Is that how he phrased it? If so he's not very subtle. The truth isn't parcelled out piecemeal, its just the one big whole chunk. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.


Do you mean meet the need for sexual fulfilment? You should do as part of your Plan A,but its tricky, because waywards are not careful about safe sex and even if he's been screened therere things that take a while to show.

Some people meet the need wearing condoms, others get them all hot and bothered and leave with a 'to be continued once you're ready to work on the marriage' I just stuck to prancing about in lingerie and talking about how much sex we could be having if hed done NC.

No, he didn't word it that exact way, but told me that he had something to send me.
I'm feeling that I need a S EM need met right now... This is so hard!!!

I know honey, even when you're a trooper as you clearly are, its the hardest thing you'll ever do.

Someone described me as 'battle hardened' tonight and it was my Plan A that made that happen.

If you wanna, you wanna, just wear a condom!

He did say he was glad to see me last night. He said that he misses me, everything about me. He also said he had a fear that the longer he was gone, that he felt he might get used to not being around me and it freaked him out. Sounds like a scare tactic?
I told him that he could change that and he knows what he needs to do. He said he would be sending me a new email this morning with more info. I asked him if it was everything and he said its a start and he is starting over. I have a feeling that it's not going to be what I'm looking for...

Why is it taking so damn long for him to just get it all out???

Here is what he sent me this morning:

I want to let you know that I have not been completely honest about OW#1 over the last two years. �The day we went to lunch that you know about, that started all this, OW#1 did tell me as I was getting in my truck that she loved me. �I responded with I love you too, and you�ll get through this. �Not sure why I told her I loved her, but she was very emotional, and that was how I responded. �I do care about her, because we had a good, but strange relationship for 3 years.
When she came back into the picture it did stir up old memories. �I contacted her a lot more frequently than I even realized during the last 2 years. �I was shocked on how often it actually was. �You and I were starting to go through some rough times as OW#1 started to enter the picture again. �We were not communicating well, and we had our fertility issues going on as well. �You would go outside with wine and smokes, and do research, get on blogs, face book, whatever it was, and I�d just do my thing inside or go to our neighbors house or whatever. �We were not ourselves, and for some reason I could not communicate with you. �I think I was afraid of making the issues you already had worse, but I�m not sure why you didn�t communicate with me. So as OW#1 was leaning on me, I started to lean on her as well. �She was someone I could at least talk too. �Not necessarily about problems, but just talk, communicate, something I couldn�t do with you.
As time went on I did have thoughts about if I had married the right person. �If OW#1 had moved to our state 12 years ago, would we have been together. �I even thought about sex with her again, even though that never happened, and we never even talked about stuff like that with each other. �Those thoughts however did cross my mind. �The connection that we had lost over time seemed to be coming back.
I knew it was wrong to be doing what I was doing, but I didn�t understand why. �I thought well as long as we keep this a friendly thing then there should be nothing wrong with it, but there was something wrong. �I understand that better now. �Just letting her back in my life brought back old memories and thoughts of affairs. �If she had not come back in my life, or if I had not let her back in, then those thoughts and memories would probably not have ever come up, and I may have been able to maybe communicate with you. �She was a distraction to our marriage.
As more time went on and we were doing our Creighton model meetings, and we started to seem to come back together a little more, maybe because of a common goal of a baby and family. I did start to push back on meeting with OW#1, but that did not stop me from being in contact with her. �For some reason I could not completely push her out of my life. �I always had to have at least some way to contact her in case I felt the need to. �I was not happy about writing the letter to OW#1 that night when we sent it to her, but I did feel some sense of relief later on. �You helped me do something that I for some reason could not do on my own, and that was cut ties with OW#1. As long as she was around, I was going to feel the need to be friendly with her.
After counseling started, and we started having some really good days, it was evident to me that what I really needed was you, my wife in my life. �We had both drifted pretty far apart from each other, and it was nice to have you back in close again. �Granted during counseling we had rough days as well, but the good days were some of the best I�ve had with you in several years.
Overall I have come to terms about cutting ties with OW#1. �I have learned a lot about what is right and what is wrong in a marriage. �Should I have known these before, yes, but sometimes it takes things like this to make people understand the poison that comes from letting others cross the boundaries of a marriage. �I now realize how much poison OW#1 was to us. �I have also realized that letting any female cross boundaries is a recipe for disaster.
BW, I have seen us over the last couple months grow close again on days. �Close like we were when we were dating. �Where we just loved being around each other. �When we couldn�t keep our hands off each other. �I feel that we can be that couple again, and not just for a short period of time, but for the rest of our lives.

I love you,
WH

Yes you're right, that was a scare tactic!

The fog script he gave you is just more smoke and mirrors to persuade you to drop the polygraph.

First he says 'If I admit to inappropriate sexual behaviour, will you drop the poly?'

Then he says 'If I admit to inappropriate emotional boundaries, will you drop the poly?'

Forgive me if I am misremembering, but I don't see any new info that would explain his failing the poly? I thought he had already admitted inappropriate feelings for his ex? Is he trying to repackage up his old story as new to see if you are buying today?

How should I respond to this email Indie?

He invited me to go on the boat today and have lunch.

I think he's stepping up his campaign to get you to cave.

If you can handle the boat, go but I think you'd find it near impossible to love bust while he's pressuring you to believe such obvious lies.

Why not email back that you hope he sees fit to give you the whole truth and pass a polygraph before its too late. Be a broken record, say you can handle any revelation but continued lies and trickle truth will end your marriage.

After that go to lunch if you want, but somewhere breezy and casual where you can just get up and leave if he presses you to lovebust. Maybe stick to drinks or coffee.

I'm not caving and he knows it. I told him he needs to come clean sooner than later, if he wants to rebuild our marriage. I told him that I haven't been angry at him once for telling me the truth and he needs to do the right thing!

I agree with Indiegirl, he still believes he can trickle truth his way out of this.

You haven't been angry in the PAST. But, really starfish, that horse has left the barn. After all of this, it might be too late. He has gone to EXTREMES to avoid telling you the truth. EXTREMES. Even to the point of possibly losing his marriage. His affair with the OW #1 is much more entrenched than he is saying. He is in love with her and there is no way he hasn't been having sex wtih her. The reason he doesn't want to come clean is because he is still protecting her. And possibly other affairs.

So he wants you to believe he kept all of his physical boundaries with OW1 with whom he had an emotional connection --- but somehow dropped all those boundaries for OW2 whom he barely knew??
That makes no logical sense whatsoever.

He keeps testing you - to see if its safe to reveal more.

If you spend the day with him, and these topics come up you will have to respond like a robot. If you allow your emotions and hurt to show, he will retreat and justify more lying. Because he thinks by lying he is protecting you.

There is nothing new in his email - other than the "love you" comment that I seriously think is the tip of the iceberg in terms of their mushiness.

What should I say to him on the boat today?

Just be a broken record like indie suggested. Tell him the story doesn't make sense and you can't stay in a marriage where you don't have the truth. Tell him the trickle truth is going to be the death of your marriage and you are reaching the point of no return because of his refusal to be honest.

See, he thinks by throwing you these little crumbs that you will fold and call it good. You need to disabuse him of that notion.

When are you going into Plan B?

Should I specifically mention this to him???

Yes!

Can I slap him once he tells me? lol....
I'm holding back so hard right now.... I know the SOB screwed the whore!

On the boat right now...God, this is so hard!

Starfish it is hard, I know, but once in Plan B you look back and always wonder if you couldve done a better Plan A. No matter what happens you will know that you fought like a warrior for the truth and showed him EXACTLY what he stood to lose.

Try very hard (plan A style!) to enjoy your day.

If the conversation vears towards relationship talk -- put a time limit on it. 10 minutes. Put an alarm on and tell him that you just want to enjoy the day, but if we need to discuss this here is the rule. 10 minutes and done...