I did read about disclosure and then I proceeded there is only 1 couple left to talk to. I have no access to the other man I know he has no facebook no wife no family that I know of. I've already called him and told him off And threatened him with text messages and on the phone In addition the sheriff have called me to warn me that I can't do that. My wife has a pretty close knit family and I think that's where it's gonna be really helpful. Now for me to figure out how to get a grip on my emotions Hopefully the steps taken today will alleviate some of the anxiety. Where should I go from here??

Does your wife's family know about her affair? Have they spoken to her about her affair?

Why?

The other man is a dad in my kids class. and ideally we should pull the kids out go to another school immediately she also help in the classroom once a week which puts her right there with this other mans kid. Her relationship with the other man again in front of the school. He still up at school Picking up or dropping off kids.

SHe said that because she hardly ever sees hime she doesn't see what the problem is.

Oh! I gotcha. The issue of the school is not a negotiable issue though. You don't need your wife's permission to pull the child from the school. That is not something she "gets to decide." That is something you demand if you are serious about recovering your marriage. And you won't have a marriage if you don't get away from that school.

That is not an option, though. It is not her option to CHOOSE. You don't leave this decision up to a falling down drunk who is thoughtless about the effect of her affair. This is not something you leave to her "choice."

I get that now. it's not an option. Things have escalated to the point where I have had to leave the house. Although it was my choice but a wise one i think.

I agree it was a wise thing to do. But take that further and address the things I noted above: get into anger management classes NOW. Find one that uses the methods Dr Harley mentions in those radio clips. And also get your child out of that school NOW. Your wife's continual contact with the OM at that school is going to keep you insane at a time you are learning to manage your anger.

What scares me about you is that many angry guys lose their perspective and tend to go to the OPPOSITE EXTREME, which is just as disasterous. Don't you EVEN give into the temptation to lay down and roll over with everything she wants regardless of how unhappy it makes you. An alternative is to learn to negotiate solutions that make you both happy. Things that are obviously bad for the marriage are not negotiable, such as her continued contact with the OM at the school.

Are you looking into anger management classes? If so, be very selective and come back here and tell us how they resolve the anger. Some are very ineffective and some are very good. We can help you with that.

I will look into the anger management and get enrolled by this week It will be myself priority I will listen to doctor Harley's advice on how to find the right kind. I have realized that if she will not nc this om we will not be living in the same house and our kids will go back to being shuffled back in forth.

I will definitely be moving forward on the things that I need to do this week as you suggested And I am thankful for your help and for my mother in laws help The nuclear bomb That exploded a month ago in the *** edit *** house has been exposed.

Edit your last ost for personally identifiable information!

Does the edit button show up on a smartphone I don't see it??

Try notify and ask the moderator

Well we are separated again, the temp was to hot. Tomorrow anger mgmt search begins.

I am actually encouraged after listening to the clips regarding anger management. Is it as simple as he says regarding anger management along with relaxation techniques. and simply just practice them on a regular basis why you're laying in bed or wherever and boom you begin to learn to be more controlled and not escelate.

I'm ready to start calling around about anger mgmt. but need to know that if they do not use the relaxation technique that Dr, H recommends than move on till I find one that does??

Anything else?? Almost seems to simple but it does make since kinda like when I got sober in the late 80s "if you don't take the first drink you wont get drunk". course it took some work to apply that simple principle.

Like understanding that principle that "nothing makes me get angry" i choose to ride that wave of anger.

You know whats interesting that when I got sober and clean I put into affect the principal of "Extraordinary precautions"
1. Cut off contact with all drinking and drugging buddies.
2. No bars, I wouldn't even walk down the alcohol isle in a store. 3. I stayed completely clear of certain streets in town because of the dealers that I knew lived there. Plus several other things.

Are there some extra ordinary precautions I can apply to my anger and rage??

exactly! Call and interview them to find out their techniques because many do not work.


To a DEGREE. For example, my husband does his best to avoid situations that he knows make him angry. He gets real upset when driving in traffic so he avoids it when possible. However, these situations often can't be avoided, so it is best to retrain your brain to go somewhere else when you get angry.