. Regardless of whether he has a child with her or not. Will he commit to this?

Go to the Pregnancy/Child forum and read the first 3 threads there. Then make up a thread there and we can post to you there.

He does not want anything to do with her, I heard him tell her that myself. The problem is that she will not confirm if she is or is not pregnant. He wants to be responsible about this if she is, but he does not want a relationship with her. Enough time has gone by for her to know if she is or not, and I think she is playing games.

Frankly--

The odds are not in your favor if he has any contact with OW, even to "just be responsible."

And the odds are good that she is just playing games. Lots of OW claim pregnancy to get their married man's attention.

Ouch, a little harsh. But I can see that perspective as well. I've been pushing for answers too though. I have stated that I am not willing to move forward with repairing our marriage unless I know what "her status" is.

I am not willing to move forward with repairing our marriage unless I know what "her status" is.

So while she does her little dance ("Am I? Am I not?") you are willing to forego this opportunity to repair your damaged marriage with your husband? Really? Do you not see that that is EXACTLY the reason OW is playing her cards as she is.

Until you 1)know that the OW is knocked up, and 2)she proves via DNA test that it is your husband's....child....,ignore her. Let her fade into the past like the bad dream she really is.

You have other worries/tasks:

1- You need him to arrange STD screens for both of you. Let HIM explain to the doctor why they're needed.
2 - He needs to compose a timeline of when, for how long, and how often this affair was enacted, give it to you, and answer any of your questions.
3 - He needs to self-expose to both your families, and any friends/acquaintances that can help you repair your marriage.
4 - After the possibility of any child "disappears" (and it likely will) he needs to send her a "No Contact" letter.