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No just expose without warning your WW first.
If the OMW presses charges against your W she is entitled to do that. At worst it will keep your W out of the country where OM lives out of fear of this prosecution.
You will not gain much respect from your WW until you start to actively fight for your marriage and to do so you NEED to EXPOSE ASAP. No ifs buts or making allowances for any circumstances,
BW 36(Me)
WS 38
Married: 2000
DD1November 22 2008 - DD2 October 2014
PA Duration September 08 - November 08
Second discovery- 6 online affairs 4 sexual one emotional. October 2014.kids: DS 17, DS 14, DS 12, DS 10 . Baby after divorce DS 18months
Divorced
Was misled into thinking we were in recovery for 6 years.
If you were shocked reading any of this, that this is the consequence of not following MB to the LETTER.
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I say that you�ve been married to a serial cheater with no concept of what it means to be married. I think your self esteem must be in the pits since you haven�t walked away from this situation and have tolerated it for so long. You appear to be afraid to do what is necessary to end the affair.
My advice is to expose her far and wide and to everyone. Then walk away and examine yourself and figure out why you�ve tolerated this kind of treatment for 20 years. You have no kids together. You lose nothing by dumping her. It�s not like she was a good wife before the affair.
Why stay with her? What makes her so unique that you can�t get that with another woman? I ask these things ESPECIALLY given the fact that you have no kids.
My guess, looking at your info, is that you married young and don�t know any better than her. Well, women in their 30�s and 40�s are fantastic and you don�t have to settle for a serial cheater. When you take the attitude, �I will not settle for you� will be the moment you take control of this situation and get ahead.
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Had a huge fight with her.She was complaining how difficult I am making everything to be.She told me to give up plan A but she is not ready to leave yet.She wants to spend more time with the OM.She did say she WILL eventually leave to be with the OM.Satan has taken over her and I am too weak to fight this.Should I just let go?I watched Fireproof and received a strong message that I should not give up this easily?Love the unlovable??.......
I sent friend request to OMW,no response.She is inactive on fb and I dont have her other contacts except fb.Should I contact OMWs'friends?Would they think I am crazy?
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You didn't tell her that you were Plan Aing her did you?
If you are in Plan A, there shouldn't be ANY fighting.
Have you read everything you can on Plan A and Plan B?
I would contact OMW's friends, and ask them to have her contact you.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I told her about plan a plan b right from the beginning.....was I not supposed to??
I understand there shouldnt be any fighting in plan a but i lost it today because of her abusive behavior....thats why i dont know if i could continue plan Aing....shes just too much for me to handle.
I am just worried her OMWs'friends would contact the OM instead becos he's a popular guy with everyone.OM and his wife are the perfect model couple amongst their friends.
If I contact OMW friends,should I reveal the reason to them?
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Of course you weren't supposed to tell her about Plan A and Plan B.
I would contact OMW's friends and say that you are an old friend who has lost contact and you wanted to get in touch with her. You could even make up a FAKE FB account, in case OM is told.
STOP TELLING YOUR WIFE THINGS YOU ARE GOING TO DO.
Think of yourself as a soldier, and your wife's affair is your enemy. Your WW is on the affair's side, helping your enemy.
Does your WW know that you post here?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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I understand there shouldnt be any fighting in plan a but i lost it today because of her abusive behavior....thats why i dont know if i could continue plan Aing....shes just too much for me to handle. This might be because you are talking to her and listening to her. Never do that with a wayward. She's drunk of her azz on the attention of two men. You can tell her what to expect and what your boundaries are, but dont engage in conversation with a drunk. You cant talk them sober. Are you trying to persuade and educate her? Cant do that either. No point in telling them your plans because they dont want to hear helpful things and will only use info for destruction.
Last edited by indiegirl; 03/22/12 03:20 PM.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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She knows I post here but she doesnt care and bother to see what I post.All she has on her mind is the OM.We just came back from a short trip and seconds from returning home,she logs onto fb to chat with the OM....makes me sick to see her so obsessed like that.She told me she just cant help/control herself even tho she knows what she is doing is wrong.Is it BS that she really cant break free from the addiction of affair or she is just plain selfish?
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I sent friend request to OMW,no response.She is inactive on fb and I dont have her other contacts except fb.Should I contact OMWs'friends?Would they think I am crazy? Is there a reason you have not exposed this to the OMW?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have you taken this advice? Or did I waste my time posting it? I didnt mean to skip your question.......I am ready to expose to OM and his wife.I am not too sure about her mom yet.
One thing I may add is that the affair took place in a country where adultery is a crime and is punishable by a jail sentence of up to 1 year.Few goto prison,most of them just get a fine.So I am also concerned about the OMW filing charges against my wife.Perhaps I dont provide her with evidence that I have.But what if she doesnt believe me? xtreme, you will need to expose the affair to your wife's mother and her close family members. And yes, you should give the OM's wife all of the evidence you have of the affair. She has a right to have it and you should not harm this woman by protecting your wife. Stop trying to protect your wife, it does not help her one bit. Click on the link in my signature and develop your exposure plan. Come back here and tell us your plan and we can give you feedback. And you don't need to expose the affair to the OM, he already knows he is having an affair. Just focus on exposing to his wife and his parents. Does the OM have a facebook page?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yes,I was trying to persuade her.I asked her why she says she and the OM are deeply in love despite they barely know each other.I also asked why she thinks they would be together forever even tho the OM is married and that if he could cheat on his wife,he could also cheat on her.Then my wife got very defensive and went berserk on me.After reading MB,my wife became so predictable to me.Sometimes she is shocked when I reveal what is on her mind and I often finish what she has to say.All that fog talk and wayward mentality are shared by all the other WS on the forum.Its like they all got possessed by the same demon.But she is telling me to cut her some slack because she is unable to control herself.She said she doesnt know why she is sooo attracted to the OM.And I told her I am also soooo attracted to our hot neighbor next door but you dont see me having sex with her!!!!!
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Have you exposed this to OMW?
Please answer Melodylane' s questions. She's been giving you directions and you aren't following them.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I sent her a friend request.I will expose as soon as she accepts my request.I didnt want to send her the expo message becos I fear the msg would be intercepted by her husband.She is not active on fb and I have no other contacts of her.
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I sent the friend request over a week ago,no response yet.Her fb page has not been updated for over a month.
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If you have her name have you checked out intellius.com?
Have you checked out the operation investigate forum?
Your priority needs to be, to find OMW and expose.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Yes,I was trying to persuade her.I asked her why she says she and the OM are deeply in love despite they barely know each other.I also asked why she thinks they would be together forever even tho the OM is married and that if he could cheat on his wife,he could also cheat on her.Then my wife got very defensive and went berserk on me.After reading MB,my wife became so predictable to me.Sometimes she is shocked when I reveal what is on her mind and I often finish what she has to say.All that fog talk and wayward mentality are shared by all the other WS on the forum.Its like they all got possessed by the same demon.But she is telling me to cut her some slack because she is unable to control herself.She said she doesnt know why she is sooo attracted to the OM.And I told her I am also soooo attracted to our hot neighbor next door but you dont see me having sex with her!!!!! So you are ignoring our posts and wasting our time? ok, good luck!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I sent her a friend request.I will expose as soon as she accepts my request.I didnt want to send her the expo message becos I fear the msg would be intercepted by her husband.She is not active on fb and I have no other contacts of her. You need to stop wasting time and get ahold of the woman. There are many more ways to contact a person than facebook. You need to move your [censored] and expose this affair. Sitting here waiting for WEEKS for a facebook message is ludicrous.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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This seriously pisses me off when people come here and ask for help and then ignore every thing we say. This takes valuable time away from MY OWN PERSONAL LIFE.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you mean I shouldnt be fighting and persuading her?
I know I shouldnt but I lost it at certain points.I will try to do a better job in Plan A.
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I am not ignoring anything.I tried very hard to get a hold of her.I am OPEN to advices!!Tell me what other options I have!!!
She lives in another country.If I could go meet her in person,I would!!!!!WHAT are you suggesting??I am faced with a set of difficult unique circumstances here.I googled her name for hours!!!
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