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Your IM can send him an email telling him that she will not need anything that could be used for identity fraud from him. That she is the mode of communication about visitation and financial logistics and that account numbers and SSN are not needed by her. Great idea. Any sensitive info should be written down and handed to a relative or mailed to Starfish. No problem telling him that. I dont think it will make him like the IM any more though!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Not once has my IM handled sensitve info and she coordianted all the financial separation between us. All she would tell him is pay x bill on x day - or Indie will pay x bill from now on.
Its a weak excuse he's using.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Even with kids in the picture, after we settled on a basic routine, I've barely used my IM, unless there are changes to the schedule, such as travel, etc.
The IM will not intermediate any legal issues, this will be done, when/if needed, by the attorneys...
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
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I haven't responded to him and don't plan on it. Good! When my sister was IM he told me to be more 'grown up' and communicate directly and that he wouldnt speak to my sister because she was pregnant. Other Plan Bers have chosen IMs who were known to the WS and they were turned down because 'she never liked me' 'she takes your side' 'the IM wont treat me right, because of the exposure' or the more perfunct 'I dont wanna and you cant make me'. Theres always a reason why the IM is unsuitable, is all I'm saying. I find it funny that he is concerned about fraud. How can your IM turn the following sentence from him into fraud? "I will comply with all her conditions in full" (!) And he knows thats all he has to tell her for the IM is no longer needed. You WANT him to hate using the IM. You want him to consider meeting your conditions so he doenst have to. I would guess that after your sister becomes IM, and she refuses to pass on personal messages or listen to his tale of woe, she will become the next enemy who 'doesnt want to see us get back together after what Ive done'. They ALWAYS refuse ANYBODY. Only choose your sister as IM if you would rather have her do it for your own reasons. Trying to choose one the WS likes is an impossible task. The drunk is never going to like the bouncer who tells them they cant get in. Indie: I'm sticking with you!!! I talked to my mom and sister and told them this is my decision. I asked my sister to not forward me any information from him and to tell him that he will need to contact the IM.
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If he speaks to her again, she should just urge him to come clean.
"Starfish has left you a way to reach her. Just tell her IMwhen your ready to come clean. Star can talk to you herself when you come clean"
When he replies with "blah blah five per cent"
She should just say "OK, your choice" and then hang up/leave.
Telling her this is not very Plan B tho! Make this the last discussion you have and then no more talk of him, no matter what he says to her or what she hears.
Talk about fun sister stuff instead. His name is banned!!!!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I know I'm in Plan B now, but a thought just came to mind... Could there be a possibility that WH is protecting OW#1, until her divorce is finalized? She lives in MI and I'm not sure what the laws are there concerning adultery.
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Also, working on setting up a new email address. Anybody here know if I can transfer all of my old emails/folders over easily? If I block WH, will he receive a bounce-back email?
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Very possible. But you exposed to him didn't you? He was also very savvy (I thought) and waywards are dumb. You did your best by him.
The best way to get the truth out now is by what you are doing.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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You can always make it so his messages always go in the Junk folder.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Sure he could be protecting her. She is so awesome, right?
(now.....really.....try to refocus on things other than his activities/plans/etc)
If he is ever ready to take the initiative to work on the marriage, like his initiative to control and break your plan B, then you will know it.
He is spinning all sorts of energy to do everything BUT what he must do to have a good marriage with you. Take another poly and pass it.
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I do not know of any way to send an entire file in one email.
You could make a new email, forward all the content of your current folders into this new email - <subject matter folder name>,
(then re organise the emails when they come in.)
This would probably not be a bad idea for you to do anyway
Also, if you are using homtmail, you can link two email addresses if you look to the upper left hand corner (they both must be msn, tho.
Me; W 46
Him; H 46
2 girls
DD19
DD16
Dated/Married total 28 years.
..I am learning and working on myself.
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Nothing seems real yet... I still feel like I'm in a dream...
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Very possible. But you exposed to him didn't you? He was also very savvy (I thought) and waywards are dumb. You did your best by him.
The best way to get the truth out now is by what you are doing. Yes, I did expose to OW#1's husband. I didn't tell him about the ILY exchanges between the two of them though. Thought I should wait for more info. What do you think?
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There is nothing in MI that she needs to hide from legally, with respect to adultery. We don't have alienation of affection, and adultery per se isn't a custody factor.
(and yes. Go Blue! )
Thanks for all the support along the way.
I wish you all well. I'm outta here.
Peace.
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Yeah!!!! WH made contact with IM!!!
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Very possible. But you exposed to him didn't you? He was also very savvy (I thought) and waywards are dumb. You did your best by him.
The best way to get the truth out now is by what you are doing. Yes, I did expose to OW#1's husband. I didn't tell him about the ILY exchanges between the two of them though. Thought I should wait for more info. What do you think? I don't think that would help him legally anyway. You probably need hard proof of sex having taken place to file for adultery.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Going to a Buddhist function with my sister tonight. I've never been to anything like this before, so I'll let you all know what I think later. Hoping it will help my anxiety. Afterwards, I might go home for a good cry... I feel it coming. I really need to get this crap out of my system!
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I think I started my crying after he began using the IM. You feel this huge relief, you put down your battle sword and the glaze of shock that kept the wounds from hurting goes away.
Its very hard. I was reading that part of my thread again today and even the memory of the pain made me teary. But the grieving is a good thing. Its the end of being lied to and the start of good things to come.
Meditation is an amazing idea! It will help with so many things: sleep, anxiety, persistent thoughts....
After showing the worlds best Plan A are you going to dazzle in Plan B too????!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I know I'm in Plan B now, but a thought just came to mind... Could there be a possibility that WH is protecting OW#1, until her divorce is finalized? She lives in MI and I'm not sure what the laws are there concerning adultery. I have always thought he was protecting OW#1. Adultery is illegal in Michigan but it is never prosecuted.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Do you think he's protecting her reputation, Mel? I know my WH was fanatical about protecting OWs reputation. Even though she didn't have one 
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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