He came by to see the dogs and I asked him if he was ready to be honest. He said he just started his therapy (IC). I politely told him that he still has the ultimate choice if he is going to be honest or not. He said he would also like to take the dogs for a walk and wasn't sure... Hmmmmmmm ..... Why? Because you are still lying??? lol....

When you take the walk with the dogs......make it pleasant and enjoyable (tough, I know).

You have stated your clear expectations for honesty like crazy and will be giving him the letter stating it.

Meanwhile, put some love units in his bank (in your account) and talk about other things while walking with him!

Ended up going to counseling session. MC told him what I needed. He is still in denial. We hugged and left, then he called me to grab a bite to eat. Waiting for him at the restaurant now...

During MC he did say that he did wonder sometimes where he and OW#1 might be if she hadn't of moved out of state 10+ years ago. This was a new truth.

What a nit-wit comment.


Have you ever read about the 80/20 rule of relationships?
I'll link the thread.

BRB .....

The 80/20 rule *LINK* to MB thread

Your WH is wondering "What if" and taking his 20% from OW.
That 20% has become intoxicating ..... and WH is about to lose his 80%.

YOU are the 80%.
NEVER forget that.

At dinner tonight, I think I did a spectacular Plan A exit!!! He couldn't keep his eyes off me and told me he loved me and missed me so much. I told him that I was looking forward to spending more nights with him like this...

Starfish is our Katniss Everdeen. Ever so self-doubtful, yet has tremendous inner strength and delivers in the clutch. Nice job, Star. From this newbie's perspective, you've done an artful job so far in your transition to Plan B.

Agree, she has done very well. She's fought against the MB concepts a couple of times, but I guess it's human nature to do so. They are very much counter intuitive at times, but dead on the money all the time. And she's realizing this. Quite refreshing to guide someone (not that I've guided her on this) to do the right thing and actually see them do it compared to fighting someone to do the right thing to save their marriage and have them fight against it.

She's a CHAMP!!

But, Star, you need to listen to all the PB vets here (indie and Scotty) about going Plan B. You working in such close proximity to your WH will not turn out good. There is no sense in even thinking about going to PB until you can insure, to the best of your abilities, that NC can be attained. Sure PB can be broken in many ways when you are not working together, and you can shut them down one by one. But as long as you are working together he has way too many ops to break PB. What's to stop him from just going to your car after work and just wait for you to show up? Absolutely nothing...and you can bet he will.

PB is useless with these kinds of opportunities. Before you go PB, you have got to figure out a way to tighten this up.

Thank you!!!! I'm trying... Crying inside, but didn't let it show! Talked about the fun I had today and plans for tomorrow... everything that he is missing! And, for the first time, he was the only one that cried in MC tonight. After he told a few new minor truths, our MC told him that this shows he is still withholding information. He said there is no way in hell he will do another polygraph! We will see...

Of course he's saying that about the poly right now. When he first agreed to do it, I was thinking maybe he was telling the truth. But after.....

He arrogantly strolled into that poly thinking he was smart enough to fool it.

He slithered out realizing he wasn't.

When he divulged new info in MC tonight, hd said, "I'm not saying that I didn't lean on OW#1, when I was feeling down, etc. and I'm not saying that I didn't think about what could have been had she not moved out of state 10+ years ago, etc.".

I think the "I'm not saying.. " had a lot if weight. I don't believe that he felt he received closure on the relationship. I could be wrong, but it seems like this to me.

Poor guy, I want to say goodbye to my cocaine. Let's hug and kiss, spend these last minutes together. Maybe I take you one last time. Sniff.. Oh right, closure. Bye! See your next time.

This closure thing is one of the nuttiest thing I have seen.

But your, starfish, you are a true heroinE

Anxiety again this morning... He changed the password on my tracking device... Arrrrgh! He wants to come by after work to mow, edge the yard. I have a hair appt at 3pm, so hoping I can make it back in time.

Looks like we might be selling our boat this weekend!!!
He took the paperwork with him last night, so hopefully it's a sure deal!!!

I can finish up my letter today. Hopefully I can work on the other items tomorrow and get his letter to him by Sunday/Monday.

DITTO !!!

Oh, forgot to mention that he said he was thinking about moving in with his friend (single/bachelor/playboy) that lives in a gated condo development that is close to the bar that he is hanging out at. He is crazy right now!!! I'm thinking I will call my FIL today and let him know, because I hope he can sway him away from that decision. He seems to have gone off the deep end! I don't even know him anymore...

Your WH's 'deep end' is his problem.
STICK to Plan A for now.

I should explain.
You don't want your fingerprints on WH's decision of where to live.
If you try to 'sway' and are successful, then it's your fault he missed a chance to live in that 'cool' place.
If you fail to sway, and he moves in, you're still in the wrong for trying to interfere with his 'happiness'.

He's an idiot right now.
Leave no fingerprints on this decision of his.
If you WANT to, you could discuss it with him in a matter-of-fact sort of way.
By that I mean, asking a lot of questions without rendering an opinion.
But, honestly, I'd steer clear.
Plan A.

I just have a hard time with this as its not a good decision for our marriage. Again, poor boundaries!

Ooooh he's a crafty one your wayward husband.

Cool your panic stations, turn off the red alert and ask yourself: Why is he so keen to tell you this?

It's the usual 'How much do you care about what I do?' bluff that all waywards give the BS.

He's saying, 'Unless you take me back right now without terms, I'll be a swinging bachelor in a couple of weeks. Jealous?'

Your response to this should be: 'Unless you meet my terms, yes you will end up becoming a saddo aging pick up merchant.' But say it in nicer terms. Actually just ignore him. Silence is a powerful response to threats and nonsense.

Way to work it like a rock star!!!!

Just a thought.

The sooner the wayward hits rock bottom in Plan B, the better. Moving in with his toxic buddy is probably the best way ever to hit rock bottom and quickly, too.