I really need advise on what I should do right now.

My WW is sleeping in our other bedroom with our 7-yr old and masturbating, having internet sex with OM while DS is even awake/going-to-sleep.

Background
My wife last November, emotionally separated from our marriage of 18 years. I had said the "straw that broke the camels back" insensitive remark to her and she decided enough-was-enough. She was emotionally done. Our horns had been locked for many years in quite resentment and disrepect (built on lies and deception).

We had tried to maintain basic caring and even a loving relationship but all of our personal issues that didn't get addressed, just kept swelling up. She would emotionally overflow (yelling and crying) and I would emotionally retreat (as I taught myself to do in my early childhood).

My wife emotionally separating from me was a huge eye-opener for me. I felt her complete absence of any concern for me, whatsoever. However, I also felt released from our stale-mate and was able to step back and look at the mess we were in. I started seeing a lot of my patterns and behaviors were me trying to manipulate her or avoid her (not healthy). This was the start for me wanting to change (I have since found a good counselor and am looking at a men's group as well to become more emotionally healthy).

However, in late December she started an online affair on Facebook (FB) that grew until her behavior was painfully obvious. I was able to access her FB account and confirm it all. I confronted her on February 12th. She said she loves the OM, isn't in love with me, doesn't want to hurt the boys with a broken home BUT doesn't know what to do. She wants to feel joy and be happy but is insufferably lonely with me.

Once confronted, WW wouldn't agree to end the affair. She swore all the texting was more just a fantasy. They talked about getting married and him moving out here (he lives 3,000 miles away), and him becoming her new husband and stepping in and raising our 3 boys and his 14-yr old daughter too. They had internet sex (masturbating together) often. When confronted though, she swore to me she never actually did masturbate but just pretended. They were planning for him to come out here when DDay hit. She had also started taking the pill and texted to him "just in case" they needed it, but again swore to me later it was for menstrual issues and she was just teasing him.

We have been in counseling since Dday. We go to couples counseling and she goes to her own counselor as well. She has maintained that she doesn't know what she wants to do but she won't close the door on the OM because "she loves him and that might be her only chance for happiness in her life." She won't friend me on FB. She keeps her laptop and her phone pw protected and with her at all times (everywhere).

To me, the couples counseling isn't going anywhere. When I brought up FB and the lack of transparency I have for her affair, WW insisted she was not comfortable with me in her life like that and I just needed to trust that she would keep her boundaries. The counselor didn't press it with WW further, and just asked me if I can live with it for now. I agreed as I didn't see any other choice (still don't).

WW insisted 1) she was not having a relationship with OM, 2) her counselor was guiding her to leave the OM behind until she works out herself, and 3) that she was taking this time after DDay to "work on herself."

I have been in Plan-A since. She won't fill-out the EN survey, but I know that Affection and Admiration are high on her list. She is with me for financial support and for my care of the kids too. I have not given her SF at all and know this is the biggest issue but she has asked me not to touch her at all. Nevertheless, I have been showing her affection and admiration and I'm liking who I am when I do. She, of course, thinks its not real. I'm also working on being more emotionally healthy and expressive.

So, here I was thinking we are both "working on ourselves" when I find out two nights ago (3/19) she is in full affair mode with OM, masturbating nightly with him over the internet in the other room while our 7-yr old is asleep next to her or even awake/falling asleep. She previously agreed to tell me if ever she communicates with OM. To test, I asked her last night if she has responded to OM (she admitted he texted her last week). She said 'No' and that she was going to talk to her counselor about him. Lies, lies, lies.

Please advise. . .(please) What should I do next (like today).

Well first, get your child out of her room at night, that is disgusting and beyond inappropriate.

Have you exposed this?

Get all the facts by snooping, then expose!
You have no hope for the marriage until affair is dead.
Proven time and again, that exposure is the best way to end affairs.
Daylight is the best disinfectant.

I have not confronted her that I know that she is still active in the affair. I totally agree her behavior is disgusting and I want DS out of there, but how do I do that and then what?

I don't know what the "MB" method is for this.

But, your son is old enough to know that he is falling asleep next to his mother masturbating with some man online. How disturbing must this be to him? That is crossing the line and honestly I would consider this abuse.

You need to take every piece of evidence you have and expose this immediately.

This is such an easy one to kill. First off, make sure you have all your evidence in a safe place. Then go to the OM's facebook page and copy and paste all his contacts into a WORD doc for safekeeping. Then do a nuclear exposure as outlined in the thread in my link. Tell everyone: your family, her family, your children, all the OM's facebook contacts using the letters in my thread. Do this all on the same day so it has a nuclear impact.

When your wife finds out and goes crazy, DEMAND that she end her affair immediately or this will lead to divorce. Tell her under no circumstances is she to have any contact with RAT FILTH in you and your children's home. If she wants to slap the ole salami on the internet, she can LEAVE and take her affair elsewhere. Maybe to Starbucks on her laptop. But she is to NEVER EVER communicate with this piece of filth in your home again. Your children live there!!

If you catch her doing this, immediately interrupt her and disconnect the internet and announce loudly in front of your children that "YOU MAY NOT CARRY ON YOUR AFFAIR IN OUR HOME!"

Focus on killing the affair, which really should be simple to do, and THEN we will give you a plan to pull your marriage out of the ditch.

And lose your loser counselor. Good GRIEF!!

Tell all of your children about her affair. Everyone should know. And she cannot object. If she objects tell her you were just spreading the good news. If there is nothing wrong with her affair, then she has no basis for complaint.

Thank you for all the advise. I'm trying to keep my head on straight here. It sounds like exposure is the way to go at this point. I don't have any FB access anymore, but I do have some family contacts. This would get DS out of the room which is killing me.

Can't you see the OMs Facebook contacts?

Is the OM married? Do you his home # and address?

Please listen to the advice being given. Exposure is THE number one way to end an affair. It is very important and it is the only truly effective method I�ve ever seen to actually ending an affair.

I also don�t believe that this affair isn�t physical already. You don�t go on the pill �just in case.�

What evidence have you gathered? Have you broken into her accounts?

Expect her to go completely insane. Expect it. She'll threaten and say the worst things imaginable. Take comfort in knowing that the reaction is normal.

Don't forewarn her either.

Cheaters initially only admit to one or two levels below what they actually did.
If they say it was only texts, you can count on it being sexting or more.
If she says only kissing, you can count on it being sex.
The "pill" excuse was exactly what my ex said to balance her menstrual cycle, suddenly after 20 years.

It is physical, guaranteed.

Thanks for the responses. I am making a list and getting my script ready.

To answer a few questions:

The OM and my wife have blocked me in FB. I am unable to see anything at all with them.

The OM is separated, not divorced for health insurance reasons(or that's what he told WW). They live apart. I have his phone and address but not hers (just a first name). Oh yeah, living in Canada as well. There was a FB message before from the OM sister that the OM DD would never want to leave home. This is an obvious tension. Any recommendations anyone can give on how to snoop the names and numbers out in another country would be good for the exposure though.

I don't think he is out here based on the communications "I wish you were here," etc, but I have been completely wrong so far, so I am not ruling any of it out.

They were planning him to come out when back in February so the pill made sense then. She threw them away but she can certainly get more and if it was a good idea for him to come out before, it's probably still a good one now.

Appreciate the support.

Hi T2L, glad you are getting onboard with MB but I'm sorry for what you are going through.

Since you are blocked on FB from WW and OM, set up a fake account. Go to operation investigate thread, Surfer88 has a good thread on there about it. Send FB request to OM rather than WW, so you can try to access his friend list. If he accepts you, immdiately copy and paste this friend list into a word document. Snoop through his wall posts / photos, copy and save any evidence (it can be amazing what OM / OW will post, remember, they have NO morals).

Then expose far and wide on his side. As well as yours and WW's.

Are any of WW's FB friends / family supportive of your marriage? They may also be willing to pass on information off your WW's FB account.

Can you sign out of Facebook and get to the OMs fb page? Do you have the OM sisters name on Facebook? What about her email or phone? Can you find any of their family on Facebook?

What happens when you call the OMs number? Does a woman answer? Can you call using *67 to disguise your # and see if a woman answers? Have you googled the OM?

Thanks for the FB advise. That is going well.

Regarding OM, I actually talked to him for 45 minutes on DDay. He was very non-shameful about the fact that he was having an affair. He said he loves WW and is not going to give up. He refused to step aside (unless WW told him to) and that this was his chance for love and happiness as well.

Continuing to develop exposure list.

Well, as typical waywards, they lie to each other as well.

Us Canadians do not stay legally married for health insurance reasons.

I suspect his wife is either clueless or believes that the affair is over.

**edit**