Hey there! I haven't posted in quite some time, since shortly after my dday, but I've not forgotten about you all here.

First I wanted to thank so many of you. Too many to name everyone. But most of all Ridiculous because she pointed me to MB on dday while holding my hand during my discovery. I <3 her!!

Many of you gave me some really great though hard advice when I came here last July. But, thank you. It's saving my marriage. I bought every Dr. Harley book and have read them all, more than once. As has my husband. We are in MC with a therapist who is pro MB.

We've had some bumps, as we all do. I'm healing, he's remourseful, we are repairing and recovering.

I have hope!

So glad your M is doing well.

Any wisdom you can share that you've learned along this journey?

Did you ever deliver the letter to the OW's BH? What did he do?

Thanks in advance for sharing.

Thanks for the great update, lemmix!

I wasn't able to deliver the letter to the OW's BH because I couldn't FIND him. At all. And I absolutely tried. This is the ONLY regret that I have. ANd I'm still trying to find him, because I want him to know. He deserves to know. I have all my proof saved and as soon as I can find him, he will know.

She did get our NC letter, and it was return receipt with signature. I was so grateful for that. (more proof for her BH too).

As for wisdom? I don't know exactly, but I'll share what has happened.

There was a lot of trickle truth the first few months. About the time line, what happened, and also i found out he had an addiction to porn. And it was horrific. At that time I was doing 180, focusing on myself. He started lashing out a lot at me, almost daily. Not a good place to be in.

I ended starting to plan for Plan B at the end of November.
My WH then found out what my plans were (he snooped in my journal which I had not logged out of) and this sent him into a complete breakdown mode.

I gave him two choices at that point, either go to our doctor and discuss getting on medication, or I and our therapist were going to recommend he be admitted to the psych hospital on a 72 hour hold. I was worried he'd hurt himself at that point. Not suicidal, but he was beginning to talk to himself, not make sense, and so distracted I was worried he'd get into an accident or something.

He chose to go to our doctor. Our therapist and I then told him he really needed to be evaluated by a psychologist. Which he also agreed to.

He was diagnosed with mild bipolar, PTSD, and Personality disorder with obsessive compulsive traits and narcissitic traits.

During the evaluation period, he/we/I were in both IC and MC intensively. THe medication was helpful in that it started to slow his mind just enough that he was able to then apply tools from both the MB books and therapy to himself. Finally.

He started to accept responsibility. He started taking action and actively trying to fix both himself, and our marriage and our family relationships (with our kids).

His psychologist has recommended long term therapy and medication and he's on board with both.

Our communication has been amazing. I've been able to talk to him about everything, without angry outbursts. He's not lashedout at me since December. We're spending our 15 hours together every week. We MAKE time for it. And that is a lot easier than either of us thought.

HN,HN has been eye opening for him. We are still always looking for ways to make things continue to be better.

Our joint therapy session this week was so healing for me. Because I'd been having a difficult time emotionally lately. And he opened up and asked me to talk to him about it, and I did and that has been what I've needed. For so long.

So the one thing I'm still trying to do is find the OWs BH so he can know. Because he NEEDS to know.

Melody, thank you. You and Pepper along with Ridic, your posts were everything I needed to hear and to get me to really push for answers and gave me the strength to to send the NC letter, go forward with the MB concepts, expose to family, friends, etc. I didn't always like what I read, but I knew it was because it was the right thing. And if I want long term success in my marriage, I had to listen.

And though I didn't post, it didn't mean I wasn't reading.

Can you hire a PI to find him?

He doesn't live the OW anymore?

I will answer for her- because I know this story as well as my own.

We suspect he is illegal, and kind of in hiding , off the record. She sent registered letters- and we tried other things- and we are unsure if there has been successful contact. Frustrating.

She has been a rockstar in many, many ways. Y'all would be so proud. She took MB to the heart- and used it to save and now heal her marriage.

I just love that girl. <3

2 kisses

^^ what Ridic said. I've got someone trying another avenue now though in hopes of getting his name or something else on him.

He doesn't have a steady job. He's a day laborer. So, I can't send him anything at work.

Unless I personally stake out the house, which isn't local, either in the wee early morning hours or late at night in hopes of spotting him, even though I don't know what he looks like, or his name, or speak the language, it's truly a frustrating situation.

But, I'm still exhausting my search options. I used to work for a PI and INS, LOL. Ironic. I won't give up on this because he absolutely deserves to know.

Ridic has been a true rock for me though. I couldn't have done this without her.

Today has been an exceptionally great week starting with a wonderful joint therapy session and some really great revelations within myself, some great communication with him, and just...falling in love with him all over again. My kids are thriving in this new found relationship as well.

It's also spring, it's beautiful weather, I have baby chicks and more hatching soon and on Monday night our goat Gracie had two baby boy goats. What more could a girl ask for right?

I got a nice surprise in my inbox this morning.

I have a name for the AP's husband now. Different last names which is why I couldn't locate them. And they had moved, so I now have their current address.

I now can finish this and tell her BH. Wow. I'm kind of in shock.

Woo Hoo!
Awesome so now you can let the BH know?

Let us know how it goes. When will you be doing this and how?

Good job!!!

I'm still kind of in shock that I actually got it, after 9 months.

It looks like they moved about 3 months after we sent the NC letter. (In which a restraining order was mentioned.

He has a different last name then her, as well as apparently uses his middle name as a last name often too. So "two" last names. Which made it so difficult to find him, as well as the move.

I think I'll be sending a registered letter, along with my proof, copy of phone bill, copy of the text exchange she and I had, and a copy of the letter I sent to her along with the return receipt in her signature.

I have to have the letter translated into spanish. I have a phone number too, but since I dont' speak spanish, it would be difficult for me to call him and talk to him, which is what I'd really like to do.

I just can't believe I have this information. My hope is that she doesn't intercept the letter. I'm not putting my return address on it, so hopefully she won't realize it's from me.

I think his phone is from his work somehow, because it's not the same as hers, it's a cell phone, and it's from a different state area code, which would probably mean work given. It would be so much easier just for me to call him. However, I'd need a translator.

So you will send it registered mail and require his signature?
So no Spanish speaking friends of yours?

You can translate it into Spanish,correct? By using google?

Since you have the new address to far to drive and deliver into his hands?

Commend you for staying with it. Good luck. I know when I drove over and told the BH to his face I was so glad I did because his WW came to the door and tried to down play it but I had the emails as proof. Knowing her BH would believe whatever lie she told him. He had to believe me with the proof.