A simple thought, here...he knows what it would take to be back with you and it's quite a simple, reasonable request. However, instead he decides to pressure you with various tactics to take him back on his terms (that he doesn't have to be honest with you). Protect yourself from pressure using your Plan B and excellent IM.

He is here... I told him to leave. I told him he knows what he needs to do. I'm focused on the marriage and he is concerned with possessions.

He said he will call a locksmith.

My attorney said I can't keep him from the house and might need to file for divorce.

Locksmith can't do a damned thing if you don't open the door, star.

Don't make the mistake of opening the door again, hon. Make him get a court order if he must. He's being the prototypical bully here.

Don't allow it.

I told him to leave and that I needed to get ready for my appt. with my IC. He said he doesn't understand why I changed the locks and I told him that I'm focusing on myself right now. I can't worry about him anymore... I still love him, but he knows what he needs to do and be honest. I asked him not to lie to me anymore about how he has told me everything. He needs to tell me now, write it out or talk to his own therapist that is helping him with lying and dishonesty. I told him that it would be so easy for him to come back home and he knows what he needs to do. I asked him again to leave and he did.

Leave the house and call your lawyer. Tell your lawyer to do what it takes to keep him out. If your lawyer says he can't do that, then you need to tell him to figure it out. And in the meantime, LEAVE.

Good job, starfish. Well, we told you it would get worse before it got better. This little temper tantrum by him doesn't surprise me at all. Very typical. But, don't open that door again, okay?? If he feels he needs to call the cops, let him. If he feels he needs to call his attorney, let him. If he feels he needs to call the pope, let him. But make him do it. Don't let him off easy by letting him in again.

Just dont answer the door at all. Get a male relative around to talk to him if need be, while you take a bubble bath. The last time Scotty's H threw a fit on the doorstep she simply, ignored the noise and caught up on her reading till he went away.



Haha! Why do they ALL say the same stuff? What kind of locksmith is so desperate for cash that they are going to help a crazed man break into the house of a woman who won't even answer the door! Locksmiths aren't judges, they're just tradesmen, they arent going to get in the middle of all that!

The locksmith who came to my house said on the phone he could only change the locks if I could open the door and had the original key. Which I did.



They all say that. Legally you cant ban him from the house, but practically he cant make you let him in either. So dont sweat it. I dont think US laws are million miles different from the UK's from what I've seen on here. My lawyer said I could call the police if he broke in, but warned me they weren't legally obliged to make him leave. (though she added they probabaly would make him leave to keep the peace) Then she said if the police did nothing and he wouldnt leave, she would start filing orders trying to get him out.

None of it ever went that far, despite my WHs threats of locksmiths and breaking in, because waywards are all talk.

You have exposed him as a cheat to everyone, the LAST thing he would want to do is start breaking into your home. How does that maake him look?

Get a separation agreement or divorce or whatever your lawyer says you need for protection, but just remember, you are immune to his threats if YOU CAN'T HEAR THEM

**EDIT**

Do not tell him anything.

This is for your emotional health. You must build your walls higher.

Do not tell him anything. This is a part of the walls you need to build.


Making him understand is not your job. You can't do this, and it is emotionally dangerous for you to try.

When he wants to expend some effort to understand things, he will be able to understand things like this on his own, with just a little bit of effort using your Plan B letter as a guide. In the meantime, it is crazy-making to try to explain things to a rock.

The thing is that she can't know that until she knows what the "more" is. She can't make an informed decision without all the facts. She has a right to all of those facts.


Most attorneys are very lazy and will take the path of least resistance unless challenged. The solution is to change the locks and tell the attorney to get moving and make it happen. And many do exactly that when challenged! It is not illegal in any state in this union to change the locks on ones own doors.

Excuse me, this is very bad and distracting advice for someone in Plan B. If I am reading correctly, she has delivered her Plan B letter to him. He knows all that he needs to know, if he will quit being lazy and actually read and listen to the letter. Since he's not listening to the letter, there is no explaining anything to him.

My wayward mother's lawyers were willing to get restraining orders and such with no evidence at all. Any decent lawyer ought to be able to protect a betrayed wife by getting her husband out of the house, at least temporarily, while a court sorts it out.

I called my MIL this morning and she said WH is out of sorts and that he is upset I changed the locks. She said he doesn't know what to think now after the nice weekend that you had. She doesn't think it was right for me to change the locks, because it's his house too.

Yes, this is typical. The wayward usually rages when Plan B starts, and that is a very good thing.

Protect yourself from this stuff. Stay away from it. Plan B is for your emotional health. He will go crazy and do everything he can to reestablish control by getting you to poke holes in your walls.


The only reason he doesn't know what to think is that he is currently a lazy wayward jerk who won't read or listen to your Plan B letter.


She doesn't know how to save a marriage, either.

I would get a lawyer to solidify your Plan B legally ASAP. Build your walls high.

Sure it's still his house too, but it's not his home any longer. And just who's fault is that? He's the one that made his choices that led to this, not you. He also has the choice to meet your conditions to make it his home again.

It's entirely up to him. You MIL needs to understand this.

I'm confused by what you are telling me to ask him?

**EDIT**

My mom came by and he was telling her I locked her out of the house. My mom told him that it was my choice, just like it was for him to have affairs and I didn't deserve that either.