It's been months since I looked at this website and for some reason I looked at it today and you're the first familiar name I came across.

We all have to find a reason that our ex-spouses cheated on us and find the positive in it like you are. Life is a journey, you have to ride it with all the ups and downs.

Although I am not religious like you are at this point in my life, I have used this experience to try to better myself in all areas of life. Finally a year and a half after it all started I think I am at peace about it.

Well, I thought Id stop by and give an update:

Things seem to be going even further downhill for me, but I remain optimistic in the face of it all.

3 months after I quit my 9-5 job in January to work exclusively at my then part-time job as a waiter for a fairly upscale restaurant, business hit a slow period. I was forced to discontinue my workouts because I couldn't afford the drive to the other side of town regularly.

I have since fallen behind on CS, I anticipate being evicted since I was already behind and have fallen further. I had what I thought was a way to get caught up but that fell through. Just Thursday night, I had to park my car indefinitely (i got pulled over) until I get my tags and license renewed because they both expired recently and I didn't have the money to get that done yet (I still don't).

I have been trying to find another job but have not been successful as of yet. I do still have a couple of coals in the fire, so I will see how those pan out. I did have a brief relapse into the world of pornography just days after I posted I didn't miss it. I�d allowed the many negative aspects of my life to send me spiraling downward into self-pity mode, so I just stopped caring about what was right, especially in Gods eyes.

The car situation now makes it difficult for me to spend time with DD temporarily because I have no family around to help me with that. I have no way to take her to school in the morning or pick her up after school to take her to gymnastics. At times, I do feel like I'm on an island all by myself. No family closer than 3 states away and seemingly no one else who cares but oh well.

I still haven't had any contact with WxW since the one time in March and I don't plan on it, but at the same time I still haven't stopped wearing my ring.

As I write this, I feel like this may be one of the saddest stories anyone might ever read but yet, I write and smile at the same time because my faith, even though it once faltered, keeps me optimistic. I can smile because I know that even when things are as they are, as bad as it looks, God is with me. I may not be able to see beyond now but I'm convinced God has a plan.

That's enough to make me smile....

I am sorry for your financial straits.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Have you thought of finding a room mate living situation for a while?

No but I might have to. Heck, I might just need a place to stay period in a few days.

Well, I am now able to legally drive again. Also, my apartment manager told me I'm not at risk of eviction (thank you Lord). On a negative note, my job prospects fell through so Im still looking.

For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. Matthew 7:8


You are in my prayer.

X2

I would like to get some input on something. Maybe someone has dealt with something similar.

I was informed this weekend by DD that I won't have her on my next weekend because WxW is taking her to Tennessee to see her neice graduate. I am not okay with this. This will be the second time in 2 months that I will lose my time because of something WxW does. Last time was in march when she just didn't drop her off at the pickup point.

Can I go back to the court and file contempt? I'm just so tired of her doing whatever she wants to do. If I go back to court, I will also bear the evidence of her continued contact inspite of being harshly reprimanded by the judge last time.

Since then, I have received messages thru dd's backpack. I've gotten things in the mail from her and some phones calls.

I think I might have so something I've wanted to avoid and that is get her in trouble. I've never wanted to do that because I do still love her but I'm tired of her doing whatever she wants with no consequences.

Any input would be appreciated.

I would let her go but send info that you will take a different weekend to take its place.

Nice but you get time with dd and dd gets to go to the lovely graduation.

Hopefully that will work for you.

Due to the fact that I work weekends, I have a set schedule where my weekends alternate. And to be honest, I'm less bothered by the graduation and more bothered by not having a choice in the matter.

Are you documenting all these changes in the visitation?

In case you do go back.

Yes. The bad part is she has refused using IM so we have NO method of communication. I've sent messages but she won't respond, choosing to communicate through our 8 yr old daughter.

That's so unhealthy for your DD8.

Have you had your IM send another message reiterating the way to communicate?

What does your attorney say?

Have you ignored the messages? Told your DD that it's not her job to relay messages from her mother?

Parallel parenting has done wonders for me.
Have you read this? Parallel parenting

mark, first of all regarding the communication, set up an email account and tell your WW it's for her to communicate with you regarding DD (don't say anything about an IM) and then just have your IM manage the account. This has worked for myself and others. Tell her it is unacceptable to use DD to pass messages.

If your WW won't comply with that, I would drag her azz into court because I don't believe any judge will appreciate her using your DD as a messenger...

Have you talked to your atty about what she is doing? She shouldn't be changing ANY weekends without your consent. And like reading said, if it is a special event like a graduation and you DO want to agree, she needs to give you the time back with another weekend. But you need to be careful because with waywards, you give them an inch and they take a mile. I allowed STBX one change and then it turned into a free for all. I had to reign things back in and start saying no to every single request for changes...

Sorry you are going through this...

Do you read the notes found in the backpack?

I would have the IM inform your WxW that she needs to stop sending messages through your DD. It is unfair to have your DD be used in this way. Is there still a protective order in effect?

BH, I know its unhealthy. When I tried to setup a code for her to call me whenever she wanted, she followed the plan perfectly. But when I realized her mother was passing messages (I could hear her in the background), I had to stop it. I did talk to DD and told her why.

Yes, I had IM send another message stating this but she refused and even threatened him if he didn't stop sending her messages (she doesn't know him).

I don't have and attorney anymore. After the short custody battle and D were finalized, he withdrew himself. And yes, I know about parallel parenting and actually tried to push for it but the GAL told me I was being unreasonable and that I should just accept the divorce and do what's best for DD. My lawyer just followed the GAL's recommendations.

Susie, I might just have to do that but there is still a problem. She won't give me a personal email address since I found out so much about her infidelity through her old one. If I need to communicate, I has to be done Monday - Friday thru her work email address.

Maybe I wouldn't be so bothered by the special event had I had a chance to decide if I wanted to allow it. But I didn't and that what bothers me. To this point, she has absolutely gotten everything her way with no repercussions.

I know no judge would be happy about her using our daughter as a messenger, especially ours. If he were made aware of it, I'm sure he would blow a gasket considering also that my WxW continues to defy him with the notes. His words to her after complaining I wouldn't respond (after she was granted her bogus PO) were "Mrs. Marksaysay, you wanted this and now you're complaining. You are not to communicate with via phone, email, text, or SMOKE SIGNAL! NOTHING!"

The PO is active until June 2013 and yes, I did read the notes.

Also, during the D, I notified my attorney of the notes and asked them to push to have the PO dropped/removed (whatever the proper term is) since she was in violation even after being reprimanded. His paralegal just spoke to her and asked her to stop, which she hasn't. The y said she wouldn't agree to that. I didn't think we should get her permission when SHE was in violation. Needless to say, the judge was not made aware.

The GAL then had them draw up a modification allowing us to communicate via email. I refused it. I didn't want to directly communicate with her. I wanted it done away with because it was bogus and she repeatedly violated it. The refused to pursue that.

Susie means that you get an email addy that you pass on as YOURS, and have an IM be the one to actually receive and send messages through that address so you don't actually see the emails. It has been done before.

Well then Mark, it sounds like just need to head back to court and get this straightened out legally. I know it's not the course of action you want to pursue, but I think it's the course you need to pursue. Your X is just being petty and vindictive, and it's time to put a stop to it.

She is choosing to use your daughter as a pawn to manipulate you even after divorce. Not right and not cool. You need to draw the line here and now. JMO

You have a judge that has warned her before, and she has ignored his order repeatedly. I don't think she would be all that pleased to have to face him again. Pretty sure he wouldn't be too fond of having his orders ignored either.

You need to protect you, you daughter, and your parental rights now. Her petty crap is irrelevant.

I understood but with the PO, we're not to have any direct communication. The 2 email address wouldn't work.