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We brainstormed and found our own solution. Thanks! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025b_qa.html The longer you live together prior to marriage, the less the risk of divorce until after 8 years of living together, when the risk of divorce is equal to those who have not lived together. Thats great! However, you are not married. Married is married and not married is not married. I don't understand the point of this data. You are still not married. Are you getting married? If so, your chance of divorce declines after 8 years of marriage.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The data is wrong anyway, Mel. She is hedging bets on misinformation. The risk of divorce is equal after 8 years of marriage, whether partners cohabitated or not prior to marriage.
The study finds the longer the cohabitation, the MORE likely people are to divorce because of the independent habits that have built up over time. shorter duration of cohabitation has less risk than an extended one. Pretty interesting study!
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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The data is wrong anyway, Mel. She is hedging bets on misinformation. The risk of divorce is equal after 8 years of marriage, whether partners cohabitated or not prior to marriage.
The study finds the longer the cohabitation, the MORE likely people are to divorce because of the independent habits that have built up over time. shorter duration of cohabitation has less risk than an extended one. Pretty interesting study! ahhhh, thanks!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We brainstormed and found our own solution. Thanks! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025b_qa.html The longer you live together prior to marriage, the less the risk of divorce until after 8 years of living together, when the risk of divorce is equal to those who have not lived together. Thats great! However, you are not married. Married is married and not married is not married. I don't understand the point of this data. You are still not married. Are you getting married? If so, your chance of divorce declines after 8 years of marriage. Would really love to know all of the criteria for the study. I will see if I can find it. I disagree. I don't think Dr Harley was wrong in his statement though it isn't the actual wording it's meaning is essentially the same, but is misquoted on several different webpages referring to the study. I will say that unless any of the participants were doing marriage builders they didn't stand a chance anyway. Truthfully were any of you in the twenty percent before you found marriage builders. NOPE! Have a nice day : )
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Truthfully were any of you in the twenty percent before you found marriage builders. NOPE! Have a nice day : ) But that still doesn't make you married...  You are not married.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We brainstormed and found our own solution. Thanks! http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi5025b_qa.html The longer you live together prior to marriage, the less the risk of divorce until after 8 years of living together, when the risk of divorce is equal to those who have not lived together. Thats great! However, you are not married. Married is married and not married is not married. I don't understand the point of this data. You are still not married. Are you getting married? If so, your chance of divorce declines after 8 years of marriage. Sorry you have such an issue with MY STATUS. It is irrelevant. The program is the only thing I came here to discuss. How to handle my own AO and DJ. Am I running down the isle as we speak? NOPE. Does it in anyway make Dr Harley's advice or information useless, absolutely not.
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I can email the pdf file of that article to JustUs and ask that it be sent to you. Okay?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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I can email the pdf file of that article to JustUs and ask that it be sent to you. Okay? I would appreciate that CWMI. Thank you
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Done! 
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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"orry you have such an issue with MY STATUS. It is irrelevant. The program is the only thing I came here to discuss. How to handle my own AO and DJ. "
Apparently it is very relevant to you or you wouldn't be continually making comparisons. Why keep doing that if it's not relevant to you? I think it is very relevant to you, so much so that you become defensive when we point out that it is not the same.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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The program is the only thing I came here to discuss. How to handle my own AO and DJ. Yes, that's very clear.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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"orry you have such an issue with MY STATUS. It is irrelevant. The program is the only thing I came here to discuss. How to handle my own AO and DJ. "
Apparently it is very relevant to you or you wouldn't be continually making comparisons. Why keep doing that if it's not relevant to you? I think it is very relevant to you, so much so that you become defensive when we point out that it is not the same. I am not defensive ML really I am not. I see this conversation in a different light. It's like we are all in the same sinking ship. The ship is going down.None of us know whats wrong with it or how to fix it,we have all found the lifeboat and you want to debate how I don't belong on the ship in the first place so why would I need the lifeboat.
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Shaking up and being married ARE very different. Have you EVER been married?
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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We are just dating he lives in another state. He never shagged anyone and she has been divorced and remarried and divorced again since he first met her. No husband to do anything about now. You don't even live together, so that whole article about cohabitation doesn't even come anywhere near to even remotely applying to you. I hope you enjoy it anyway.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Shaking up and being married ARE very different. Have you EVER been married? Yes, I have been married before hence the 2 DS. It ended tragically with his death after a long battle with cancer.
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I am not defensive ML really I am not. I see this conversation in a different light.
It's like we are all in the same sinking ship. The ship is going down. But we are not on the same sinking ship at all. That is what we are trying to tell you. Yes, I would agree you are on a sinking ship, though. Insisting your situation is the same as being married is a big part of what you are missing. Not to mention a big distraction from resolving your problems.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am not defensive ML really I am not. I see this conversation in a different light.
It's like we are all in the same sinking ship. The ship is going down. But we are not on the same sinking ship at all. That is what we are trying to tell you. Yes, I would agree you are on a sinking ship, though. Insisting your situation is the same as being married is a big part of what you are missing. Not to mention a big distraction from resolving your problems. I will still argue this point. 80% of us are on the same sinking ship ML. No one has the skills that DR Harley teaches. I am sorry it is the same ship: I am getting in the life boat. These aren't just marriage skills these are life skills.
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I will still argue this point. 80% of us are on the same sinking ship ML. And I think that is a big part of your problem. You don't understand the difference between marriage and living together. They are not. It is a completely different dynamic. Child molestors don't have those skills either, it doesn't mean that molesting children is the same as marriage. Just because there are similarities doesn't mean they are the same. I am not on a sinking ship, btw.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I am not defensive ML really I am not. I see this conversation in a different light.
It's like we are all in the same sinking ship. The ship is going down. But we are not on the same sinking ship at all. That is what we are trying to tell you. Yes, I would agree you are on a sinking ship, though. Insisting your situation is the same as being married is a big part of what you are missing. Not to mention a big distraction from resolving your problems. ML I appreciate that you think your trying to help me. I am neither distracted nor unaware. I am not in any way shape or form in need of rescue. It would be an egregious error to assume that your perception can be the only correct perception.
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ML I appreciate that you think your trying to help me. I am neither distracted nor unaware. I am not in any way shape or form in need of rescue. It would be an egregious error to assume that your perception can be the only correct perception. How does trying to pretend like living together is the same as marriage help your situation? How is that a solution to your problems? You have spent most of your time here defending the indefensible instead of looking for solutions.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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