I can't quit my job right now. I'm on FMLA and filling out paperwork for short term disability if needed. I get it about the job thing, but as I mentioned, I HIGHLY doubt I would see him. I'm still learning about Plan B, not in it yet. I'm changing the locks tomorrow. I'm going to have to order the SAA book, because I really don't have enough info on Plan B. I'm trying the best I can. If Plan B isn't going to work, because of my job, then I don't know what I'll do... I guess Plan D. If I end up going into Plan D anyway, then i would be sorry that I quit my job, because I have been there for a long times, pays well and I have great benefits. I didn't cause any of this and yet I feel that I would be taking even more security and safety from myself that has already been taken from me by WH. I want to stand tall!

starfish, just take your time and read up on Plan B. There isn't much more about it in the book SAA, but it is good to fully understand it before you take the plunge.

I need specifics about Plan B. I need DETAILED information. Could somebody please email me this information (at mods approval)? I'm at my witts end!

Go here: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2482787#Post2482787

starfish, you mentioned something about being married before and also you mention working a long time at this place and that your H works there.

Did you two know each other while you were still M'd to your first H?

No, we did not. I was married/divorced in another state. I didn't meet my current H until 2 years after my divorce.

Thank you! I read this part earlier, but was wondering if there are other things that are missing from this overview?

Oh no, that is very comprehensive. And the author, marriedforever, was coached by Steve Harley in her Plan B.

WH responded to my text earlier:

WS, I understand where your coming from, but there is nothing left to tell. Sorry I have poured it all out. �I have left a message for a counselor, I hope to hear from him soon.

The part of Plan B which will be of most benefit to you, whether you do Plan D or not, is withdrawal and the subsequent healing.

The problem with your 'doubt' that you will not see him is that it is not a certainty. Even if you are right and you never see him from this day on, every day you go to work you will be triggered by the thought you 'might' see him and triggers stop you getting through withdrawal.

Let me give you an example. How aware are you of your phone right now? That it might ring and be him? Even if your WH was to never call you again, without changing your number (as you do in Plan B) you would know it was POSSIBLE for him to ring you and every ring would be a trigger. Every day it didnt ring would be a rejection and a different type of trigger. When the number changes you have no idea if he does/doesnt want to contact you and you stop waiting.

His having access to you at your workplace is like his having your number. You will know that he could easily try to meet you by chance and will be constantly waiting for that. Daily trigger. There could also be genuine chance meetings and again, you will be every day aware of that chance , so daily trigger.

One thing I must stress is that Dr H finds infidelity more damaging than physical abuse, rape or the loss of a child. You have been attacked in the worst way and while your attacker COULD heal you if he wanted, the daily chance of running into your unrepentant attacker is harder to manage than you might think right now.

If you go to work each day with the consciousness you might, just might, see him today - no amount of meds will help.

Is it fair? No. Is it your fault? No. But standing tall is not the same as volunteering for mental abuse.

What alternatives are there? Can you work from home? Another location? If you quit would he be forced to support you legally?

The reason why the job will have an impact is that because he's such an aggressive liar is that while historically you haven't run into each other at work, imagine delivering a Plan B letter and having him RESPECT the boundaries of that letter.

Sorry - I just don't see that happening in your situation. I see him aggressing you into acquiescing your boundary on his lies, coercing you into believing him or he won't leave you alone. Since you're at work, and less likely to cause a scene there, he will deliberately and intentionally and willfully seek you out, BECAUSE you went to no contact.

He will be in your face about it because he wants what he wants and feels entitled to it.

I would get another job, pronto. I would look into self-employment. But no matter how this shakes out as Plan B or Plan D, you will not be able to be in a safe place while employed at the same place as him.

A good radio clip from DR. Harley talking to a BW about how important it is for her to go to Plan B and not see the WH.

Clip on Plan B

Have you read other people's threads who have done Plan B themselves?

Plan B isn't that difficult to understand. There's not much to it. It's complete and total separation from your WS. That's pretty basic for the explanation, the emotions, etc are the things that you can't learn from books.

This is my concern exactly.

"You don't need a counselor to tell the truth, but a willingness to be truthful. There is nothing more to discuss until I have the full truth and you pass a polygraph."

What Scotty says about the experience of Plan B not being in books is correct.

Starfish, I went into a dark Plan B under the guidance of our Queen B Scotland, here (listen to her!) She is the reason my plan never broke once and why I have already achieved a personal recovery.

You're in fight mode right now, but that juice will depart soon making you flop.

This is where Plan B is needed urgently, and a dark curtain falls where it is impossible for him to reach you and you must resist reaching him. Sound easy? Its not. You cannot imagine how painful and tempting withdrawal is.

For three weeks, if you lash yourself to the mast you can resist that siren song of wanting him, but not for long. However if you never get through withdrawal you'll never be able to resist.

My plan was ultra dark with no triggers, but I still wanted to call his phone to hear his voice and one time came dangerously close to spying on OWs house but resisted.

I DID however cave slightly and googled his name. That little trigger kept me in withdrawal for about two more days. Luckily I resisted unblocking his FB which would have unleashed a haul of triggers.

If you are triggered so often at work, you'll never do it.

WH just texted me and asked me if I knew where his truck keys were at? I told him no. How would I know? He came by (unannounced), unlocked the door and came in to get his truck keys. I told him that I have no reason to take his truck keys or do anything else nasty to him. I am focusing on myself right now. I told him if he didn't believe me about his truck keys that I would gladly take a polygraph and I would pass it because I have nothing to hide. I told him that I would pass a polygraph about any subject and pass because I have nothing to hide and I'm not lying about anything!

OK, you are starting to cross the line into lovebusting so might have to start thinking more seriously about Plan B sooner rather than later.

Please just understand that HE WILL be breaking your Plan B at work. That is definitely going to be a problem...

I'm not worried about my job right now. I'm on leave. When I am able to return to work, I will make sure that I do not see him and I have others who can screen my calls and I can block his email.

He texted me and apologized and said his head is everywhere. He said he still loves me and wants to fix this.

I responded:
I love you too WH, but I need the truth. �Maybe you are protecting me, maybe you are protecting yourself and have buried the truth in you somewhere. Maybe you're being as honest as you can with me RIGHT NOW! �Remember you said the same thing to me after OW#1 and now you are telling me the same thing again and you failed the polygraph. �You need help...you need to find the truth inside of you and come clean or this will eat you alive. �You are eating me alive with your lies. �You were my whole world!!! �Please do the right thing. �I cannot move forward until you do. I want to save our marriage, but you need help and I need the truth.