It's been seven months now since my husband and I of 27 years split. Against the advice of this board, I started camping out in a small apt just to get away from him after he told me he wanted a divorce, had another woman, made reservations to go visit her in front of me, told me he hated me and wasn't my friend. I was in such shock.

He ended up changing the locks on the house and moved her into my home. They then decided what I could and could not have and tossed it all out. They held all of my important papers and mail.

My husband tried to refinance our home with only what was owed thus trying to force me to sign it over without any equity. The week he was suppose to close my attorney send the credit union a letter putting that to a halt.

My husband pulled the rug out from under my life the same week I retired after a 34 year career thinking we had the rest of our lives. It was if he was jeleous that I got to retire before him and made better decisions. The woman he replaced me with doesn't work. He now supports her when I always paid more than half.

He refused to cooperate in any way with request to allow me back into my home, to retreive my belongs and mail. He claimed he wasn't hold any of that stuff, but, when asked to produce my SSN Card in Discovery - he came up with it. He lied to his atty about his mistress. He would do no negotiating for any agreement.

I finally got a Pendente Lite hearing after 5 months. In order to present any evidence, it has to be shared with the other side or at least in Virginia. The day before court all of the facebook postings of his mistress bragging about living in my home, putting up my christmas tree, hosting Thangsgiving Dinner in my home and them kissing on our couch and such got shared. So, in court they HAD to admit to living together in my home. The judge did award me temporary spousal support in more than what the guidelines call for.

He finally agreed to put the house up for sale as he is now struggling financially. He has now lost his new truck, we lost a brand new camping trailer used only 4 times in 4 months, he had to go take a loan out on his older truck to pay atty fees. I've spent over $20,000 in atty fees so far because this has been so bizarre and nasty. Our home is a divorce sale so we will probably lose almost all equity. In the end, he owes me a good portion of his 401 which is his only asset. Whatever we get from the sale of the home - if anything - is all he will have to go down on something else. Gone is what we spent 27 years to build.

I have been drug through the mud. His large family won't talk to me or have anything to do with me. I lost most of the friends due to him playing in a band. I lost my life and I'm struggling to rebuild.

Virginia laws need to be changed so that this can't happen like it did legally. Even though my name is on the deed to the home, because his is to, this allowed him to move her in whether I agreed or not. Because she was his guest, she was allowed to invade all of my personal effects because we ARE married. I was threatened to return. Alarm passwords were changed to keep me out. We have no seperation agreement.

I'm still so lost. My husband and I have no contact at all. I don't know if he is still on a honeymoon with his new love or happy, but, I sure know I'm miserable. I can't move on because I'm on the mortgage. I rent from my mother. He is ordered to pay the mortgage, but, I'm still on it to creditors. And, I'll be there if he defaults.

Divorce is horrible. When you do what my husband and this woman did to me, it destroyed a family, destroyed and damage so many relationships. Sent both sides into financial dissaray. It has been humiliating. Most people run from you when you need friends. It has been embarrassing to the families of both of them. Our children and grandchildren are forever changed. So many innocent people have been hurt by my husband and his mistress's actions.

If anyone has any words of wisdom, I'd appreciate them.

Beep Beep.
What a mess.

It would make perfect sense if he was sitting in your home smoking crack ... that is how you need to look at this adulterous mess.

He got himself highly addicted to a skank (who likely saw a sugar daddy and knew what she was doing) ... his addiction to her overcame him.

His karma is coming, and as you can see, it has begun.

I actually think it is good you haven't seen him or spoke to him. A deeper and darker Plan B would benefit you.

I suggest you work on healing yourself from this pain. Stay far away from his drama because his world will come crashing down soon.

Keep yourself focused with positive friends. Can you take comfort in your mom?

Plan B will get you healed the fastest ... once the divorce is fully over you will even heal quicker.

Divorce is awful. I have nothing good to say about it. My WH is a really bad wayturd today. I pray God will get to him soon. Like you I have lost it all except my children.

There is light at the end of the nightmare. It may be a different colored light than you saw before ... but it will be a brightly shining light.

BeepBeep, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with your hound-dog husband. As far as your property goes: Virginia law says you both own the property. You have to agree to a refinance or a sale.

My question is: Why have you moved out? You are a legal owner of that property. You should move back in. Greet them cheerfully at the door and say "Hi! This is my house, too, so I'm going to live in my house!"

Regarding your mortgage: are you on the Note?

If you do move back in....a locksmith and a call to the alarm company before you enter and set it off is the way to go (they can tell you how to have it disarmed).

As of the Pendente Lite hearing, I agreed to let him live in the house. I worked for it 27 years but can't afford it nor the upkeep. It needs to be sold. SO.....that came about with the hearing. He has to pay the mortgage, upkeep and everything else. Plus, he now has to pay me temporarily. Being threatened to go back to your property after all that has been done I have elected to go by the book, trust in God to do the right thing, and just trying to survive. I feel like I'm in a pissing contest. I hate it. I've certainly learned some lessons, and, I hope he has to. I can only say that I tried Dr Harley's stuff and you just can't get through to some. He and this woman deserve each other, but, I have to admit I am in such a greiving process and I still love him. I know I have to let it go, but, having such a hard time.

Not absolutely sure of Virginia statutes, but in general terms you more-or-less set yourself up for a great deal of this pain when you moved out of your own home initially, and then left in situ things that you now claim to be important to you. (Your current lawyer has told you that already, hasn't he?) If it was so important for WH to spend time with OW, then he would have likely moved out. If not, her neediness to "have" him would have put sand into the machinery of their program.

Effectively you opened the door (literally!) for a lot of what you are bemoaning now.

In general, you seem to have a fairly sympathetic judge on your side. Consider that a blessing, and make the best choices for a favorable dissolution from here onwards.

And oh, yes, write down a list of the betrayals and injuries he has inflicted on you. When you're ever again tempted to think or write "I still love him" read that list and the temptation will pass.

I'm betting the honeymoon is over. You, your attorney and judge are beginning to bring reality down on them. You have been their common enemy and with you out of the picture, they will turn on each other. Once he can no longer support her, she will move on. Keep yourself out of that drama. Let your attorney and the judge do your talking now. Take care of yourself.