Do you have an update?

XWW is still living with OM and is still naive about him. I have proof of him cheating on her and know that he has kicked her out at least once if not more. I have come to pity her as even now she is trying to prove that she has made the right decision. I do not bother with trying to get her to see the truth, it makes no difference with her and she will have to figure this out for herself. Anytime she hears anything about what she has done, there is attitude and its not worth it.

I have court the 22nd of this month to make all paper work final. WW signed and agreed to me taking full custody and for her to go to counseling and psyc evaluation. Really tho, i dont think she wants help or to get better. She is just doing the minimal amount needed in order to see her kids. Very sad really as she has continually been burning the bridge with her folks and has lost them as supervisors for the kids. She is now seeing kids with my parents as supervisors. Very little shame in her if she is willing to flaunt herself in front of them with out even an apology. Probably better she didnt do that either, as we all know it would not be sincere. My folks are supervising for the kids benefit for now.

I also had to give her a foot locker today that she requested long ago. i opened and found hundreds of letters and all of our marriage plans and books and even a diary she kept of our wedding day and honeymoon. Needless to say i have been very sad the last few days. Other than that, we spend a lot of time with my family and hers(without ww of course) and we try to enjoy life as much as we can. Its actually been kinda nice around the house lately. The boys are doing very well in school and We have gotten on to a new normal. They still consistently pray for there mom to come home. I have been preparing them that Dad will start dating again before long and they are saddened by that, but are also excited that they will potentially have a mom figure back at home some day. They have also been giving me ideas of who they want me to date lol. although the girl they want is half my age. I have also told the 2 oldest boys 7 and 9 the truth about there mom as i feel that the lying for her needs to stop and truth be known. They have pretty much figured it all out themselves and im tired of lying for her. They have taken it very well as they know there mom has been bad this year. (they know this themselves, not by me telling them and venting)

I am happy all is better for you. Her bottom is far. She is on her way. Let her spend this Christmas by herself. She will get there. Her 2012 will not be fun for her. She is heading towards Hell.

GOD BLESS

I, too, am glad to hear that you and the kids have somewhat normalized things. Wow, she really fell hard, didn't she.

Fell hard is an understatement i think. Yes the kids are better except for one. He is still having an extremely hard time with all of this. I feel real bad for them really. There are so many people that are praying for this girl to get her life together and start realizing what she has done and is consistently still doing. Its no easier now for anyone than it was at the start of all of this. Thank to all of you for your continues support.

Haven't been on much lately LostM.

I don't know why you WW is acting like she is. Maybe using "Grace as lisense to Sin" is the answer. We have this gift of free will and when we use it as a right, well we mess up pretty bad.

Acting like children who won't stop being bad until we get really spanked, is for children, like sticking our fingers in our ears and saying, "Nyah, nah nah ne Nyah nah!, I can't hear you!" We only fool ourselves, lie to ourselves, and corrupt our own conscience, we really don't win anything.

I know you are worried about the consequences she will bear in this, and for the childrens sake also how it will effect them. Children love there parents no matter what they do or become, there is just to great a connection to humanly disregaurd that.

But your connection to trancedance and rising above, along with your patience and understanding, will speak louder than any laws and or rules to your strength, and your children need to see that also. You are not moved from loving them, and there is an answer to what happened to thier Mom

Stay strong LostM, and God bless you this season

Thanks CP. This christmas really is sucking so far. Im getting tired of doing everything around the house and the shopping and the wrapping and the depression that comes and goes. My kids are totally worth every bit of it, but all of it is just getting to me. WW is a piece of trash right now and all i can do is cherish the good memories i had, Which seem to be disappearing fast. Looking forward to the time when someone new is in my life.

If your like me, you allways sought to make your wife happy, that was your job, your purpose, your identity

Maybe that is why you feel depressed, because now she has hung you on the cross, as scapegoat

Hiding her own dark desires, which are part of herself

They can't be your issue to control, only being honest with herself and the Father, can she control them herself

So now you can identify with those that love, yet might never be recognized, and allways be called jailors, when the truth is they are a hedge of protection

This is her battle, and be proud you are standing on the right side

In time you will heal, and joy will return, stay safe and true to your kids

I did always try to please her. I can imagine that some issues stem from that. She really had it all and then hung me on the cross and does whatever she needs to do to please the OM while i take care of our kids and get to feel dumped on during the christmas holiday. Same story different person i guess. Thanks to all for letting me vent.

So did you guys make it through Christmas ok?

Hope things have settled down now for you.

Yes LM, update us please

Christmas was good for me and the boys. things have not really settled at all however and a lot has happened since my last post so i will try to catch you up.

I had court to take full custody of kids on dec 22. The day of court my lawyer notifies me that ww hired a lawyer the day before and they filed a continuance so she can try to fight me. My lawyer was not worried about it, it just drags this senario out until feb 1 now.

WW sees kids dec 21 the day before court to give them christmas presents and to see them on her normal schedule. I did tell her that she could see them xmas day, but she didnt pursue that till xmas night, and then it was my fault she didnt try to see them.. Go figure.

anyways, my parents were ww supervisors for her and the kids. Once she decided to fight me in court, they told her they would no longer watch her. She could not come up with a supervisor so it was again my problem according to her because i demanded supervised visitation. This was last week and it had been over a full two weeks since she seen the kids. Long story short...I ended up supervising for a half hour and told her no arguing or never again. It went fine and she thanked me

Okay so we are on this week now. I get to work and i have an email that she is missing the kids terribly and on and on. She starts telling me last 3 weeks she has felt god working on her. Hmmm i read BS the whole time. So i go ahead and take the time to communicate some with her and she tells me she thinks she needs to try and leave OM. Hmmm, i read more BS here. So i take use the opportunity to go ahead and inform her of the multiple people he has been with that i know of while he had my XWW fooled. That hit a nerve. She then breaks down and tells me she needs to leave but cant. HMMM more BS is what i read. This is all by email.

That night she calls me and tells me about how she misses kids and that they dont want her and she is sad. I agree about them not wanting her. She is sobbing so hard i cant understand her. Hmmm, i think okay maybe BS maybe not. I tell her i will help her with her life getting straightened out BUT NO MATTER WHAT IM STILL GOING TO COURT! She said she knew i would. I proceed to tell her that if she screws with me i will make her life a living hell with the kids and she said she knew that as well. I told her the best thing she can do to show me change is to back off court and let it happen.

Yesterday she is obsessed with confronting OM and ending it. All day long she talked with me about it. Last night she did it and called and told me its over. hmmm i again heard bs about all of it. But pos om was calling and texting me because he was mad about something lol. I never talked to him.

Today i feel everything is a lie and i was not going to contact her unless she tried. I had emails waiting for me when i got to the computer. Again she is obsessed with trying to leave him so she can get her life back together for the kids. She called her lawyer and dropped everything, now asking my opinion on if she should see kids at all until she gets her life in order and is frantically trying to get it in her head that she has to lose OM. I tried comfirming her dropping lawyer, but have not heard back from mine yet.

So tonight. I set up a meeting for her to meet my source of information on OM's extra women, which she met and got the low down from a reliable source. she gained a friend to help her in battle to lose him. She admits she is infatuated with the OM and he is bad for her, her family, and her kids, but she cannot get over him. she wants to leave but she is weak. XWW claims to be trying very hard to lose OM and the source that she met with agrees that it looks like the begining of her trying to get her life together.

So where am i at in this deal? Im ready to call BS on everything at a moments notice. I stand my ground on full custody and court in 3 weeks no matter what she says or does. I have lent my hand to her to help her get her life on track, but repeately tell her if she burns me one more time she is in deep and i will make her suffer over it. (i have to get my point accross) I have told her Im ready to walk away from this at the drop of a hat if she makes one wrong move and i take zero crap from her at this point. So far she has been pretty strait forward and i have not caught her in any lies yet. I feel like im the bulldog now and i dont take crap as an answer anymore.

Sounds like you are acting realistically and honest with her.

If you consider recovery, do you think The center could be of any help?

I agree, you shouldn't take crap, or let your heart be yanked around.

Your WW has a ton of soul searching to do, to work her way back.

Hang in there LM

I think you did well, but I wouldn't say the "make her life a living hell with the kids" again. You never know if you're being recorded, and it could sound like you were trying to use the kids as leverage. She's near rock bottom and people like that can do really dumb things. You never know, and experience has shown that she is not trustworthy.

So get the legal things nailed down first with the kids, playing nice if you have to. Ex-wife comes a very distant second, I would say.

I can be warry about anything WW says.

I assume WW is living with the OM. If so you should ask WW parents or sibling for support to take WW in so she is out of the OM home. Also if WW works with OM she needs to leave that job. Explain the importance of NC to break the addiction to the affair/OM. The marrige and the children will not recover if the affair is allowed to continue.

Thing is if WW is waking up and you would take her back she needs to end the affair and your help to end it.

This does not mean let her come home, it's about proper conditions being meet first.

Rough waters need a skilled hand at the helm. Call the Harley's.

You are all right and that is the page im on. She understands where im at with the kids and she knows they dont need to be around other mam. I told her on the phone ive stuck my neck out for her and that if she starts lying to me and this is a scam, she will have hell to pay with me and the kids. I told her i realized i have been a pushover the last year and that is over. She seemed to genuinely understand what i was conveying. As far as her coming home, I dont even want to think that at all. I told her that her kids still pray for miracles over the matter, but thats not where im at. Maybe some day. If she is looking for a way out, i have provided that and thats all i can do. Yes she is still living with OM and honestly i dont think she is strong enough to leave at this point. She wants out, but wont take the steps to be out this instant, which makes me think this will all blow over and she will stay there. No matter what tho, i have caused major turmoil in that house and got through to a side of her i havent seen in over a year. Should be an interesting few weeks. I have thought about her using things against me, but its time to call the bluff and show her i mean business.

Hey lost,

How'd the custody work out?

Its all a mess. I was supposed to have court on 2/1. Yet again the day before she hires another lawyer and gets it postponed. As of last week, her new lawyer suggested a guardian ad lidem. Great there is another fee. My lawyer tells me its a good thing and not to worry. Now WEW is trying to get me to settle out of court because she cant afford anything. So really, WeW is just spinning my wheels.

Well all, here is a little update. Its been a while and many may not remember much. I final got court resolved in pretrial. I had to keep things at joint custody with me having final decision making authority after 7 days in any disputes. Basically i have full custody with WeW having the idea that she has not lost everything reguarding the kids. Guardian ad Litem was convinced by WW's actions and the kids that they needed to be with me majority of time. WW sees kids once a week for a few hours and every other weekend during school and 2 overnites a week during summer. My ex does not pay any support and claims no kids for taxes. Kids still do not want to see her, but at this time i make them go. And i have it court ordered that my kids will never see pos OM!!!!!!!!!! How sweet is that? That was one of my main goals!

Now on to life! which with 4 boys its hard to have much of one besides being Dad. Life is pretty good being single. Lonely at times, but that is far and few between at the moment.

That's awesome to hear! I am happy for you keep being the best dad you can be!