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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3 |
My husband recently got deployed overseas on a year long deployment and I found out that he had just ended a 2 year affair with a coworker.We have only been married 3 years and if that wasn't enough he had been taking vacations with her. I was completely destroyed but after a month I thought maybe we might be able to work things out, then I found out he had been having an inappropriate email and phone relationship with an ex girlfriend for 5 years. I know I should leave him and I do not love him the same but at the same time something is holding me back. Please give me advice he is apologizing and wants to me to wait to do counseling before we divorce. i don't think i can ever trust him again or that i want to love him at all anymore.
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
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Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
Star 5 - sorry you have to be here. Welcome to MB!
Can you tell us a bit more about you and your marriage? Ages, kids?
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
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Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3
Junior Member
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Junior Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 3 |
I thought we were happily married, great relationship, treated me very well. He worked a lot and traveled for work/military, that was a major problem in our marriage. Now I know it wasn't so much as work as his affair that kept him away. Dated 5 years before marriage, no kids. We were about to start trying.
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
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Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
Welcome!
So sorry hon, know you're in a lot of pain, but you landed in the right place.
First off 'let's go to counseling' is code for 'waste your time and the counsellors by lying to you both' NO counsellors ok?, Try MB coaching or program if you want, after seeing actions where he proves truthfulness.
How about exposure? Who knows? Will they support you? This is VITAL. Trying to recover in secret is IMPOSSIBLE.
Do you understand Plan A?
He can't travel if you both want to recover. Time apart breeds affairs and serial cheats are admiration addicts who have to adhere to strict recovery conditions.Are you willing to insist no more nights apart?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554
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Member
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 4,554 |
My husband recently got deployed overseas on a year long deployment and I found out that he had just ended a 2 year affair with a coworker.We have only been married 3 years In other words, your WH was engaging in infidelity after only 1 year of being M'd to you. Probably less, depending on how you define the start of the A (men typically define the start as when it first got physical). You've already indicated that you have no children. Were you living together for any appreciable time before getting M'd?
ManInMotion
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(see "MiM's Story" for more details)
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