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Alright MelodyLane I need your help for real this time. I believe without a shadow of doubt that my ww is at least having an emotional affair with this guy. She has been texted him for the past two nights for two and three hours straight even past her normal time she goes to bed. I believe in all my heart that this is the reason she will not give me a chance. I'm ready to give her my plan but I don't want to come off sounding demanding or do I need to sound demanding at this point. My plan is.
1. Tell me who the other man is and end all contact with him.
2. Plan 15 to 20 hours a week to work on marriage and to meet each other emotional needs.
3. Be open and honest about everything.
4. To follow Dr. Harley's plan to the tee and to read his books.
I hope this is a good plan if not please help. Right now this is all I could think of.
Like I said before right now I do believe she is at least having an emotional affair I haven't been able to prove the physical affair yet. An emotional affair is an affair. You need to expose it and NOT give her a chance to let it go physical (if it hasn't already). Exposure 101 You need to be back home and be in Plan A. All the rest will come if and when she is ready to go into recovery. Carrot and Stick of Plan A
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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tc, don't give her any plan at all, because she won't accept it. She will just accuse you of spying on her and go further underground.
You need to a) go home and b) snoop and find out who the OM is and what is going on.
Don't go off half cocked until you have all the goods. Now is not the time to present any plan TO HER. Find out who, what and where. And get back home!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I know the who, I just haven't been able to figure out the what and where. I know the guy because he put his telephone number on Facebook and all I had to do was match them up to what was on my cell phone bill. That was the easy part. Finding the what and where is going to be the hard part.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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What is your evidence so far? Is this guy married? How do you think she met him? Have your kids met him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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MelodyLane, he is not married and she knows him from highschool. I'm not sure if my kids have met him yet. As far as evidence all I have is a list of text messages she has sent him. It is just a list of the times she texted and what day she texted him on. She has been Texting really late at night for about two to three hours at a time. One time was from ten oclock at night to just past midnight. She is normally in bed by this time. This is all the evidence that I have because I don't want to install anything on her phone that could get me in legal trouble.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Tc, you won't get into legal trouble if she doesn't know. You have to get evidence if you are going to make any headway here. And every day you are out of the house weakens your position more and more.
Is there a legitimate reason why you have done that?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I moved out of the house because she was going to get an apartment and I would have to pay for the house. I don't make enough to pay for the house myself so instead of.possibly uprooting the only home my boys know I move out. But I'm to the point I really don't care for the house anymore. Should I expose the affair she has already admitted to. I have a written letter that she wrote to me saying she had the affair.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I moved out of the house because she was going to get an apartment and I would have to pay for the house. I don't make enough to pay for the house myself so instead of.possibly uprooting the only home my boys know I move out. But I'm to the point I really don't care for the house anymore. Should I expose the affair she has already admitted to. I have a written letter that she wrote to me saying she had the affair. I would move back home and THEN expose the affair. If she wants to move out, she will still have to pay her part of the mortgage. And she can't take your kids from their home without a court order. Go home and let her know she can pay for the house AND the apartment if she wants! You won't stop her.  Then after you move back into your bedroom, expose the affair wife and far. However, try and find out right away who the guy is because you will need to expose to his whole family. He may be married and his wife would be interested in knowing.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I plan on moving back home. I didn't know she would have to pay both. That is news to me. I just need to unravel the mystery about the affair which would be the reason why she doesn't want to give the marriage a chance.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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I plan on moving back home. I didn't know she would have to pay both. That is news to me. I just need to unravel the mystery about the affair which would be the reason why she doesn't want to give the marriage a chance. You are right about the reasons why she doesn't want to give the marriage a chance. But you need to get home if you plan on busting up this affair and saving your marriage. Can you go home now? It needs to be done with no warning.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Right now I'm working third shift. I will go home as soon as possible. Should I go ahead an expose the affair she has already told me about. I have a written note from her telling me she had the affair. I just don't know who the guy was. It could possibly be the same guy she is talking to now. I'm just tired of looking like the bad guy in this situation. I know I didn't do everything over the years to keep the love there but all this isn't my fault. I want to thank you for coming back and giving me advice again MelodyLane, it really means a lot.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Tc, You are very welcome, my friend. I am always glad to help.
I would move home and then expose. When you do it, tell people that your wife has been having an affair with XX and wants to break up your family to pursue her affair. Ask them for their help. Please carefully read the thread in my signature on how to expose.
When you go home and when you expose, just expect your wife to go ballistic and then you won't be surprised. And don't let it bother you one bit. We will help you deal with it!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Thanks MelodyLane. She went ballistic the first night I came back home the first time I moved out. She told me she was going to call the cops if I didn't leave. I stood my ground and she left. Then we talked the next day and I thought we were going on the right track but she started Texting the guy I told you about so my suspicions just grew. That is when I followed her and she caught. She said the trust coudn't be regained and said it was over. I mean if your kid does something stupid to lose your trust they will eventually earn it back from you. I really just want to ask her who she is in love with and see what kind of response I get.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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Well, she is the one is doing something stupid to break your trust. I would tell her over and over again that ou would be willing to give her a opportunity to earn your trust back if she ends her affair. But you must demand she end her affair.
Have you confronted this rat yet?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I guess one more question I have is why does she so pisses off when I tell her I love her or miss her. I told her I missed her today and she told me to stop. If she has no feelings for me then why does it bother her.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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She hates it because she built up this image of you being a horrible guy. It's how waywards justify their having an affair.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I guess one more question I have is why does she so pisses off when I tell her I love her or miss her. I told her I missed her today and she told me to stop. If she has no feelings for me then why does it bother her. Very simple. The truth of your sincere declaration diminishes her fantasy just a little bit more.
Every man I meet is in some way my superior; and in that I can learn of him.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Joined: Apr 2001
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I guess one more question I have is why does she so pisses off when I tell her I love her or miss her. I told her I missed her today and she told me to stop. If she has no feelings for me then why does it bother her. It irritates her because she does not feel that way and feels like you are obliging her to respond in kind.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Should I stop while I am in the process of exposing the affair or continue showing her my love for her.
Me (H): 34
Wife (W): 29
Two kids ages 5 and 3
Married 6 years been together for 14 years
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No, continuing to fill her ENs is a part of the "carrot and stick" of Plan A. Exposure is part of the stick and filling ENs is part of the carrot.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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