We have been married 37 years. I love him dearly. But we have had a lot of "bad things" happen to us the last few years that are hard to cope with. We have a very sick 32 year old son,I fell and broke my leg badly,had surgery that went wrong and ended up on life support for a week then in the hospital for 2 weeks. My husband lost his job of 30 years,sending him into a deep depression. He was on an antidepressant for years that hlped him so much. Before this,he simply could not get out of bed. He got up for work and then right to bed when he got home. He would be in bed all weekend and had several instances of anger so bad it scared me. But this med helped him so much. After almost 20 years,his sleeping began again. I thought I would lose my mind with him. The dr. said his med (Prozac) stopped working and he could not up it anymore. He put him on another and completely stopped his Prozac. I called the dr. in alarm wondering why he just stopped it. I felt a med he had been on 20 years should be tapered off. But he gave me a song and dance on why it shouldn't.
His wild mood swings are crazy. He's been in bed all day but rallied and came and got me and said he was fixing supper. He talked about how my constant medical problems are driving him crazy. We don't have much money and are sinking deeper in to debt because I also have kidney problems. He fixed a nice supper,I did the dishes then,KABAM,he was right back in bed. Our dog jumped on the bed and he was mean to him so I took him out of the room.
I noticed he got very agitated when he opened the mail and foound my dentist wants to do thousands of dollars of work on my teeth. That doesn't MEAN I'm going to do it but he became very agitated.
He HAS agreed to go to our psychiatrist who we feel can help him more then our internist as far as meds go. In the meantime,I am going nuts with him. It's deeply affecting me to the point my hands shake. He gets mad and says his laying in bed like this should have no effect on me BUT IT DOES and he doesn't understand that.
Sorry if I rambled but HELP!

Welcome Iwanttohelp.

You have found an awesome program with the MB program, and if you work the program you will have a very romantic marriage.

How much do you know about Dr. Harley's basic concepts? Dr. Harley's Basic Concepts

Also here is another good article by Dr. Harley. What to Do With a Depressed Spouse

Thank you so much. I have always been a staunch supporter of my husband and I do wonder why sometimes. There has been verbal abuse,physical abuse and emotional abuse. But I stay because he does try. He seeks counseling on his own and realizes his antidepressant is not working. To be honest though,I don't know how much more I can take. I should be in the ER right now,my kidney pain is so severe. But he gets so upset over the money and rails at me so badly,I am just trying to wait til my drs. office opens.
When I married my husband,I jumped from the frying pan into the fire. I had an extremely abusive Mother who was verbally,physically and emotionally abusive. Between her and him,I am a very damaged,upset person. My Mother,who is still alive, never sought help. She still tries to put a lot of guilt for not "being there for her" as does the family. I REFUSE to accept it. I paid my dues the night I went to the prom with a swollen shut eye because I would not wear my hair the way SHE wanted me to. My date had asked me to wear it down but SHE said I lived in HER house and I would wear my hair the way SHE wanted me to. So,I went to the prom with my hair up in curls and a swollen shut shiner. I could go on and on with examples of her abuse but you don't have a week to read it.
I feel trapped,honestly. I thought about a shelter but then I would be without the sorry insurance we have. My husband told me to go to the ER,he would take me but not to worry. He was going to die in a few years and when the money was gone,it was gone. His depressive way of controlling me,I guess.
I know I am all over the place but I am a woman under seige reaching out to perect strangers. I don't know what else to do. I can't afford counseling. I thought about free counseling but shy away from it. I tried several counselors before I found one I like (that I can no longer afford). Some of the counselors I went to needed counselors themselves. Free counseling doesn't mean I will get good counseling.
Thanks for listening.

Iwanttohelp,

If your husband is physically abusive Dr. Harley recommends seperation for at least a year until he gets help and is in a program. Your health and safety is the most important thing right now.

Please read all the letters from here Domestic Violence letter #1

Update:Minor progress
My husband was supposed to go in for blood work and a Sleep Study 2 months ago. He blew it off. Yesterday,he came in where I was laying down(in pain)and sat down beside me. He said he knew I was right and he wanted to go back on Prozac. I reminded him his meds were changed because the Prozac,after 20 years,stopped working and now the one he is on isn't working. He definitely has a chemical imbalance. He just said,"I know" and walked out. Well,this morning,he got up bright and early and went over to have his lab work done. I saw a note on his desk that said "Make an appt. for sleep study and results of lab work".
Stuff like this is the only reason I am still here. I just wish he wouldn't put me through so much before he decides to help himself. The dr. he is going to is a psychiatrist and I'm thrilled he's going.

I don't post much but I often read as other people's stories are so helpful to me. Yours is heart rending, you sound like such a lovely person.

Can you tell us whether the physical abuse has got worse over the years? Has he always hit you? Your history would lead you to diminish the importance of this when you should not.

One of the (many) reasons Dr Harley recommends separation for those who suffer physical abuse is that it escalates.

No,he has not always hit me. 20 years ago,he threw me out a door. I moved out for 6 months. He went on Prozac and it was truly a miracle. He was a different person! I went back,with my eyes open,and there were no problems for 20 years. None at all. Then he had what I call outburts,2 of them. He threw me down on the ground once and I told him he knew what would happen if he did it again. Then,one day,he just lost it. He spit in my face,threw me down on the ground,took some dolls from my collection and tore their heads off and smashed picture frames. I was in total shock but knew what I needed to do. I packed and moved out. I will NOT put up with it.
The dr. put him on a new antidepressant but I don't see it working. There have been no outbursts because I told him the next one and I'm not coming back. I mean that. He knows I mean it. It's just this terrible depression he has. We do have serious financial problems,thanks to the recession. I was looking forward to Medicare in 3 years but,if Obama has his way,it will be gone and we will have to purchase insurance. After working all our lives and paying into it,it wants to take it away and give it to the very people we have supported all our lives. It's heartbreaking and I PRAY we get this corrupt man and his wife out of the White House.
I do love my husband. But don't worry. If I leave again,I'm not coming back. It's just hard to see him like this. If he's not working,he's in bed. If he's not helped soon,I may have to leave for good to just get away from the stress. I want to help him but he has to do a lot of it himself. I see the wild mood swings and it breaks my heart. But I can only take so much.

Iwanttohelp, please get to a medical facility NOW for your kidney pain. You cannot brush this off! Take care of yourself before you try to fix anything else! {{{Iwanttohelp}}}

We'll be here for you - take care of yourself first!

I did....and I made HIM take me.:) I will make it through this somehow.