It is recommended to also get spyware for phone with GPS tracking. Is it his own phone or company owned?

You want to stay legal.

Look in the "operation investigate" forum for ideas. I was so naive when I was going through this that I didn't even know these things existed. But I still found the incriminating evidence the old fashioned way. The high tech stuff is better because you get real time, passwords, usernames, etc.

Harley appt is a great idea

The "counselor" offer is typically a way to avoid facing the consequences of the affair. Go read Chris1972's thread. When Susie held his feet to the fire on the polygraph, he suddenly decided he had mental issues and needed to go to a "counselor." This was to avoid doing the hard work of becoming honest. He was also a serial cheater. He chose to leave his marriage rather than take a polygraph because it turned out he had multiple affairs.

A good keylogger is eblaster at spectorsoft.com. It runs about $100 and is undetectable. It will email you reports. You can download and install it very quickly.

I would not go along with the marriage building, even coaching with the Harleys, until he takes that poly, starfish. Hold his feet to the fire and get that out of the way FIRST.

I am really afraid that he will be successful in wiggling his way out of the poly which it looks like he is trying to do right now...

He also (1) called our MB coach, (2) wrote into the radio show and scheduled himself to go on with Dr Harley and (3) posted here on the forum.

He was desperate to distract me from making him take that poly ~ because he was unwilling to become radically honest and tell me everything he had done in his secret second life.

But not being honest is what kept him wayward and led to his having another affair so this was not negotiable.

Be very very careful of distractions, starfish. Becoming honest is the first step. There is no point in going further if he isn't going to do that.

I would send him this in a letter or email, starfish, in response to his counseling suggestion.

When you talk to him, have a copy of this nearby and be a broken record. Sometimes less is more with a wayward.

thanks for posting to her, Susie. I was seeing some familiar behaviors here.

That is the beauty of this forum. There is always someone who has been in those shoes and gained valuable experience from it. Susie is top notch.

be very careful with his games...

without the advice/courage i got here and the balls to say what i have i got to loose, i would be not where i am now.

my H was a super serial cheater.
hid the truth for 3 months- didnt want to hurt me anymore... blah
H spoke to Jennifer harley (before the full truth came out)...yep lied to her too.
went on radio show right before poly. i got the full list that week.

after H wrote out pages of lies, and it was bad, he took the poly and passed. but it took three months of the bus hitting me before i got it all, at even at that i didnt believe it, who would????

so my advice is like ML and SusieQ- hold his feet to the fire. I would not want to go thru 3 months of that again ever. it was just lies based on lies.

I have webwatcher and mobistealth

i can sense that you are strong enough to follow this thru like a rockstar that you already are.

but you have to also take care of yourself, i didnt do a great job with that, i was on the adrenaline high, which wreaks havoc on your system.

did he leave the house? whats with the sunscreen?

ps-what susieq just posted to you was the last thing i gave my H before i asked him to leave, H had his list the next day. - thank you ML & SQ.

Just sent him the following email (Thank you for the script):

I love you and want our marriage to work out, but that can only happen if I have all of the truth. I am not promising anything, but I am willing to give you an opportunity to earn my forgiveness only if you tell me the full truth and submit to a polygraph. If you want me to have "faith" in your word, you need to back it up. Until that happens, I can have no "faith" in you whatsoever.�

I am willing to forgive your affair(s), but not willing to forgive more lies. So now is the time to come clean if you want to stay married.

Hugs, Starfish.

You're getting amazing advice from the vets. You'll come through this.

Starfish, WOW. That's a bang on email, and I think that was great timing. You are doing very well with all of this. You sound quite strong. I am certain you don't feel that way, but you have been so courageous with your steps so far. Keep it up. AWESOME.

I can't access my credit card now!!! ARRRRRGGGHHH!
Tried to use it at CVS today and it wouldn't go through. What the hell is he doing???

running scared. my H did do the same thing until i told him i wouldnt steal all of our money. H was mortified, calmly call him and say i will not do anything to harm our recovery i am trying to help us.

Thank you.... I'm trying!

you are more than trying you are doing a good job. calmly call and ask "gosh golly i went to cvs and the card didnt work, why wouldnt the credit card work sweety, i thought we paid the bill?"

Ditto on all this. Starfish, you are doing an incredible job and are quickly becoming a poster child for the MB plan of action. Your strength and commitment has been nothing short of spectacular. I only wish more people were as willing as you to implement the fantastic advice you (and they) have received themselves. There would be a lot more happy endings on this board if so.

You certainly have my admiration and respect. Keep up the good fight!

God Bless

Thank you so very much!!! I couldn't do this without all of you and I'm staying strong because of all of you and your support! You all have helped me immensely and I will keep listening and taking advice as I see can see that so many of you predicted things that ended up happening.

What do you all think... Do you think he will succumb to the poly? What are your instincts telling you? I haven't heard back from him since I sent the text about trust, faith, lies and coming clean to help me heal.

He may or may not. Right now I think he is still just testing you.