Oh, she has a reputation alright. It's just not quite parallel with what your WH wants to think it is.

Or his for that matter.

I think it was too much meditation and chanting. It lasted three hours. My anxiety is out of control right now!!! The pains in my stomach are tremendous...This sucks!!!

I sure hope I do well with Plan B. I cried a little bit to my sister before the class... I wish I could get it all out just like I wish WH could get all the truth out. I feel full from all of his $hit! I just want a release from this pain and don't know what to do... I hurt soooo bad right now!!!

Let it happen. However it is supposed to happen, it will.

You are a rockstar. In the future, we will be pointing to you as to what to do in Plan A and Plan B. You will be a MB success.

In the first days of PB, all you can do is ensure you don't contact your WH that minute. Then, you won't contact him for that hour. Before you know it, you haven't even thought about contacting him all day.

As long as you are ensuring NC with your WH you are a Plan B rockstar. Keep it up.

Yoga helped me - granted I haven't gone through the what you are going through, but with grief in general. I had a very dear friend who owned the house we shared (she had an attic apartment we rented, and she lived on the main floor) drop dead of a heart attack in the main kitchen on a Monday morning.

Yoga helped me release a lot of my pent up issues. For a long time I would cry in some poses, and still do, but it's more rare. Yoga was much healthier than breaking coffee cups, which I also did a lot of last summer.

Glad to see things are going okay for you and WH is using the IM.

Thank you for sharing and for the tips to help anxiety. Before I found out about affairs, I was going to yoga twice a week. I really need to get back... It definitely helped me a lot!

I'm trying my best! Thank you for the compliments... I owe everything to all of you for your guidance and support. I couldn't have done what I have done this far without all of you. I wouldn't have known about OW#2 had I not changed the wording of my questions to "any other woman". That is how I finally got the truth (somewhat about her). I'm still hoping that he comes clean someday soon. His birthday is in 10 days and our anniversary is in 24 days (5 years), so this month is going to be very difficult for me!

I have a really good Yoga DVD from Costco I do at home right now, but I miss going to Yoga class. Anxiety just sucks the life out of you if you're not careful.

I've also tried some herbs - St Johns Wort, Valerian in the evenings. Last year I was on Ativan for a while for anxiety, and for a short term solution it really helped me.

Saw my doctor this morning. She prescribed me a AD and Xanax 3 weeks ago. I've been nervous about taking the AD and only taking the X as needed (usually first thing in the morning). She advised me to start taking the AD and to revisit her in 3 weeks. She said so far everybody is doing well with this particular drug and no side effects. I like to have a glass or two of red wine every now and then, so I was nervous about taking it.

I have been on two different ADs, Elavil and one I can't recall last year. Neither were a good fit for me, but they didn't have any crazy side effects either. I gained a few pounds on one, and the Elavil was supposed to control my migraines and be an AD for me. It did work as an AD, but did nothing for my migraines.

Two of my medications come with really hefty 'do not drink and take this medication warnings', but once I knew how I reacted to them I would have a drink or two while I'm on them. Since one is a daily migraine preventitive... it's either abstain when I'm on it or drink anyway. However, some drugs, like tylenol, really don't play well with alcohol and should be avoided at all costs when drinking, your pharamcist can usually tell you more information.

Star, take the AD's as prescribed. Xanax is good, but the long term benefits of something like Lexapro are even better. It takes a while to get your system used to it, but in conjunction with Xanax, it can do wonders for your mental health. Also, don't for one second feel ashamed for taking these drugs. They are there to help you, and they will. Trust me on this one.

A glass or two of wine won't hurt you at all. Of course, once you start taking these drugs properly, I doubt you will see the bottom of your second glass of wine.

I was trying to say what Tiger said much clearer! LOL

Thank you! Yes, I would agree that I'm trying to tough it out and I shouldn't be. I should be doing what my doctor recommends as she knows the state I'm in right now. After going through infertility treatments, drugs with major side effects and shooting myself in the stomach with infertility drugs, I would think that taking a simple AD pill would be so easy, but it's not. I guess because I wanted a baby so bad that I would've done anything, so I was happy to take the meds. I don't believe I'm trying to punish myself by any means now, but this isnt something that I chose, so I'm having a hard time. I know I need to take care of me right now, but all I keep wishing is that I could wake up from this horrible nightmare. The perfect marriage and life I had is gone now... I will do my best to start my AD tomorrow, as I know I am going to need it. I just hope it doesn't numb me to much where I just don't give a $hit anymore, but maybe that's what I need right now...

Mine did not numb me last summer where I didn't care. They made it where I could function. Ultimately, for me, I couldn't find something that didn't interact with my migraine meds, and I'd rather be a depressed psycho witch with no migraines as a happy woman with migraines. I ended up staying on the Ativan for a little while, though.

The infertility treatments themselves are enough to cause depression, not to mention everything else you're going through.

Last summer I got to a point I could not function, I did not sleep for weeks (even with the medication), and I came really close to a nervous breakdown. I did end up with pneumonia, in the hospital, very ill. I wish I had done somethings different and pursued ADs and gotten off the Topomax (causes depression and anxiety), because I went through hell for a few months. It was not a pretty site.

Hugs to you, and I'm sure you'll come through this stronger. You're an amazing woman.

I used to take Topomax too, but quit a few months before trying to conceive, because it can cause birth defects. I was so worried about mixing anything with that drug. It had a lot of side effects. I'm glad that I'm not on it anymore.... The only good side effect was weight loss! lol...

I understand the stigma of AD's, I just don't agree with it. When you aren't well, you take medicine to make you better. Right now, you're emotions aren't well, so take something to get them better. It's not going to be a forever thing. You wouldn't shun someone who had to take insulin because they were diabetic right?

I should have taken AD's when I was in Plan A, but I was so far gone that I didn't even know how messed up I was until months into PB.

If you remain in Plan B, and stay NC with your WH, you will feel better in a few weeks. The AD's will help you take the sting off.

How are you this morning? Did you get any sleep? Did you eat okay?

Here's a good Plan B song I have been loving lately.

Yes, I slept well. Woke up from a dream once or twice in the night, but I feel that I got enough sleep. Haven't eaten yet, but I will. It's hard for me to eat when I first wake up.

There are lots of studies that show but for all but severe depression- anti depressants don't work above placebo level. The situation you are in is stressful and anxiety producing. And you are handling it beautifully so far. Everyone on here is so proud of you.

So medication or not- try and get exercise, eat clean and healthfully, and rest as much as you can.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/newsweek/2010/01/28/the-depressing-news-about-antidepressants.html

( the science geek in me has to post this. I just want everyone to have as much information as possible)

Very true!!! Thank you!!!

Thank you for the article!