After 12yrs together, 5 of those being married, i divorced my alcoholic husband. A yr ago i found my faith again and choose to forgive him and try again be cause i do still love him. He has since moved back in with the kids and i, is going to church with us and attending a bible study with me. However, he continues to drink when i'm at work and he says he only goes to church to make me happy. Inside i'm doubting my decision that i made. We seem to be on the same road to disaster as before. Ive been reading my book i got from this site and praying. He doesnt seem to care. Plz help, lost as to what is the right thing to do.

Hey Charlene

Welcome to MB's or welcome back? Did you ever post before? If so what was your old user name?

Which book did you get and read?

Also how old are your Children?

Before I write any comments you divorced him because of his alcoholic behavior in the M. Is that correct? Or was there more such as an Affair, physical/verbal abuse?


nESRE

I'm new here. Trying all I can to make things work. The book is Draw Close for couples. Can't get him to even look at it His drinking and anger were reasons why I left. Are children are now 13 & 17. I left him may 09. He was drunk and pushed our kids down stairs. Today his anger is not a problem. He is quite calm. But continues to drink, secretively as if I didn't know. Ty for any help/advise.

Excellent reads by Dr. H
Alcoholic Spouse #1
Alcoholic Spouse 2
Alcoholic Spouse 3
Alcohol, Abuse
Alcohol, Abuse and Infidelity

Ty for the reads

Charlene I m going to be blunt. By your words you divorced your husband because of alcohol and anger problems/abuse.

What did your H do in the meantime to change this situation? You see you went so far as to divorce this man and keep him from abusing the children yet you made a choice to bring him back into the home with very few conditions on his return.

You see my former x wife is an alchoholic (also WW). The conditions for return to try and recover our marriage were set higher because of the past abuse. I set the bar higher since there was a history. In your situation and much like myself the bar needs to be set high after abuse. My XW could not meet the conditions I set. At this time with her being an active alkie and WW? (not sure as I have kept N/C) I would not even consider a relationship with her because the same conditions are still there that led to the divorce.

Alcoholics only understand negative consequences for there past or current behavior. Being forgiving and right with God is a good thing for you but being forgiving and right with God does not equate to returning to a marital or any type of relationship with pretty much the same circumstances in place.

I have forgiven my XW and there will be no relationship I can see with her in the future. Just not going to happen since the conditions were not met while we were married. Alcohol and being WW was of higher priority than the marriage itself.

Dr.H would not even consider counseling couples where he suspected alcohol/drug abuse since the adddicted person would place more value on holding onto there addiction than the marriage itself. Most-not all will only do the minimal amount of work to stay in the relationship and nothing more. Only after successful completion of a recovery program and some time passing to prove recovery would he consider counseling such couples.

Sorry I do not have a lot of advice except get involved in Al-Anon if you are not already.

Have you read the book from this site called Buyers, Renters, and Freeloaders? This may give you some better insight to what your situation is right now.

Hopes this helps a little.

Best to you

nESRE

You know you made a wrong decision.
Stop and fix this today.
No more need to think it over.
You tried. Your alcoholic X-husband has not tried.
He moves out today.


You absolutely know what needs to be done.
You're sort of waiting for permission, aren't you?

He's not going to meet your needs.
Tell him to move today.

Sorry.

Charlene, you might ask the moderators to move your post to the Marriage Builders 101 section of the forum, or maybe even the Surviving an Affair section of the forum. The "Other Topics" part doesn't get as much traffic. You'll find a lot of help in the other sections.