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I know you're right... It's just hard!
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Counselor...attorney...bank? Oftentimes businesses are in an individuals name Our big bank is that way...it scared the crap out of me until I googled it a little more. Buuuut...you shouldn't know who he is calling!
Me: 34yrs
OM #1 ONS July 2010
OM #2 internet/text EA (9/10-2/11)
He: WH 38 yrs
OW#1 Former friend, 7 month EA & PA 1/11-7/11
OW#2 Ex-GF, 1 month phone/ FB EA & ONS 7/11
Recovering MB Online!
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I know you're right... It's just hard! Oh I know. It is MASSIVELY hard. That is why you MUST NOT SNOOP!!!!!!! Now you've discovered a temptation, star Plan Ber, how are you going to neutralize this temptation? Can you make it so its impossible to check his bill? Get a friend to change the password/pin etc so you dont know it? I do know how hard it is. When I went into Plan B, I had no idea if the exposure and my Plan B had stunted the affair. One day I took a strange company car home, driving right past the OWs house when I got this huge urge to snoop, because she wouldnt recognise my car. I wanted to see if his car was parked outside. Somehow I resisted, and I'm glad I did. If I'd seen his car there, what difference would that make? None except to my own pain. From then on, I only drove my own brightly hued car which glows in the dark. Temptation gone.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Curiosity got the best of me... ![[Linked Image from static.andertoons.com]](http://static.andertoons.com/img/toons/cartoon6263.png)
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Amen. Curiosity is your enemy.
Just some food for thought, Starfish. This trigger has set your withdrawal back to day one. Every 'what he is doing/thinking/feeling in present day life' trigger does. So you have to start your healing again.
Now thats not a disaster, because you havent been in your plan long, So starting again is doable. You havent lost much time.
But you arent going to want to restart healing every few days are you?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Amen. Curiosity is your enemy.
Just some food for thought, Starfish. This trigger has set your withdrawal back to day one. Every 'what he is doing/thinking/feeling in present day life' trigger does. So you have to start your healing again.
Now thats not a disaster, because you havent been in your plan long, So starting again is doable. You havent lost much time.
But you arent going to want to restart healing every few days are you? No, I'll try my best to do better and focus on myself!
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How do you think you can block the temptation to check his calls again? That isnt going to go away and you will give in again.
If I hadnt blocked my WH on Facebook I would have checked that page MANY many times during my low points.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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How do you think you can block the temptation to check his calls again? That isnt going to go away and you will give in again.
If I hadnt blocked my WH on Facebook I would have checked that page MANY many times during my low points. I will get myself back on track and start getting out more. My friends have been asking me to do things and I really need to get out and start living, so I'm not thinking about things and focusing on myself. 
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That will only work short-term. There will absolutely be low days where you wont have the strength to be strong and not look. While you are strong, make sure you are locked out from checking it when you go weak.
Can you change it so you dont have access?
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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. My friends have been asking me to do things and I really need to get out and start living, but absolutely do this too.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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That will only work short-term. There will absolutely be low days where you wont have the strength to be strong and not look. While you are strong, make sure you are locked out from checking it when you go weak.
Can you change it so you dont have access? Yes, I'll ask my sister to handle it herself next time and change the password.
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Fab. And absolutely make sure you do fun stuff!
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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Star, this slip isn't as bad as it could have been but it could cause you to break NC with him. As Indie also pointed out, this causes you to go through withdrawal over and over again. Remove the temptation.
The cell phone is already a problem. If your sister wanted to know what she had to pay, she could have looked it up herself, no?
Be honest, there was a small part of you that really wanted to check up on him. Then, you did, and you then started to research who the number belongs to.
There is one reality that you deal with, as I deal with. Your WH isn't home today, and he isn't trying to reconcile with you. Every morning, in my early days of recovery, I looked over at the empty side of my bed and determined that my reality was that I was alone, so I dealt with that. It takes time, and it's done by baby steps at first.
It's good that you confessed to this breach of Plan B. So, now, you figure out how you are going to fix it.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Star, this slip isn't as bad as it could have been but it could cause you to break NC with him. As Indie also pointed out, this causes you to go through withdrawal over and over again. Remove the temptation.
The cell phone is already a problem. If your sister wanted to know what she had to pay, she could have looked it up herself, no?
Be honest, there was a small part of you that really wanted to check up on him. Then, you did, and you then started to research who the number belongs to.
There is one reality that you deal with, as I deal with. Your WH isn't home today, and he isn't trying to reconcile with you. Every morning, in my early days of recovery, I looked over at the empty side of my bed and determined that my reality was that I was alone, so I dealt with that. It takes time, and it's done by baby steps at first.
It's good that you confessed to this breach of Plan B. So, now, you figure out how you are going to fix it. How long did Plan B last for you?
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She's still in it I believe.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I still miss him so much... This is so hard, but I promise myself I will not break! It has only been 3 days and I know I need to be focusing on myself. I still haven't grieved yet and my love bank is semi-full. I love him and this is so hard!!!! I know I can't force him to do anything. I just hope and pray that I mean enough to him that he he can tell me the truth someday soon. I guess I'm feeling a little sorry for myself tonight and wondering what went wrong.... Why am I here? Why did this happen to me? I need to cry oh so bad... I need to let this pain go and it is so hard!!!!
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That is actually a good sign, that you still feel for him. Plan B protects that love, by staying dark. Just remember that--
Should he come out of the fog, your LB will be intact.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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That is actually a good sign, that you still feel for him. Plan B protects that love, by staying dark. Just remember that--
Should he come out of the fog, your LB will be intact. This is just so painful! I took a short nap this afternoon, but this evening my thoughts are filled with all of the good times we had and it just sucks how he could jeopardize and throw away our lives for bimbos! I don't think I'll ever understand!
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Do something nice for yourself. Want to write a book? Try. Yoga? Go ahead.
Just do something nice for YOU. You deserve it.
In his mind, it's not "our" life. It's HIS. Selfishness is the order of the day.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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I don't think I'll ever understand! You will eventually understand. Do not expect that understanding anytime soon. That's not your job for today. RELAX
BREATHE
RELAX
BREATHE
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