Remember, YOU control your own outbursts. He does not make you have an outburst, you make yourself have them. You must control them or you are going to subtract from his lovebank every time you have one.

Do you have a "practiced" plan the next time you feel like an outburst is going to happen? I mean go through your mind and have a plan for what you will do the next time you feel like your buttons are being pushed.

Dr. Harely told me himself. You control your own AO not your husband.

Remember Plan A is both carrot and stick.

I checked the keylogger web page.

He has visited Facebook girl's page. He's logged into facebook on that computer, on his regular account. I checked the computer history. He has me so far off his radar on this, I guess, he didn't bother to delete it.

He only looked at her page. There is not record of him writing to anyone so far. I was having a decent day for the first time in a long time. Then I saw that.

Normally I would have reacted to him on this in some way. Like you said, Jane Bond, don't blow any cover now.

I think typically when getting some challenge, I would react at him (some outburst) over something like this. I don't actually feel "happy" enough to try and do much in the way of Plan A action right now.

Yes, I control ME. Underneath the anger is pain. I guess today we skip over getting mad and creating drama and face up to the hurt instead.

I wish I could tell him that I feel hurt when he goes over to look at her page.

No, don't do that. Come here to rant about how unfair it is when you are tempted to tell him.

That would only expose your snooping.

You have done. No point repeating yourself. He's not deaf and he's free to choose idiocy as a life path.


Remember self care is an important part of Plan A. Keep your spark sparkly.

Idiocy.
Well. Who is the dummy.
exOW and not Facebook girl. It seems someone has been paying child support to exOW. Someone called my WH.

wtf do I do now.

Right now you need to start printing things out, I think, and make copies to put in a safe place.

The vets will know what to do tomorrow.

Get some sleep, it looks like you need it. You deserve it, that's for darn sure!

What do you mean? What do you know?

Ellie,

Are you saying your husband may have fathered a child with an OW? And has been paying child support secretly?

yes. he had a disscussion on IM about adjusting the payment.
she wants more money.

I don't know what to do. when I saw this, I felt like something sucked all of the air out of me. Couldn't breathe. I feel stunned and don't know what to think it's so unbelelievable. I don't even know what to say to him. I feel afraid and it feels like if I try to talk to him, I won't be able to saty in control.

what do I do.

It is your life Eliie. Dr. Harley has methods for helping marriages with another child involved.

I would file for divorce yesterday. He has no interest in changing and has kept a massive secret life from you. Again, your decision and we are here to support you no matter your choice. Personally, it is unforgivable in my eyes.

You are only 30. Do you have children?

((((ellie1980)))) I am so sorry. You are wise to sit on this and think it through before confronting him. I know it's not easy because you probably want to smack him.

Is this something that you will be able to live with for the rest of your life? There is a lot of good insight on this in the pregnancy/child forum

So, so sorry Ellie, hugs.

An Other Child is a deal breaker for lots of people, but it�s your call.

Can you stay calm while you keep snooping a few more days? The more evidence you can get the better, whether you use the evidence for divorce or for recovery. I am sure there is an ongoing A too.

If you�ve just had enough and don�t want to snoop any more, just print out the info of this very serious secret to use in your next step. What do you want to do? If you�re not sure, that�s ok. Many people take awhile to decide and working the plans will keep your options open. You might simply want to decide to not decide right now.

i'm going to sit on it for now and go over and read on the forum (other child) that is recommended.

I need to think.

In the meantime then, just keep your head and continue Plan A snooping and calmness.

Dont burn any bridges unless you're sure.

I also felt Plan A helps me have 'no regrets' in my bid for a D.

Thinking of you.

It's true.
Additionally I found another social site where he has added Facebook girl.

Additionally he is see sawing back and forth between being loving and kind to being an outright jerk. He is getting mad because he is trying and I am not able to respond to him happily.

I am wondering if it is too late for plan A, because I am too damaged right now to do it.

Step One - decide. Like others have told you, another child is a massive betrayal to overcome. Do you want to remain married to someone that is lying to you to that depth?

Thank god you have discovered the truth.

And thank god you didn't blow up at him and reveal your sources before you found out the rest of this.

Ellie,there are a few OC success stories (rare as they are). Generally when the wife had an affair and is pregnant from an OM (who often drops out of the picture), or a husband's OC pregnancy realized when recovery is attempted.

However, this isn't just an "OC" (which itself is so complicated), it's that it's a hidden SECRET LIFE. A double life. A secret "family'?? Marital funds being sent secretly to pay for a hush-hush baby.

Sorry I missed it.. do you have children with this man?

we don't have children. I can't have any. i am shocked.

It is your decision Ellie but in the instance of a non-repentant spouse, no children, secret child.... I don't think there is anything here to save.