starfish. Do not push the Plan B button until you understand it and are commited to it. It often takes two weeks to get everything together to do a proper Plan B. Plan B can be more more harmful than good if not understood and executed properly.


It is something that you should start to study and prepare for NOW in the event that your FWH does not stop trying to fool and manipulate you...

Indie is bringing up good points that you will have to consider to do a proper plan B. Think about these things seriously and honestly. They need to be resolved before going into Plan B.

I know this is very hard. (((hugs)))

Star, go read how to plan b properly in the notable post section. It will be a grat help!

I hope your dog is doing better. I know how difficult that must've been to experience! I can't stand to see animals in pain... it's heartbreaking!

I did well up to this point because of all of the support that I have received from all of you! You all kept me going when I wanted to curl up into a ball and die.
WH and I haven't discussed anything regarding our marriage or his lack of honesty. I'm just having a hard time knowing what to do right now. I can still change the locks I guess and continue with Plan A for a little longer. I just don't know how long it's going to take to break him or for him to hit his bottom. He stayed in last night and took my Sister's advice about avoiding alcohol. He said he felt better and went for a 2 mile run. He has been at his friends all day and doesn't seem like he has left his house, except when he came by today to see the dogs. I just want him to be honest with me and tell me the damn truth! I'm tired of him trying to pull the wool over my eyes. I need the truth!

My friend's husband told her that he feels whatever my husband is hiding is REALLY BAD! Thinking there are multiple women and that he doesn't believe that he is telling the truth.

Its in my sig if you ever need to review it starfish.



Yes you can, but your Plan B prep may take some time. Your job sitch worries me. You need to get it lined up. A Plan A that lasts too long will affect your health as well as your plans



Tell me about it! I have made it my motto (see below)

What if he is bi-sexual or something? Something really dark?
My questions have always had women in them.

she is alive- if i sent pix you would not think so. thank you

i think he when he knows he has lost it all he will hit rock bottom. how are you responding to him, are you stepping back for fear of him leaving? lets look at the facts, you have a liar and a cheat you can take him back and he will always be that, or you can continue doing (Like a superstar) what you are doing and show him that you deserve better than that.

you are good with plans, the vets have told you what to do, but you need to sleep on it and figure out what you already know, do not settle for less than you deserve, i think ( like me ) you had been doing that for too long.


really what would be worse in you head than what he has already done?

Then he won't pass a poly while hiding it. I doubt it somehow tho. You've made it clear you'll hear out any secret. He prob is keeping quiet because he wishes to continue his addictions and he can't do that if you know about them.

He operates under the 'what she doesn't know won't hurt her' model and that will be the death of you.

The only communication that I have with him right now is through text or email. No phone conversations at all.

Yes, I'm feeling so weak again. This is exhausting!

Yes Starfish, he could have something darker than you thought but don't let that distract you from getting the truth.

Also, if/when you go to plan B....do not share the dogs. Do you really want him either
constantly coming into your home and displacing you while hanging out with the dogs
or
taking the dogs and using them as props for his relationship with other women?

I know I wouldn't want a dog of mine around any OW. No way.

You can take care of your dog babies all by yourself. Plan for that! Being a single dog owner indefinitely.

I actually don't think you are nearly ready in any way for plan B.

Well, really bad has varying definitions around here. I think we all know what's going on (yourself included) but much worse has happened on these boards than what we all know is going on now. It's not pleasant with what you are having to deal, but this is the hand you've been dealt. Gotta play it.

The awful irony of all this to me is that he feels the truth will drive you further away, when in fact it would be the best thing he could do to have a chance to save his marriage. He doesn't seem to realize, like we do, just how strong you are, how much you love him and are willing to try and work through this if he's completely truthful.

Thank you so much!!! What should I do right now? I'm just at a loss... He already knows I need the truth.

I agree with you about the dogs... I've been thinking about it and I agree with you 100%!!! If and when I move into Plan B, he would not be allowed contact with the dogs.

Start reading up on Plan B.

This will take your mind off the other distractions and will help to give you more of a sense of control as you start to prepare your Plan B in the possibility that you might decide to go there.

Star, I'm not a vet by any stretch, just a guy that's been there and done that and completely sympathizes with you. But if I were in your shoes, I would just sit him down and just lay it out like I described. Just tell him that his lies are unacceptable. Tell him how much you love him and are willing to try and recover from this if you have the whole truth. Let him know that hiding information is not helping (no matter HOW much he thinks he's protecting you), but hurting recovery chances if he chooses to not fully disclose and take the poly to verify. Anything less is just unacceptable.

If he refuses, then I guess you should severely prep for Plan B.

Unless, of course, you're willing to settle for less than the entire truth.

This is the feeling I am getting too. I don't think he is addicted to a specific OW, but to serial cheating. He is protecting a secret second life. What makes me think this is the casual sex he had with OW#2. That was not your typical affair, but a married man who believes he is entitled to have sex anywhere anytime and cares so little about his marriage that he would risk over some cheap fun. That is the mentality of a philanderer. This is another reason I don't believe the story you are getting about the other OW. Your husband has no boundaries, nor did the OW, so the story makes no sense.

sf, I think you should get ready to go into Plan B and then just go dark with no warning and no notice. Furtherd discussion is going to be very emotionally dragging to you since you already know that he is going to bluff his way of out of this. He still believes he can lie his way out of this, so further debate is just going to drag you down more.

I would get everything ready and then go into a very dark Plan B. One thing I would add to that letter in order for you to consider reconciliation, he would have to stop traveling. His traveling job has enabled his secret second life.

Starfish, how will you ensure No Contact while you and WH work at the same place? Is there anyway that you can expose the A to your boss, and ask them to help you ensure that you will have ZERO contact with your WH?

Thank you! No, I'm not willing to accept anything less than the whole truth and nothing but the truth! I appreciate your idea about sitting him down (vet or not), your willingness to offer me some ideas/options/guidance/support means a lot to me!!!