Totally,

"Am I wrong to think this is going to take more than a few weeks."

I guess you have not read or studied very much of MB. 'A few weeks'? There is no quick or convenient 'fix' to recovering a M after infidelity. You better be prepared to act on the advice being given to you here and also be prepared to 'go the distance' for up to a couple of years if you wish to recover your M. Since you don't seem to be convinced regarding the advice you are being given here it would be worth your while to have a phone consult with the Harley's. I say this because, like some BH's who post here, you have no plan and are not taking any postive action. Going with your 'gut feeling that the affair is ended' is Not a plan and you are floundering now. Wives do not respect a H who flounders at a critical time, even tho painful, and allows the M to 'fall apart'. That is why you need to cease the whining and pay attention to the advice you are being given and consider the phone counseling. Your wife is not going to fall back in love with you, whether or not she stays with her OM, unless you exercise leadership. Have you even thought thoroughly about gathering evidence (snooping), exposure, learning about Plan A?? So, stop whining and get galloping!

Best,

Tom

MelodyLane how long into the healing process did your spouse allow you to touch them by hugging and kissing and then complete intimacy.

Your wife won't allow you to touch her for 2 reasons: a) she is having an affair and b) she is repulsed because you allow her to treat you like dirt. Women do not love men they can't respect and they do not respect men they can run over.

If my spouse had ever not "allowed" me to touch him, he would have been shown the door.

Your wife is not "healing", she is having an affair.

My wife goes to see he counselor today although last night I think I found one of her emotional needs that Dr Harley talks about. I believe one of her biggest needs is admiration. I began to give her compliments last night about her teaching ability, coaching ability and her ability to figure out the budget. She responded really well to all of this or at least in my opinion she did.

OH MY GOSH!!!!


ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!


* I feel better. This thread is making me want to scream.*

Totally - please do something, anything - that is on the list of things you have been told to do to END THE AFFAIR.

I felt the same way, RidicSit, and have stepped away. He has surrendered his family to the OM. Nothing we can do to help because this is hopeless.

My god are ya'll ever going to believe me if I come on and say that the affair is over with. Ya'll just don't think situations can be different than yours. I haven't proved anything yet but until I do I believe her and will to continue to try to save my marriage by using the techniques in the book His Needs, Her Needs. Ya'll can step away if you want to it doesn't bother me.

You can't blame people for not believing it - you yourself have posted numerous oddities/discrepancies in her behaviour in the last few days and if I remember correctly, you aren't even living with her anymore (did you move back in?), so it's only natural that people think she's following the very typical behaviour of continuing her affair. You've left the house - how is that going to encourage her to NOT seek her OM or another man? I mean that in all seriousness? Women don't need "space" to think.

Yes, I am stepping away. Someone who is in denial can't be helped.

I understand what ya'll are saying but until I can prove it I can only go on what is being told to me. And there can be situations where things seem like an affair but are not. Situations can be different. I mean you wouldn't treat cancer the same way you treat a heart attack.

Who is more qualified to diagnose the knocking sound in your engine before the hood is opened? The haidresser or the master mechanic who works on engines every day and has for years and years? The hairdresser has no experience fixing engines but the master mechanic has plenty of experience. Guess which one you are?

AS you said yourself, you don't KNOW what is going on and are choosing to believe your untrustworthy wife who has a demonstrated history of lying to you. You are only doing so not based on any known facts, but because of a foolish DESIRE to believe her.

You have an emotional investment to believe her lies. We don't. We not only have an objective view that you don't have, but we are the master mechanic who listens to engines every day. You are the hairdresser.

Someone who behaves like that is in denial and can't be helped. I hope for your sake that you do some investigating and the evidence of the affair will wake you up.

T2T.,

Red alert, red alert.

You're about to lose one of the best MB professors.
You might want to start listening or you're going to lose your marriage.
Is that what you want? Your marriage to end? They have a thing for that it's called divorce.

I understand what she is saying but until I can prove it. All I can do is keep trying to investigate to try and find out. But until then I think I need to keep trying to repair the relationship. What is the best place to get a miniature camera from to put like in a air vent so she can't see it.

Radioshack or shop online.

Have you checked out operation investigate forum?

So you're doing carrot and stick of Plan A?

I would love to get spyware on her phone but can't get a hold of it long enough to put one on there. Refresh me on what carrot and stick of plan a is.

Pep's Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Thank you BrainHurts. That basically sums up what I am trying to do until I can prove the affair is still going on. I am trying to save the marriage while in the process of finding out if the affair is still going on. That post really helped.

Totally,

You have lost all of the vets here who could help you. You're not even near to first base in terms of saving your marriage. You just seem to be a whining, begging little guy in denial! There is no woman, inculding your W who is going to give you respect, much less any men! I honestly do not think you care about your M. Have a nice future!

Tom